tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post169715936325320863..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : Intensive CareMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-63598980096228479612013-02-26T08:23:37.530-08:002013-02-26T08:23:37.530-08:00I think that this is what has surprised me the mos...I think that this is what has surprised me the most, just how very physical grief is. I am a nurse, and as an educator had taught about the concept of grief and loss many times, but I don't remember if I ever talked about the raw physical pain. After all, I had never experienced a loss until I lost my husband, the ultimate loss. My white picket fence sure came crashing down. I like your analogy, your ICU. For the first time this past w/e I let myself stay in bed until 4pm, I am approaching the one year anniversary of his passing and am just now learning to "be good to myself". Nursing a broken heart is no easy task :-(Coveparenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05948805808200753420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-4086144040220449842013-02-25T15:36:04.376-08:002013-02-25T15:36:04.376-08:00This post, and the comments really speak to me. Th...This post, and the comments really speak to me. The hole in my heart, my life, and my brain...that's how I think of it. I've often compared the effect of grief/loss on my brain to a concussion. I just wonder if I will ever recover, and I feel frustrated by what seem like new limitations on my basic ability to function. But you are right, we need to accept that we have been changed by our loss, and it's important to show ourselves gentle, patient, compassionate kindness as we heal. For however long it takes. For myself, I will return to a buddhist quote that I haven't looked at in a while: "Life is so hard, how can we be anything but kind?" It goes for ourselves, too. Thank you for your post. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-12048192779536882552013-02-24T15:11:05.766-08:002013-02-24T15:11:05.766-08:00I can relate to this post in a slightly different ...I can relate to this post in a slightly different way and your timing is uncanny. Just yesterday as I was thinking (my brain NEVER stops thinking about him) I had the revelation that even though my husband was the only one in the car that night and there were no other cars or witnesses, in reality I WAS involved in it too. My heart was broken into a million pieces and every square inch of my being is bruised and sore. I'm slowly picking up the pieces of my heart and the bruises are beginning to fade but some days I need to allow myself to hurt. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-66002318963769856812013-02-24T07:42:14.610-08:002013-02-24T07:42:14.610-08:00Hi anonymous, your post felt so familiar to me. I ...Hi anonymous, your post felt so familiar to me. I hadn't forgotten my husband, but for the first year most of what I could retrieve was all of my anger at him, mostly for his behavior when he was sick but we didn't know it. I also think I was physically recovering from the strain of caring for him, our two small girls, and my job while he was sick. Now that I am at 15 months I feel like I am really doing the work of grieving (following another very stressful time). I finally signed up for a support group for young widows, which I hope will help. There are so many reasons not to grieve when we have small kids, unfortunately I am finding that it doesn't take away the need to do that work, and it is painful and exhausting, just what I don't feel up to in my life. I hate tolerating my semi-functional brain, fuzziness and lack of patience but they don't seem to be optional. Let's just hang in and find and take all the help and support we can.Tracey K.https://www.blogger.com/profile/01349461488444567601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-26247324783882849042013-02-24T07:07:51.350-08:002013-02-24T07:07:51.350-08:00I have said that Grief is like post tramatic sydro...I have said that Grief is like post tramatic sydrome. You never known when it will hit you, how you will react, it is unpredictable. It is something you will never get over, but learn to live with! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-51979709946715877252013-02-24T06:10:16.520-08:002013-02-24T06:10:16.520-08:00Well said!!! That book has been my close companio...Well said!!! That book has been my close companion on my grief journey these two years. I found it randomly at the library when it had only been 3 weeks since losing my Marty. Up till that time I hadn't even thought about getting educated about grief; what was another red flag of how grief stricken I was, because in my life, my modus operandi is always to read, read, read all I can when faced or deciding about something new. Obviously losing my beloved was something I was faced with. I now have read many books. I am an amazon used queen! But "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" has been a frequent go back to for me. They have a wonderful list (pg 22,23) that you can copy and give out to friends, about how to 'really' help the grieving. It is a great book when you receive someone elses unfortunate news to share with them.<br />You speak words of truth. I too, need to reconsider the ICU.Mjayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10497341946686034149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-39936892505827707652013-02-24T01:13:45.383-08:002013-02-24T01:13:45.383-08:00Hi Melinda. Your piece really struck a chord with ...Hi Melinda. Your piece really struck a chord with me. I am 11 months into this hell and I have often found myself wondering why I don't think about my wife at all ... why I can't remember her face, her voice, her laugh or for that matter much from our 7 years of life together. I have often wondered whether I am simply a sociopath who never loved my wife in the first place - until I force myself to think about our life together and I know in my heart I loved her more than life itself. <br /><br />Your comments about brain surgery are spot on as it relates to me ... I know I am a bit (or a lot) messed up and despite seeing a counsellor I don't feel as though I have made any progress in this regard. It does seem as though an entire section of my brain has been removed. Part of this I think is because I have two kids under the age of 5 that rely on me solely (I have no family within 700 miles of where I live) so perhaps my brain is taking measures to ensure I can carry on and work, run a household and protect my kids. <br /><br />PCAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com