tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post1533674988325675059..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : My Battle AxeMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-12066763873980458582013-12-05T07:00:53.605-08:002013-12-05T07:00:53.605-08:00Keep writing Chris. That's all.Keep writing Chris. That's all.Michelle H.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-4091970066974770522013-11-27T07:53:41.040-08:002013-11-27T07:53:41.040-08:00Chris, if you are ever in the US please find me &...Chris, if you are ever in the US please find me & carry your axe with you! I only would like to use it on the people who say " I can only imagine what you have been through" No you have not a clue! Not that I would wish this pain on anyone but do they know not only did we lose a spouse, we lost our best friend, companion, lover, father or mother of our children, date night, someone to loves us no matter how horrible we could get or how horrible we look when we wake up, someone we could talk to any moment of the day or night, someone that we could laugh with or laugh at, someone to hold you at night or kisses day or night....No you cant even imagine the loneliness or the heart break... My husband passed away 2 1/2 years ago.. and the loss is greater now because he is no longer here and I miss everything a husband & wife share.Julnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-11703142397400336872013-11-26T17:54:10.016-08:002013-11-26T17:54:10.016-08:00I really loved this post - boy can I relate! When ...I really loved this post - boy can I relate! When my fiance died last summer, I found myself unfurling all of the ugly pain anywhere and everywhere that I could. I remember telling one of my friends one day on the phone something along the line of "I'm in so much pain that I don't even know what to do anymore except to just try and escape it". Obviously she didn't have an answer and I was looking for someone to. Eventually I realized no one had one, and I just had to surrender. Now I am much better at thinking of others in relation to sharing about my loss. I'm a lot more careful and respectful about where I share, when, and with whom. But last year, phew man, I sure did have some epic axe wielding skills! lol<br /><br />Thanks for this - you are a great writer! I am actually joining the team here soon to take Melanie's spot... so, it's wonderful to meet you neighbor! I look forward to getting to know and Maggie more.<br /><br />-SarahArthelihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11898065902404091173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-70049367907842345982013-11-26T16:44:19.263-08:002013-11-26T16:44:19.263-08:00Love it! The picture and your post...It made me l...Love it! The picture and your post...It made me laugh.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-39820451606480697102013-11-26T16:31:04.077-08:002013-11-26T16:31:04.077-08:00I never thought about the reality that I am carry...I never thought about the reality that I am carrying a battle ax..wow....I have got to think about this more...it mught explain why no one is asking me how I am or dont bring up my John's name...they dont want to see the battle ax...am almost 19 months out...johns lil darlinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16339761474911601608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-84724725945416344312013-11-26T14:52:37.543-08:002013-11-26T14:52:37.543-08:00This resonates with me. I lost my father to lung ...This resonates with me. I lost my father to lung cancer in April 2012, and my husband passed away suddenly in his sleep from natural causes less than three months later. I bless the people who didn't run screaming from me in the early days -- I simply blindsided those closest to me without knowing it. I am fortunate that so many people have stood by me despite my clumsy efforts, and I've found that making friends who learn of my losses without being invested in them has been helpful in finding my equilibrium. I no longer feel like a social pariah all the time.<br /><br />It's been almost 17 months since I lost my husband, and in many respects, it is harder now than it was a year ago. Perhaps it is because the pain of grief isn't all I know now, and there is more space for memories ... and the possibilities of years still ahead without him. Perhaps this "equilibrium" takes more energy than I realize -- I am thankful that my grief doesn't seem to be apparent all the time. And as much as we encourage each other to express ourselves and do what we need to do to get through our grief ... being silent about it in certain circumstances can be more helpful than we might know.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-70321237024823858932013-11-26T13:07:54.193-08:002013-11-26T13:07:54.193-08:00Kudos to you Chris - I haven't quite reached t...Kudos to you Chris - I haven't quite reached that stage yet (18 months out) as I don't want anyone to forget how important my partner was to me - how much we loved each other, etc. My biggest fear is that people will forget about him (and I guess deep down my fear is that I will forget some important things/memories - even though I know they will always be buried/burned in my brain somewhere). I agree though, it isn't always about me and my grief...that is part of moving on with life...it's so hard though... I have lost my dad (almost 30 years ago) - who was my best friend, business partner as well as my father; and now I have lost my companion (he and my dad never met - at least not in "this life"...) who was my soul mate, confident, best friend and love-of-my life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-37996494552583590942013-11-26T12:41:58.858-08:002013-11-26T12:41:58.858-08:00At almost six years out, I am also silent. I have...At almost six years out, I am also silent. I have found that discussing either my marital status or cancer with people I've recently met tends to suck the air out of the room. Nobody wants to know, and quite honestly at this point, nobody gives a sh*t. I keep my stuff to myself.<br />I have only told two people where I currently work what my truth is. I don't plan to discuss it with anyone else. When I move in a few months and leave this area and the house I shared with my husband, I will also not tell anyone. That information is saved for those who I want to become close to and is not for public consumption.<br />I get tired of people feeling sorry for me and offering their unsolicited advice.<br />Amazing what we do to maintain our sanity isn't it?DharmaDoghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18188614971463972798noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-36294275588172080472013-11-26T10:54:58.978-08:002013-11-26T10:54:58.978-08:00I, too, have chosen to be silent on occasion. Havi...I, too, have chosen to be silent on occasion. Having lost both a parent and spouse, and now watching my Dad slipping away, I realize so much more about life and loss and how to cope. There's a time to be quiet, and let it be, and a time to open up, and share what I've learned. Mostly it's not about me anymore to anyone but me. Nice to read your words, again, Chris. Bad ass selfie!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-15074450821661748522013-11-26T09:31:59.836-08:002013-11-26T09:31:59.836-08:00I love this. We can't help but to swing that ...I love this. We can't help but to swing that battle-axe around in the beginning. It's like we can't believe we are really holding it and maybe as we swing and cause pain, someone will grab it away from us. Then we'll be normal again. We have to see what is going to happen when we test it's power. I think you were pretty powerful without it when you answered "no." Like you said, it still is by your side, if you need it.Janicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13119305752920928805noreply@blogger.com