tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post1035322384462240816..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : Maggie's Cool Car - A GoodbyeMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-67905083055133437352013-09-08T19:28:28.129-07:002013-09-08T19:28:28.129-07:00Thank you for this post. I am struggling to let go...Thank you for this post. I am struggling to let go of my husband's two cars. He is gone (unexpectedly) a little over 2 months now and seeing his cars gives me comfort. Thinking of selling them is like losing a part of him. The cars represent our family trips, our fun travels, his smiles as he drove them. They were us, they were our family. My young daughter and I don't want anything to change, yet I have to continue to pay the loans monthly. They are not just cars. Losing them is losing him. All too painful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-45659240670925241862012-10-19T04:53:57.346-07:002012-10-19T04:53:57.346-07:00My husband was a control freak about cars...he put...My husband was a control freak about cars...he put them in his name only so that he would have total control...it was not a nice or respectful way to conduct business in the context of a relationship, but that is what he did. The last HUGE fight we had was over buying a car...the issue of cars to me is generally a black blight on our years together<br /><br />except<br /><br />He sold my minivan (over my intense objections) and got me the closest to my "dream car" that I will likely ever have...a Mercedes C32 AMG. We could have never afforded the new price of >$50 K, but the used one was a nice compromise. <br /><br />He got pleasure out of seeing how much I liked that car and he had the gratification of buying his wife something so nice. I thought we have many more years and many more cars in our future, but we didn't. Im glad he bought that car and I am planning to keep it until the maintenance costs become an avoidable nightmare. <br /><br />My husband bought himself a cute Acura SUV and my sons argue that it is "too good of a car" for thier baby sister to drive and wanted me to sell it. No, not gonna do it. He bought it and she drives it and fiffle on anyone who doesnt like that. Tammyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10475830965102885213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-57385871480727453702012-08-29T12:21:14.723-07:002012-08-29T12:21:14.723-07:00Wow, this was timely for me. After over two years ...Wow, this was timely for me. After over two years I recently decided to donate my late husband's car to charity. This week I received an email from them that they have my title and the car will be picked up soon. I steeled myself to clean out the car. The items I found in it were so "him:" tools to keep it running, several lengths of tow rope, strap clamps, etc. All signs of a man who was good with his hands and prepared for anything. So this first car we bought together and that served us admirably for 20 years is ready to go. It has over 250 K miles on it and is in rough shape...the parallel between its current condition and my husband's body at the end was powerful. I have taken care of them as best I could, made memories with them, loved them well even during the times they were maddening, cherished them throughout the years and let them go even though I was not ready. <br /><br />It represents so much more than a way to get from point A to point B. But it is time. I release the vehicle secure in the knowledge that all of the memories made with it stay with me and my kids. Tamarahttp://www.tamarabeachum.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-81240173613615314892012-08-28T09:49:00.890-07:002012-08-28T09:49:00.890-07:00Oh this goes right to my heart.
My husband was nev...Oh this goes right to my heart.<br />My husband was never able to drive again after his surgery.<br />His brand new "retirement" mercedes sat in the garage.<br />He said "get rid of it"<br />It broke my heart. He only drove it a few months.<br />He never drove again.<br />One of the most painful limitations of his disease.<br />When I drive on a sunny day I try to picture him - wind in his hair, top down, that amazing smile on his face.<br />Oh - I understand how you fell. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-73167812721782622432012-08-27T04:36:13.791-07:002012-08-27T04:36:13.791-07:00Love this post Chris, and hope the process goes sm...Love this post Chris, and hope the process goes smoothly. Hugs to you!Michelle Dippelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16174788688244693918noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-7143265737697274212012-08-26T18:56:56.735-07:002012-08-26T18:56:56.735-07:00I also go and sit in my husband's truck, in hi...I also go and sit in my husband's truck, in his seat, my hands on the steering wheel. I open the glove compartment, the middle storage compartment etc. 3 years and the stuff in there is all things that he put there. I feel close to him in there. Now my youngest son drives it to and from college, loaded up with furniture, refrigerators, book shelves etc. He keeps it at school so it's not in my driveway anymore. But at the end of each semester when I pull around the corner on my way home from work, I still gasp when i see it in the driveway... and I think for a second, "oh great, Michael's home"! Then it hits me...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-17436887200951693612012-08-25T16:16:51.320-07:002012-08-25T16:16:51.320-07:00I love this post! I love that you didn't wait ...I love this post! I love that you didn't wait to buy the car. Top down,music loud,drive fast - the only way!<br /><br />It took me a long time to sell my husband's vehicles. Many nights I sat in one vehicle, in his spot, touching the gearshift where his hand would've rested, remembering our adventures. It took me many days of repeating, "It's just stuff. It's just stuff.", before I could sell that vehicle - although it was so much more to me.