tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post6090895504475121483..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : Suicide SearchMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-44924073792482984862017-05-08T14:13:21.704-07:002017-05-08T14:13:21.704-07:00My husband of 44 years hung himself about a year a...My husband of 44 years hung himself about a year ago, he had a mental breakdown after a forced retirement.<br />He felt he was a burden to me, which hurts, my love for him has always been strong & taking care of him during his struggle was not by any means a burden. I have strong faith, feel a sense of peace, but having a difficult time making decisions, and trying to stay strong for family and self. Knowing others have been on this road - does help, I wish I could grab each of you for a group hug. Pray for peace, continue on the journey....Ms. Rose from RingwoodAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15633487577648765112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-60053495652350961432017-02-13T22:58:12.054-08:002017-02-13T22:58:12.054-08:00I'm very sorry for your loss. Widow's Voic...I'm very sorry for your loss. Widow's Voice has moved to the Soaring Spirits web site: http://www.soaringspirits.org/blog<br /><br />You may also wish to join us in Widowed Village, where we have a private group for Suicide Survivors: http://widowedvillage.org/Diannehttp://www.soaringspirits.org/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-41923314614107117082017-02-13T14:05:00.379-08:002017-02-13T14:05:00.379-08:00My husband killed himself, four months ago and I f...My husband killed himself, four months ago and I feel so guilty because I didn't do anything to help him. This came to a surprise to me and to everyone that knew him. We have 5 kids and now I am so alone and feel empty and worthless. I feel like I do not deserve to be happy again as I fail him as a wife and a friend. I didn't see this coming. How as his wife and as his BF that I proudly use to tell him .. didn't see this coming. I was so busy all the time with kids and a full time work.. but still think I should have been able to see signs... I hate myself for this. I love my chidlre and only for them, I know I must keep going. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-78085952674038906972016-05-21T18:28:59.762-07:002016-05-21T18:28:59.762-07:00I am so sorry for your loss. Melinda no longer wri...I am so sorry for your loss. Melinda no longer writes for this blog and Widow's Voice has moved to a new location with Rebecca (a suicide survivor) writing on Saturdays. Here's a link to where you'll now find the Widow's Voice blogs: http://www.soaringspirits.org/blog<br /><br />You may also wish to join us in Widowed Village, where we have a private group for Suicide Survivors: http://widowedvillage.org/Diannehttp://amyelomawidowsjourney.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-30655344246424520502016-05-21T13:46:26.381-07:002016-05-21T13:46:26.381-07:00Anonymous 2/15 - My story is so similar to yours. ...Anonymous 2/15 - My story is so similar to yours. My husband was/is my soulmate and best friend. We were together for 36 years and all but the last 5 were wonderful. I was so lucky and grateful to have this special man as my life partner, even when his anxiety and depression were at their worst. His mental health struggles were ours to work through together. We survived so many horrible events together, always together as a team. We lost our only child shortly after her birth, his previous 2 suicide attempts, losing our home to foreclosure during the recession. I have no one to lean on either. What few family that are left are also dysfunctional. Friends were pushed away due to my husbands illness and the handful that are there really don't understand. We were a team, my person, my life. I am alone and struggle with what to do and how to go on. He has been gone a little over a year now. I too have thought of suicide. I'm so screwed up that I wouldn't even be able to follow through on it. I've also moved, changed jobs, just searching for something but can't find it. The one person I need to talk to who could help me is gone, forever. But as you said, he is my life. I am truly alone and a mess. And trying to function in a world I feel I am no longer a part of. It has been more than 3 years since you wrote your note on 2/15/13. I hope that you were able to find some peace and light in your life. I hope I can do the same. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-73165950278549834022016-01-31T22:59:03.679-08:002016-01-31T22:59:03.679-08:00I can relate and I am sorry. It is hell. God kno...I can relate and I am sorry. It is hell. God knows what's best and he saved you and your childrenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-67639143513073384452016-01-02T16:06:32.277-08:002016-01-02T16:06:32.277-08:00Unknown ... I am so sorry for your loss. Melinda n...Unknown ... I am so sorry for your loss. Melinda no longer writes for this blog and Widow's Voice has moved to a new location with Rebecca (a suicide survivor) writing on Saturdays. Here's a link to where you'll now find the Widow's Voice blogs: http://www.soaringspirits.org/blog<br /><br />You may also wish to join us in Widowed Village, where we have a private group for Suicide Survivors: http://widowedvillage.org/Diannehttp://amyelomawidowsjourney.