tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post5610592060621972729..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : The BeachMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-34219877546768119972012-04-03T07:57:21.438-07:002012-04-03T07:57:21.438-07:00Trust your intuition, it will grow stronger and mo...Trust your intuition, it will grow stronger and more clear as time goes on. The fact that you listened and then were able to turn away when it didn't work out as planned shows your strength even though you felt defeated and exhausted. <br />Like Cathy, I have scattered Tim's ashes all over the world in our favorite places and have most of him left in a beautiful ceramic pot in our bedroom. I have a small "travel urn" I got from the funeral home; I take it with me on my travels. I also have a lovely heart locket with some of his ashes inside. When went to the jewelry store with the idea of finding a locket for his ashes, I was surprised to be told that they make special "ash lockets". I love wearing Tim around my neck...it brings much comfort. My plan is to have our ashes intermingled when I die and scattered in the ocean together. Your heart and intuition will tell you when it is time for you Cassie. In the mean time, I wish you peace and light.Red-tailed Hawk Taleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17445356682812889441noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-87898035234543428252012-04-02T22:30:38.884-07:002012-04-02T22:30:38.884-07:00Good point! I had to grin at your warning about th...Good point! I had to grin at your warning about the direction of the wind. Great example of how real life almost never looks like what you imagined!<br />I will keep that in mind and formulate a plan.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-20677022573065549492012-04-02T22:27:55.710-07:002012-04-02T22:27:55.710-07:00Interestingly, every time I think of doing it with...Interestingly, every time I think of doing it with someone, it feels wrong. It feels like it should just be Dave and me. That could very well change, though.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-10205301094440797842012-04-02T22:27:06.634-07:002012-04-02T22:27:06.634-07:00I do not have the perspective that many years as a...I do not have the perspective that many years as a widow/er gives a person, so thank you for sharing what you've learned along the way. <br />I think it's so interesting how we do things at such different rates. And what I've found is that when it feels right to do something, it IS right. Each choice I make is a fork. If I had gone left, I might regret not going to the right and if I'd gone to the right, I might regret not going to the left. It just doesn't matter, as long as it felt right at the time and that it was taking care of me. It's not too soon or too late, right or wrong, it just IS and what I make of it is what matters. UNLESS, I do something I'm not ready to do (although even then, I can still make the best of it and LEARN from it). For example, I felt, in the pit of my stomach, that I wasn't ready for a little dedication ceremony to Dave the other day and once I made the decision not to go (at the last minute), I felt infinitely better. I knew I wasn't ready, I didn't push myself, and my body and heart instantly told me I'd made the choice I needed to make for me. <br />Taking care of me is something I'm learning as I go. But I'm learning!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-59562384023192069582012-04-02T21:25:59.693-07:002012-04-02T21:25:59.693-07:00Cassie,
As others have said, that day will come fo...Cassie,<br />As others have said, that day will come for you, you will know when it is time. I have scattered my husbands ashes in several of our favorite spots, mostly lakes and oceans where we sailed and swam. And I still have some remaining in a ceramic pot I made on his dresser. They have sat there for 2+ years, that someday will come for them, too. If I may make a suggestion, when the day comes for you, don't do it alone, give yourself some support. You know others will be there for you, it's nothing you have to do alone. Wait for that day you envision.Cathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-61552566114960581642012-04-02T16:53:18.518-07:002012-04-02T16:53:18.518-07:00I remember reading that you are still early on? I...I remember reading that you are still early on? If I may offer advice...I know they say not to do anything within the first year. I decided instinctively to give it three years, not to have any expectations of myself, and just try to get through the days. And I am now at 29 months, and it is so true that time makes a difference. I still have a long way to go, but I can see now that I have come a long way. Give yourself a break. It really is best not to do much of anything right now, because you don't want to regret things in a year that you did now on impulse. I know I always play it safe, but I still have all of my husbands' belongings, clothing in the closet and drawers, ashes on his night table, and when the time is right will be the time when it won't hurt me to clear things out. And the time isn't there yet, although I can envision it now. There is no rush. There is enough of a void left from their passing, no need to make it bigger by moving faster than you want to on impulse. My husband gave me a refrigerator magnet once, it says "Never go faster than your Guardian Angel can fly." Take it one hour, day or minute at a time, but don't rush. It won't take away your grief, or make it go away any faster. Just breathe, and have faith that everything happens in its' own time, and go with your gut. This post of yours is very, very touching, and I think we have all had our moments of not even knowing what/where to do with ourselves. Just give it time, and take good care of yourself.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-74628653072951764942012-04-02T11:43:44.563-07:002012-04-02T11:43:44.563-07:00When the day comes you will know.