<br /> <br />My only regret is that I sold one of the vehicles to someone who lives near my home. Occasionally, when I'm headed home from work, I'll meet that vehicle. It's an instant rollercoaster as my heart and head try to reach an agreement and register the fact that it is not my husband driving that vehicle anymore. Three years have passed since he died. I still miss him. J<br /><br /><br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-53270202706495874952012-08-24T21:22:34.402-07:002012-08-24T21:22:34.402-07:00When my husband died, he/we had 7 vehicles: his ca...When my husband died, he/we had 7 vehicles: his car, my car, 2 jeep cherokees for kids, a 15 passenger van with most seats out so he could haul tools and lumber, another work van and a plow truck. One by one I have sold them, down to 3 now. I see each of them on the road around town, it's especially hard to see the 15 passenger van....I, too, am glad he bought what he wanted, even when I said no more. <br />I keep reminding myself they are just things, they don't matter anymore. But every time I see one on the road, I expect to see him behind the wheel. Keep holding on to those memories, Chris, they will help you through many a long night.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-40113823943602413472012-08-24T15:46:12.673-07:002012-08-24T15:46:12.673-07:00Your post really hit a note with me and brought te...Your post really hit a note with me and brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry you have to go through getting rid of her car, it's not just the "stuff" it's so much more, I hope it goes easily for you. BethAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05016408548355510195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-80537588200393769032012-08-24T13:31:19.895-07:002012-08-24T13:31:19.895-07:00I so get this. My husband left 2 beloved Harleys; ...I so get this. My husband left 2 beloved Harleys; it took me over 2 years to sell the Electra Glide, and only to a very good friend of ours. I cannot part with his first Harley, the '99 Softail; I still pay the insurance. It's too big for me to ride. Sometimes, it's not "just stuff"...indeed. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-37339056239411105712012-08-24T12:57:16.847-07:002012-08-24T12:57:16.847-07:00I still have my husband's "flower van,&qu...I still have my husband's "flower van," a 1995 Dodge Caravan with flowers painted all over it, just like hippy times (we couldn't afford a Mercedes :-)). <br />We bought it for $695 about a month before he died because his car had been totaled out in an accident (not his fault, just sitting at a red light when someone ran through the light and played bumper cars and his car was hit He was OK). He only drove the flower van twice before he went into the hospital for the last time.<br /><br />The flower van is my truck when I take out the seats and my bus when I haul around grandchildren and dogs. I love the flower van. It will break my heart when I have to send it to that junkyard heaven in the sky.<br /><br />My husband's all time favorite vehicle was his Subaru Outback. His car was always a respository for junk and Pepsi cans.<br /><br />I'm glad your wife had a chance to drive an awesome car. And I know how hard it is to sell something so special.<br /><br />Margaret Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-89871424600888090942012-08-24T12:18:22.126-07:002012-08-24T12:18:22.126-07:00It's interesting... Every time I hear someone...It's interesting... Every time I hear someone waiting until they retire or waiting for this or that, I mention to them "Today sure is a nice day! Wouldn't it be even better to be doing that/ driving that/ living there right now?" And there's always an excuse that when put on the scale of perspective we widow(er)s have, seems mighty flimsy. Ya know, we might have waited until after she graduated from law school to buy it. If we had, she probably would have never known what it was like to have a go-fast, sexy, wind-in-your-hair car. If for no other reason, she didn't have any hair when she graduated. Genius move on our part, even though we didn't know it at the time.<br /><br />Maggie drove that car with passion and the biggest smile you could ever imagine. I'm proud I have those memories.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-11672010546580312072012-08-24T10:49:34.383-07:002012-08-24T10:49:34.383-07:00I am so, so glad you bought her that car and didn&...I am so, so glad you bought her that car and didn't wait for some unforeseen, sure to happen, date in the future. Those 780 days were damn good. I hope the exact right person buys her car, the one who will love, love, love it like she did. xoMichele Neff Hernandezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-20699253170880914722012-08-24T09:19:53.110-07:002012-08-24T09:19:53.110-07:00It's helpful to know that you and others out t...It's helpful to know that you and others out there can understand. God, it's not _just_ _a_ _car_. It is so much more.<br /><br />Thanks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-78728880091165833262012-08-24T08:45:03.880-07:002012-08-24T08:45:03.880-07:00Thank you for this posting. It exemplifies why we...Thank you for this posting. It exemplifies why we have emotional attachment to so many "things". I have been left with two cars, hence two sets of insurance costs, payments still on one, twice the cost of car maintenance...logically it does not make sense to keep both. Consequently I am in the process of getting rid of mine and trading in Sean's sporty Lexus for something in between. It's all emotional. I keep telling myself Sean is in my heart, not his car, or mine for that matter.<br />You know that Maggie knows you took action for her safety and also she is perhaps watching you enjoy that car. But all cars eventually get old, sold, traded in...it's just particularly tough for us.<br />And so we carry on (sadly)...Coveparenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05948805808200753420noreply@blogger.com