tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post4770427392590204807..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : Life is Messy ....Michele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-86679341880474064332011-03-09T19:48:30.863-08:002011-03-09T19:48:30.863-08:00Thanks for this (re)post Janine.
I think the bott...Thanks for this (re)post Janine.<br /><br />I think the bottom line is that people say stupid things, whether they're believers or not. And that problem stems from the fact that they CANNOT imagine how unbelievably, soulsuckingly bad it is to be diagnosed with a terminal illness and/or to be widowed.<br /><br />I too believed God would save Dave. And Dave, well, he had the ability to see God's grace in the midst of his diagnosis. When Haiti was devastated by the earthquake a year ago, Dave was a month into his diagnosis and a week into chemo. He was thankful for the life he was given and recognized how much worse it could be. In the end I was thankful for the 6 months we had. It was 6 months of many people telling Dave how much he was loved. (He was a high school teacher, and hockey & basketball coach. There were A LOT of people!) Not everybody gets that chance. And so I try to say 'God is Good'. But it's not that easy.<br /><br />I recently read 'Choosing to See', and I just finished 'A Grief Observed' by C.S. Lewis, in which he he shares his journals after his wife's death. It is helping me to understand why we sometimes get no answers to our prayers. 'When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of "No answer". It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, "Peace, child; you don't understand."'<br /><br />God is there. We simply cannot comprehend the bigger picture. (1 Corinthians 13:12)<br /><br />Don't get me wrong. I still struggle. Every day. I do however find peace when I'm able see glimpses of God's plan.Valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04512708135377541004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-47555500657625629322011-03-09T15:39:41.173-08:002011-03-09T15:39:41.173-08:00Yes indeed, shit does happen. I am a practicing C...Yes indeed, shit does happen. I am a practicing Christian and I have had a strong faith almost my entire life. I still have a very strong faith. I have had people tell me that either I didn't pray with enough belief or that I didn't pray enough. And to that I ..... and my God .... say BS (well, maybe God wouldn't say BS). I know that I believed. I never thought for one second that Jim would die. I don't think any of us at the hospital that whole day and night thought that. And there were thousands of people all over the world praying. Here's what I learned from all of this ..... Christians are not immune from bad things. And we should be much more aware of that than we are. Who are any of us to think that we would be spared the bad things in life? All I know is that when bad things do happen .... I am not alone. Even when I feel like it. <br />And this, too, I know .... people who represent Christ need to love hard, and not preach. Just love.Janinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00949809367923657970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-44432771118971827782011-03-09T06:03:04.344-08:002011-03-09T06:03:04.344-08:00exactly. There's a subtle shaming in that turn...exactly. There's a subtle shaming in that turn it over to god and things will be alright. As though if your love died in an accident (or how ever), you clearly weren't "right with god." AND that if you are in pain after your love dies, then you are not Doing It Correctly With God. Turning life over to god (however you interpret or understand that) as a daily practice makes your daily practice good. I mean, in before life, my daily practice made me who I was. But it in no way "protected" me, and clearly in no way protected my love, if by "protection" we mean "if you are good with god, you will not die at 39 in a crazy accidental drowning and leave your love and your kid." There is no protection like that. Life is messy. Shit happens. If I can find that the god I knew still sits here beside me, prepared me as best she could - then that is a messy god I can work with.meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10064483599165161879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-24219205493824057542011-03-09T05:48:43.131-08:002011-03-09T05:48:43.131-08:00Amen Sister!
When my husband was sick, there were...Amen Sister!<br /><br />When my husband was sick, there were those people -usually well meaning fundamentalist Christian people ( I know, I know - not all like this) who would sneakily ask about my husbands health with concern and then somehow weave in the "if only. . . "<br />If only he prayed more. . . <br />Believed more . .. <br />Trusted God more . . . <br />Went back to church (that was his mother! Imagine pressuring your son with a terminal stage four brain tumour! )<br />Had greater faith in miracles. . .<br />Held a healing service . . . <br /><br />It made me want to vomit, sometimes it made me cry. The judgment behind those statements is monumental. More of less implying If you have cancer - there is a reason and it probably has to do with your lack of faith or your life or your soul. <br /><br />My response was always " my husband is a deeply good and spiritual person and needs no spiritual "intervention" to bring him back to something he has never lost"<br /><br />To the most rude of "why do you think he got a brain tumour?"<br />I would respond "I don't know why - in the same way I can't understand why some babies are born with cancer, surely their souls are about as pure as they can get at that point!"<br /><br />The judgment, the sanctimonious smiles, the implication that God has doomed you for a neat and tidy reason and those in "the right church" practicing "the right way" are safe and sound and free from pain and worry.<br /><br />This is why I have begun to practice Buddhism (and yes it too has its issues) but the idea of "loving kindness" the simplicity and non judgment is the only thing that makes sense to me now.<br /><br />I have travelled extensively and the picture reminds me of the poverty, the despair and the many places in the world where beautiful, kind, honest people are desperately trying to make life - a good life - for their families, to do work they can be paid for, to be open to God and to happiness and to love. <br />They deserve it just as much as we in the developed world do and if we are going to believe that "that God" is up in the sky - damning half the world because they live where they do, believe what they do and don't look like white middle class North America (thank goodness we have diversity in this world) then yeah, I guess "that God" is also up there pointing out the ones that are going to die from cancer. . . just because.<br /><br />I believe - we are here for each other.<br /><br />I believe - we are on a journey of self discovery and self actualisation.<br /><br />I believe - are bodies are finite, but we are not.<br /><br />I believe judging each other only increases our universal suffering.<br /><br />I believe cancer can not slay the vast beauty of the human heart.<br /><br />There is a beautiful book of fiction by Kevin Brockmeier called "the illumination". It is wonderful, painful, beautifully written.<br /><br />Of our human existence he says "they believed their lives were like falling silver coins, flashing for merely an instant before they returned to darkness. They were wrong, but it is what they believed."<br /><br />Is it possible that we are all numinous beings on the way -<br />and that our judgment of one another will only take us off the path and into darkness?<br /><br />I wonder about that.<br /><br />PeaceAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com