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-34253886416224039622016-01-02T04:43:38.847-08:002016-01-02T04:43:38.847-08:00I lost my partner to suicide a year and a bit ago,...I lost my partner to suicide a year and a bit ago, and I've always known in my heart that he didn't do it to hurt us...finding this blog of yours has been a real help and I thank you so much for giving your perspective on thoughts of someone contemplating suicide, I hope you are well and may God bless you with health and happiness and remember what you have given to me and many others like meAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10497844419719382817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-49040081014717345852015-07-15T15:57:44.358-07:002015-07-15T15:57:44.358-07:00I'm very sorry for your loss and issue with yo...I'm very sorry for your loss and issue with your step-daughter. Widow's Voice has moved to a new location. Rebecca, a suicide survivor, writes on Saturdays. Here's a link to where you'll now find all of the Widow's Voice blogs: http://www.soaringspirits.org/blog<br /><br />You may also wish to join us in Widowed Village, where we have a private group for Suicide Survivors: http://widowedvillage.org/Diannehttp://amyelomawidowsjourney.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-77862015182718852592015-07-15T14:19:38.092-07:002015-07-15T14:19:38.092-07:00My husband of 21 years committed suicide one year ...My husband of 21 years committed suicide one year ago on 6/28/2014. The anniversary of his death has brought back so many memories and depression. I thought that I was making progress, but now I am not so sure. Someone told me the second year was the worst. I do not think that I can bear another year like the last one. I sleep a lot on weekends and sometimes it is all I can do to get up and go to work. I am still in therapy and probably will be for a long time. I did not actually see the suicide, but I heard the gun shot and saw some of the carnage although I could not bear to go into the room. My step daughter blames me and actually accused me of having something to do with this because she did not believe her daddy was would do something like this. I know she just wants someone to blame, but she is married and has 3 kids and lives in FL while I am in SC. She and her father talked on the phone a lot but we did not see her but 2 or 3 times a year. She was left in the will and now is wanting money from me which I do not have and would have to borrow to give to her. I just do not understand how she could do this knowing how hurt and alone I am now. Please say a prayer that she will reconsider.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-14992854800511036172015-06-12T14:08:03.146-07:002015-06-12T14:08:03.146-07:00I'm very sorry for your loss. Widow's Voi...I'm very sorry for your loss. Widow's Voice has moved to a new location. Rebecca, a suicide survivor, writes on Saturdays. Here's a link to where you'll now find the Widow's Voice blogs: http://www.soaringspirits.org/blog<br /><br />You may also wish to join us in Widowed Village, where we have a private group for Suicide Survivors: http://widowedvillage.org/Diannehttp://amyelomawidowsjourney.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-20140514809074108562015-06-12T12:00:28.860-07:002015-06-12T12:00:28.860-07:00I lost my wife five days ago.we got married in Cal...I lost my wife five days ago.we got married in California almost two yrs ago,when same sex marriage wasn't legal yet in Arizona. she bought a gun and ended her life in our home. It is emotional rollercoaster, angry,hurt,what ifs,sadness, lost,crying every type of emotion. I realize she made her choice and there was no way me or anyone else could stop her this time. Please understand that things get better with time and patience,so many are effected after one commits suicide, the pain will always be there but the person will not. Please realize that it effects every one around you and please get help and do not commit this act. Please. Everyday will get better and you can seek out help and professional help. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-72454144417306064242015-06-09T07:39:45.268-07:002015-06-09T07:39:45.268-07:00I am so sorry for your loss. Melinda no longer wri...I am so sorry for your loss. Melinda no longer writes for this blog and Widow's Voice has moved to a new location with Rebecca writing on Saturdays. Here's a link to where you'll now find the Widow's Voice blogs: http://www.soaringspirits.org/blog<br /><br />You may also wish to join us in Widowed Village, where we have a private group for Suicide Survivors: http://widowedvillage.org/Diannehttp://amyelomawidowsjourney.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-43493104514378694232015-06-09T06:46:59.822-07:002015-06-09T06:46:59.822-07:00I understand in a way as my husband committed suic...I understand in a way as my husband committed suicide last April 2014. He hung himself in our daughter's bedroom (she is 11 as well) but unlike your poor daughter finding her Dad, my daughter was with me and were weren't at the apartment, we were two hours drive away. I called the police after my husband sent me an e.mail saying goodbye, they waited outside for 20 minutes as if he was going to politely open the door to them, but even though they couldn't hear exactly what he was saying they still just waited and waited outside while he killed himself.