tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post1456429476784749439..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : Toolbox Michele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-74957446769265409142013-12-13T13:33:19.320-08:002013-12-13T13:33:19.320-08:00I wish there was a Camp Widow in Australia!!I wish there was a Camp Widow in Australia!!Rebecca Collinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11421193473127149748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-29947810655270418602013-12-13T11:32:08.125-08:002013-12-13T11:32:08.125-08:00Thinking back on my reply the walking part didn...Thinking back on my reply the walking part didn't really come about until my thoughts about Laura had shifted from the "what will I do without her" to gratitude for the wonderful years we had together.Over50Cyclinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16326906021817677829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-23258340238533827502013-12-13T10:44:03.256-08:002013-12-13T10:44:03.256-08:00Early days for me (10 weeks only) but writing in a...Early days for me (10 weeks only) but writing in a journal and playing music. I play oboe - playing at home, and going back to play with my (amateur community) orchestra has been really helpful. I've also had great support from the people in my orchestra which has also been very helpful. Humour has also been important - John had a very dark sense of humour and found the absurdities of life and people incredibly funny. We both did. After his death I cancelled his mobile phone contract. I spoke to the bereavement team. Yet they still sent a text to HIS phone which read "Sorry you have decided to leave us. If you change your mind please give us a call." I think my friends were surprised that I found it incredibly funny rather than upsetting - but I think John would have laughed at the absurdness and how completely inappropriate it was in so many ways (unless of course they really do have a hot line to the after life and offer resurrection services on the side - in which case count me in!). I'm finding reading this blog really helpful too and finding support wherever I can. Love and thanks to you for writing xflobianohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03401657588269916880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-87707210628296615182013-12-13T08:57:18.509-08:002013-12-13T08:57:18.509-08:00Humor was huge for me too. The dumbest, funniest m...Humor was huge for me too. The dumbest, funniest movies with no thinking for feeling involved, stand up comedy, dark humor. I watched all the seasons of 30 Rock all the way through 2 times in a row. I still consider writing Tina Fey and telling her she helped me survive.<br />Also, for some reason, really punishing exercise (usually not my thing at ALL) was really therapeutic. I think it was a way to exhaust myself and numb myself. Also, it helped some of the anger and helplessness to come out in a way that felt powerful. And then, more than anything else, I needed, NEEDED to lean into my friends. They were a safe harbor in a really unsafe new world. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-23818410595288581952013-12-13T07:38:03.751-08:002013-12-13T07:38:03.751-08:00Walking is great, Paul. I did the same thing in th...Walking is great, Paul. I did the same thing in the beginning, when I was still living in the apartment Don and I shared in NJ. (I had to move out about a year after he died and now I live in NY with a roommate. I couldnt afford to stay there alone.) We lived in West New York NJ, which is right on the Hudson River and has the NYC skyline as its backdrop. Don and I used to walk down our street at night all the time, surrounded by the city lights. We would stop on the benches and sit down and hold hands and talk. After he died, I took that walk alone quite a few times and tried to feel him with me. Kelley Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17289972201201027609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-52268060844302663632013-12-13T07:34:47.970-08:002013-12-13T07:34:47.970-08:00Carolyn, you should definitely go to Camp. Aside f...Carolyn, you should definitely go to Camp. Aside from seeing my presentation, it is just an amazing and lifechanging experience overall. I met so many new friends by going, and Im really excited to go back to all 3 next year (East, West and Canada!) an present my workshop again, and meet even MORE incredible new people, so we can all keep helping each other get through this. Im so glad that anything I have written or said has helped or touched you in any way. Thank you for that.Kelley Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17289972201201027609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-63994394387103788932013-12-13T07:13:22.975-08:002013-12-13T07:13:22.975-08:00Hi Kelley Lynn, I agree with you and Carolyn that ...Hi Kelley Lynn, I agree with you and Carolyn that humor surpasses wine and drugs for me. My husband like yours also made light of dark stuff. My daughter used to warn me before I went to the cemetary for weekly visits that I wasn't allowed to dig him up. She would stop by and visit with her dad and tell me about his new neighbors at the cemetary. For most people, this would all seem like morbid talk but for us it was and still is survival. Our hearts are so heavy with grief that allowing laughter makes that load so much lighter! <br /><br />I have been reading and responding to WV for 3 years and don't know what I would do without the blogs. This is so much more helpful than any professional help that I used during the 1st year. And the price is right!!!!! Thank you Kelley Lynn. You are the best! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-2458738773637392322013-12-13T07:00:15.381-08:002013-12-13T07:00:15.381-08:00I do drink wine and enjoy an occasional single mal...I do drink wine and enjoy an occasional single malt, but after my wife died I avoided it because I could see myself getting lost in the drink. At first my coping was to escape, I'd take trips to see different relatives. I couldn't stay very long in our home. I would also write and started a Google+ community. But probably the best coping mechanism for me was walking. I'd get out and walk the neighborhood and enjoy memories of Laura. We had only moved to this home less than a year before Laura's death and it was our practice to go out and walk during my lunch hour and again in the evenings. Over50Cyclinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16326906021817677829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-59392661822318300532013-12-13T06:16:20.811-08:002013-12-13T06:16:20.811-08:00I am one who has benefited from your writing and h...I am one who has benefited from your writing and humor. My husband also had a decidedly dark sense of humor and I seek out peoplebwho are funny now just to have the opportunity for belly laughs. I have been wavering whether or not to go to camp widow 2014 but if you are going to present there, then it makes me want to go! In addition to the three things you mentioned above, in my toolbox I also have walking and yoga. Couldnt survive this journey without all five tools: writing, humor, support, walking, and yoga. Thanks Kelley for starting my TGIFs off right!!Carolyn https://www.blogger.com/profile/00846481499430811793noreply@blogger.com