tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post3519188805988445381..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : My Struggles with the Death of A Hero Michele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-82043740730295544252013-01-12T14:13:43.158-08:002013-01-12T14:13:43.158-08:00Love this Claire. Love this Claire. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-1222269778642203542013-01-11T17:36:46.880-08:002013-01-11T17:36:46.880-08:00That was the bravest blog post I ever read. I am s...That was the bravest blog post I ever read. I am so sorry for your losses. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-27327320577994204032013-01-11T17:35:06.195-08:002013-01-11T17:35:06.195-08:00That was the bravest blog post I have ever read. I...That was the bravest blog post I have ever read. I am sorry for you losses. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-91726138195016097072013-01-11T17:01:55.669-08:002013-01-11T17:01:55.669-08:00Chris, absolutely it's ok for it to sit like t...Chris, absolutely it's ok for it to sit like that. Death sucks. Particularly for your Maggie. You were robbed of her life. When my wife died my grandmother outlived lived her by about 2 months. Just don't be hard on yourself about how you feel. Paulnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-8334796236250849832013-01-11T16:27:30.219-08:002013-01-11T16:27:30.219-08:00Excellent post, brave words, true...so very true. ...Excellent post, brave words, true...so very true. The words of 'comfort' often are so hallow and until yoy have been there you don't realize not only are they hallow but they are hurtful. Sending tons of positive healing, coping, understanding vibes your way. Losing a love is, in very trite term, hard...losing a hero is too. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10917103540157335877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-63211668273201539652013-01-11T15:07:09.620-08:002013-01-11T15:07:09.620-08:00Yes Chris it is. Someties you just have to sit sti...Yes Chris it is. Someties you just have to sit still and hurt.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-13953705867478468532013-01-11T14:46:20.956-08:002013-01-11T14:46:20.956-08:00As a biologist, I figure that death is just what h...As a biologist, I figure that death is just what happens at the end of life - these comments about "being in a better place" etc. are, I believe, peoples' attempts to make themselves (and, misguidedly, maybe you) feel better about this unavoidable fact. The death of your grandfather leaves a hole in your heart, you will miss him, but death at 90 is expected - at least that's how I felt upon the death of my own 90+ year old grandfather. The death of Maggie was NOT expected,did not make sense, and was incredibly unfair to her and to you. I think once we experience that kind of loss, other losses in our life call up the same feelings, because we just can't take more pain. Your grandmother cared for your grandfather for the sake of her own relationship with him.I'm sure she has been much more concerned that you survive your own profound loss than that you help her with a loss that came at the end of what I presume to be a long and happy life; one that I'm sure she had prayed that you and Maggie would also experience. Clairenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-57486284770841218142013-01-11T13:33:50.513-08:002013-01-11T13:33:50.513-08:00It's totally OK. As a matter of fact, I encour...It's totally OK. As a matter of fact, I encourage it. Better to sit with the real feelings and experience them rather than try to push them aside. Life isn't all peaches and cream; sometimes we get screwed and it isn't fair at all. Most of the time, things are great, fantastic even. But every once in a while we get SUCKer punched; some of us more and/or harder than others. But that's life - it's a damn roller coaster ride.<br />Scott Carlinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-80361540986213789962013-01-11T13:17:51.814-08:002013-01-11T13:17:51.814-08:00Yes honey death does suck,while we are still mourn...Yes honey death does suck,while we are still mourning our loved ones and face other losses it sucks even more. In the last two years since my husband died I have faced other close losses too and they all sucked and all brought back memories and resentments from the time when hubby died too. Nothing I can do about those memories or that sucky feeling while it is happening. It is just another wave to ride. <br /><br />After the loss of my much loved "Adopted Dad" I felt the same. When I saw my "Mum" all I could do was hug her and cry with her for both her great loss and mine. Tears, shared tears brought healing to yet another wound on my heart.<br /><br />Cry for your Grandfather, cry for Maggie, cry for your Grandmother and cry for yourself. Sometimes it is the only way to deal with sucky.... The sun will shine again and you will start to climb out of that pit. <br /><br />(((HUGS))) and thoughts.... <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-19636578190586231842013-01-11T13:17:50.012-08:002013-01-11T13:17:50.012-08:00Not only is it ok to sit with that, but I think it...Not only is it ok to sit with that, but I think it's a crucial part of the grieving process. Some things just aren't comforting. Some things are wrong. Some things are unfair. Some things SHOULDN'T be explained away with platitudes. They just ARE. It takes so much courage to sit with the unfairness of it all and NOT try to make it all better. What's so frustrating about those attempts is that they imply that it CAN be made better.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-14127593953419804442013-01-11T12:25:00.145-08:002013-01-11T12:25:00.145-08:00Sometimes it is all just too hard and you have not...Sometimes it is all just too hard and you have nothing left for a little while to give anyone else. Your grandmother understands this and you will be around for her 'after the others have gone'. That will be your contribution. So for now..it's OK to just sit. That's the biggest permission I now give myself....to do what I can, when I can.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-74189021175221562312013-01-11T09:41:14.500-08:002013-01-11T09:41:14.500-08:00Yes, Chris, it's very okay to sit with that. I...Yes, Chris, it's very okay to sit with that. I do it all the time. Luckily I don't have any obligation to end my post on a positive note. Most (not all) of the people in my life are gone, as well. I guess because I've changed so much. It does suck. DJnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-8697068882996499912013-01-11T09:10:00.505-08:002013-01-11T09:10:00.505-08:00My father is a retired minister. When my husband ...My father is a retired minister. When my husband died I turned to my father and told him that I just did not understand his death at all. My father replied “Sometimes things just suck”. Somehow it made me feel better. He did not try to sugar coat it or come up with some theological reason. He just acknowledged my pain and agreed that it was a horrible thing to have happen. So I want you to know that I understand how you feel. You are right… this is just not fair….it sucks… This site helps me by reminding me that I am not alone. It shows me that others have gone through this and survived. They are rebuilding their lives after being dealt a rotten hand. It gives me hope that I can too…Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-17200004307773676662013-01-11T08:56:41.398-08:002013-01-11T08:56:41.398-08:00We all have thoughts that we're either embarra...We all have thoughts that we're either embarrassed about or hate that we had those thoughts in the first place. It's just human nature. I'll bet your grandparents belonged to a church or were active in some groups that organize the food deliveries after someone dies. That could explain why you didn't get the same thing when Maggie died. {{{hugs}}}Misadventures of Widowhoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17262709452281226620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-77557786390836493902013-01-11T06:27:48.784-08:002013-01-11T06:27:48.784-08:00Dearest Chris, thank you for your total honesty an...Dearest Chris, thank you for your total honesty and for just saying "some things just suck". It is okay to stay with that. I have read most of your posts and know that you will not be down for too long. <br /><br />My 85 year old uncle died just before Christmas and I can very much relate to your experience. It all sucks. There, I said it, too! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com