tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post3288333952729075580..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : ThankfulMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-26303302372513223722012-12-01T12:59:54.633-08:002012-12-01T12:59:54.633-08:00Cathy,
When I read your expression "being dea...Cathy,<br />When I read your expression "being dealt very different cards and trying to make a play with my hand" it reminded me of something my husband spoke to my heart a few months after he died; it was an expression he frequently used, but I had never thought about it in terms of my pain or grief. In love and with all tenderness he said, "Mary, you gotta play the cards you've been dealt. I know it's hard and i know there's no 'draw' pile for you; but you can do this; you will figure out how to play the cards for a win." I'm not sure he's write, because it seems that I don't have a clue most of the time. I'm just holding onto the cards and rearranging them and taking a guess and playing a discard. No real strategy, but trying. This is so hard.<br />We too were a "till death do us part" couple; I too realized after having so many lunches and dinners now with girlfriends that what my Marty and I had in life was so very different than the majority. I felt we had a lot of living to do yet and still think we did, but am realizing that we did a lot of that living in our years together, so in love and so much more than most. Not sure that is comforting though, because it seems to make the pain deeper. <br />It has been said, to the height of your joy is the depth of your pain, but I wouldn't trade a minute of my life with him. Mjayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10497341946686034149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-74139507176661228952012-11-30T08:33:18.707-08:002012-11-30T08:33:18.707-08:00We, too, expected to be rocking away in old age to...We, too, expected to be rocking away in old age together. When the holidays roll around, I try not to focus on the last ones together, but it always seems to come to the fore front for me, no matter how hard I try to just be in the present. Like you, we were together "til death do us part", little did we know death was lurking just around the corner.<br />It is so very difficult to be thankful for something that has been taken away, but in truth, without that shared love and life, I would have nothing on my plate. <br /><br />Your Grandparents are some of the luck ones, my parents were , too. I have been dealt very different cards, and I'm trying to make a play with my hand. Some days I just want to throw them in, others I'm holding out. Thanks, Chris, for sharing your Thanksgiving with us. Although it hurts to see and hear of those elderly loving couples, it gives me strength to know that love prevails.Cathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-59155540350547611472012-11-30T06:16:27.001-08:002012-11-30T06:16:27.001-08:00Chris - love this part "Maggie and me, we wer...Chris - love this part "Maggie and me, we were good together to the end. I guess that’s a love story, too."<br /><br />My husband and I planned to be together until the very end. Not long after he died a good friend said "do you realise the two of you did it - you were in love the whole time and you lived out your vows until death do you part. You loved each other until the end. Some people will never have that".<br /><br />I had never looked at it like that. The vows, the love each other until one of us died that people sometimes envision on their marriage day. I wanted to get old together . . . but . . . in a way we did.<br />It was a love story.<br />Thanks for sharing your thanks Chris.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-72767306607128253732012-11-30T04:38:48.042-08:002012-11-30T04:38:48.042-08:00My dream for the future was the same as yours and ...My dream for the future was the same as yours and I too feel cheated at times. Yet, I hope that people like us (who withstand sufferings that were very different than what we expected) can find a special sense of accomplishment in navigating through the worst of the unexpected.<br /><br />When I married a military officer, I thought (based on how he spoke of his career plans) that he would leave the military after a few years. I was very surprised when he made a career of it and stayed in for the long haul. When he readied for retirement, I steeled myself to be the best wife ever during this challenge, I expected upheaval and challenge, but what I got was VERY FAR from what I expected. I didnt expect him to melt down and leave our family...he told me I was a terrible wife & he regretted ever marrying me. He was a mess for a few years. I mourned the fact that I didnt have a chance to be a supportive military wife like I had imagined I would but later I realized that I was even better, I was a steady wife when the situation was 10 times worse than I ever expected. (He later returned to reconcile our marriage and family). <br /><br />I so wish that Maggie had lived to feed you pureed peas. I wish that my husband didnt die so suddenly (missing out on the 50s 60s, 70s and 80s that his dad and grandfather before him got to live) . I hurt deeply when I see old couples together - even in their suffering - they likely have no idea how many young people envy them. <br /><br />You and I have been called to a different sort of suffering...one not chosen. One not expected or forseeable...and yet by doing as well as we have / are in it, I think we can bring great dignity to it and in that perhaps show love for the ones we love just as surely as if we were feeding them the pureed peas. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com