The sun will out...When the day comes you will know.<br />The sun will out.<br />The breeze will be blowing in the right direction.<br />When you free his remains to be carried away by wind and sea.<br />It will feel as it is meant to feel.<br />On that day.<br />And it will be an ending and a beginning and a coming full circle.<br />Grief may defeat us in moments but only for moments.<br />We rise again and again.<br />Peace to you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-36287345944343864262012-04-02T09:02:54.216-07:002012-04-02T09:02:54.216-07:00Cassie, your honesty is so admirable! You are ver...Cassie, your honesty is so admirable! You are very brave and smart enough to yield to the grief instead of forcing yourself to do something you are just not ready to do. Do not consider yourself "defeated". I am just over 2 years and still not ready for some things. <br /><br />I pray that special day will come for you and I suspect it will be emotional, tearful, painful but most importantly peaceful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-213052089719977662012-04-02T08:14:26.648-07:002012-04-02T08:14:26.648-07:00Hi Cassie.
I feel for you.
I have to be honest th...Hi Cassie.<br />I feel for you.<br /><br />I have to be honest though. As I read through your post, I was cringing as I thought this story was going to turn out entirely differently.<br /><br />As sad as I am that you weren't able to finish your plan that day, I'm happy that it didn't turn out as I was fearing it might.<br /><br />My Dave was not cremated, however the father of a friend of mine died and was cremated a few months after Dave died. My friend told the story of how her mother went out in a canoe onto the very still lake at their cabin to spread the ashes, and it was very anti-climactic. There was no breeze or wind whatsoever and the ashes just plunked out of the bag directly into the water. It was not romantic she said - it was almost comedic.<br /><br />This is still not what I was fearing would happen to you.<br />I don't know the area that you intended on spreading your Dave's ashes, but if you're standing on shore at the ocean, with the waves crashing in at your feet, I'm pretty sure that the wind isn't going to blow the ashes out to sea, but quite the opposite.<br /><br />So, my point is to pay attention to the wind on the day that you decide to spread his ashes.<br /><br />Good luck to you and I hope you get your perfect sunny day soon!Valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04512708135377541004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-61883563221445951102012-04-02T07:29:46.921-07:002012-04-02T07:29:46.921-07:00Cassie, it's just amazing. We have never met,...Cassie, it's just amazing. We have never met, but I guess that in our similar circumstances (age, no children, amount of time since loss) I feel incredibly in tune with your ups and downs. <br /><br />As the 1 year mark for Greg approaches in just a couple weeks, I have had my share of ups and downs. Seemingly much more poigniant than the past year. Or perhaps it's because I now feel them more, with the haze of numbness havning mostly worn off. <br /><br />Greg requested to be shot out of a cannon (yes, no joke) after he was gone. Shot out of a cannon?! So, after some technical difficulties earlier this year, we are trying again on the 14th of this month. 1 year and 2 days after he died. But I will have remains left.. and have worked to figure out what to do with them. Scattering them in different places all around the NW is what I have come up with, starting with Crater Lake and St. Helens this summer. But I also understand the drive/impulse to make that happen... then the realization later that your heart is not in it. (or maybe, that's the challenge... your heart is with Dave...). <br /><br />Though it doesn't feel like it, all things will be figured out in due time. I know this is true but so hard to allow that to play out. If only we had a button to go back in time....<br /><br />Thoughts of strength and peace for you today, Cassie. Thank you for sharing.Shana Larsennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-2025033653057255812012-04-02T05:49:50.945-07:002012-04-02T05:49:50.945-07:00so perfectly descriptive of this life.so perfectly descriptive of this life.meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10064483599165161879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-2453154908194978852012-04-02T02:22:54.480-07:002012-04-02T02:22:54.480-07:00I still have andrew's ashes too cassie, and so...I still have andrew's ashes too cassie, and someday when the time is right and I can find the strength I will do something with them. But until that day arrives, surviving the other days is enough. You will be ok.....it will be two years for me on 5/4 and I can't believe I made it but I have. You will be ok.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com