tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post2761361640589217184..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : The Love of FriendsMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-12772824513417615222012-12-14T15:03:54.009-08:002012-12-14T15:03:54.009-08:00I literally had a friend tell me I was a fun suck ...I literally had a friend tell me I was a fun suck and he didn't want to hang out any more. Actual words. :( It was at a time when I needed his friendship the most. But how can II explain how hard this was. All he saw was that I wasn't "getting over it" or "moving on." It was hard to deal with and in a way I can't even explain to him. So true that those who haven't been on this journey have no idea how rough the road is. And I'd rather they never know.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-73931905533679867272012-12-14T14:28:05.958-08:002012-12-14T14:28:05.958-08:00Wow! I have never read something that so eloquent...Wow! I have never read something that so eloquently expresses with visuals how I have been feeling in with a few friends. This is one of the "secondary" losses that has hurt me deeply. It has been surprising. I have tried to "fix" it and tried to understand it and I can't. I can only be me. The "new me". The me I don't want and not sure anybody else does either. Honestly, it's almost as if my whole set of friends has shifted and the friends who "get me" now, do what you talk about - they are not afraid of hurting me, even though they may; there is so much grace given because they are still hanging with me, almost two years later. The friends still with me, have figured out a way to be with me - whether naturally or with some effort, we have come up with ways that don't put it all on me to arrange schedules. And they aren't afraid to share their hurts - we all agree, NOTHING compares to my loss, but that doesn't mean I don't want to know if they are hurting too. So many have quit sharing with me, preferring me to "tell all" and then they don't share anything?? I have found that when I close my heart and don't share, that I come off as cold; and yet when I open my heart, I share too much and others share nothing. That's not right but I have not figured out how to change that yet.<br />The biggest thing that I realized is that in some cases, I was, or at least I felt like I was a line on someones "to do" list that they neatly checked off after we spent time together. I hate that friendship has been reduced to that.<br />Losing my Marty was hard enough, relinquishing so much else, losing so much else adds so much more pain, as if that could ever be. <br />Thank you so much for this wonderful post. I am forwarding it to my adult kids as it so well describes what I have been trying to say.Mjayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10497341946686034149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-3000083010501193442012-12-14T12:22:40.667-08:002012-12-14T12:22:40.667-08:00Just talked to a widowed friend about this for ove...Just talked to a widowed friend about this for over an hour today. The gulf we feel between us and those who haven't experienced this yet. The guilt we feel for not being able to support our non widowed friends in their pain b/c we have too much of our own still, the fact that our non widowed friends are worried about hurting us more. It's such a tricky and confusing situation to be in and it makes sense that relationships falter and shift so much along this journey. Doesn't make it any easier. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com