<br />I am like you and even though it's been a year now it feels like just a month ago. We were together for 19 years. He was my best friend and soul mate. I have gone to psychics in the hope of them contacting him (half of me believes it's all nonsense but the other half is desperate to believe it isn't) but the psychics tell me about my future which I have no interest in at all. I want to hear something from him I am not interested in anything that will happen tomorrow as I don't care about any future without my husband. <br />I understand what you said as I know I have to be strong to take care of our daughter and make her strong in the future too but it's so painful when all I want to do is curl up in bed and cry all day. There is no time limit on getting over it, there will never be a time you will get over it. It will always be there in your heart and your mind, don't even try to get over it or move onto what ever 'stage' of grief you are 'supposed' to be on, everything will happen at it's own pace. I feel odd replying to you as I feel like it's just happened to me still and I'm not in a position to suggest any helpful information. I am sorry you and your children have had to go through this, but I do hope your little daughter can get past the image of her Dad and finding him that way. Maybe in time she can see a hypnotherapist or psychologist to help her get past that image. <br />I'm babbling on now, but your post seemed very similar to the way I felt and still feel and I can connect to what you said and how you feel. <br />Take as much time as you want and don't hold your grief in, my daughter sees me cry all the time when I never really cried in front of her before. She knows it's not a sign of weakness and now she has learned to cry more and let her feelings and anger out at her Dad leaving her the way he did. Take care of yourself and don't think of the future, just think of getting up in the morning and getting through the day, when you get into bed at night know that you have accomplished a lot by just getting through and being there for your children. Take care.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-84127016192147855982015-04-27T19:53:35.027-07:002015-04-27T19:53:35.027-07:00Hi Comingandgone, Melinda doesn't write for th...Hi Comingandgone, Melinda doesn't write for this blog any more, but I lost my husband to suicide also. <br /><br />I'm so sorry for that pain and shock that you are experiencing right now. Have you connected to the Widowed Village community yet? You can find it here - http://widowedvillage.org/<br /><br />There is a group specific to suicide loss and it is a safe place, to talk about what you're going through with others who have shared this experience. <br /><br />Are circumstances are different but I remember feeling utterly hopeless at the 6 week mark. Even the 6 month mark. It has gotten easier as time as passed but it is a long, difficult road. You don't need to walk it alone, there are many of us here with you. Rebecca Collinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11421193473127149748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-77578160083075152412015-04-19T04:22:25.212-07:002015-04-19T04:22:25.212-07:00I feel all your pain xx my beautiful tormented hus...I feel all your pain xx my beautiful tormented husband of 32 years took his own life 6 weeks ago we have 5 grown up children 8 beautiful grandchildren he was surrounded by love and forgiveness and he still thought we'd be better of without him , how wrong he was we are all absolutely devastated sledgehammered to the floor and expected to get up and carry on ! I can't I so much want to go to sleep and not wake up until I'm back with all I've known and wanted for 36 years our pain is unbearable .. The future scares the life out of me what future? I have no strength to pick myself up I'm penniless no life insurance left to deal with finances mortgage funeral costs etc and just cannot face the days xx help me someone xComingandgonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15955829924516181411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-43396914902078186152015-04-09T11:19:53.359-07:002015-04-09T11:19:53.359-07:00I lost my husband 2 months ago. he hung himself in...I lost my husband 2 months ago. he hung himself in our basement while I was at work and our 3 daughters were at school. Our youngest, 11, came home and found him when she followed our dog into the basement. I called 911 when she called me and beat the police and EMTs there. the 911 operator had me cut him down but it was obvious he was already dead. My world forever changed that day. I can't stand the thought of another basement. I have panic attacks and my dr out me on anti-depressants. Every time I think I just want to end my life and be with the love of my life again, I think I cannot do that to our girls. I go to counseling once a week. I moved out of my house and in with my father. We were married for 16 1/2 years, together 18yrs. He battled depression for 20 years, hospitalized 3 times. I cannot stand crowds or people asking how I am doing. If one more person says " You're young. you can get remarried and start a new life," I think I will scream! I don't want a new life. I want my husband back and my girls to have their dad again. I'm angry at God for allowing it to happen. My mom told me after a month, that I should be over it. Over it! I'll never be over it! We don't speak any more. My girls don't want anything to do with her either after that. I'm afraid to live on my own. I have an appointment to look at a house today and all I can do is cry thinking about it. This was not supposed to be my life or my girls' lives!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-30211979719824924902014-12-30T07:16:47.673-08:002014-12-30T07:16:47.673-08:00So very true, people have no idea.So very true, people have no idea.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-50498852982557968872014-08-24T08:47:15.467-07:002014-08-24T08:47:15.467-07:00I lost my husband to suicide 5yrs ago.
Every day b...I lost my husband to suicide 5yrs ago.<br />Every day becomes harder.<br />How do you cope w/ your loss?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-7969276950255609402014-07-13T05:37:24.275-07:002014-07-13T05:37:24.275-07:00My daughters husband commited suice on Feb 16 3014...My daughters husband commited suice on Feb 16 3014 using Helium tanks. It was a blizzard, at 10:30 pm she headed home from work never thinking her husband had been lying dead in their bed for the last few hours. When she got home she headed up the stairs to thie apartment above his parents garage, she opened the door to find their little dog and cat in the living room which was unusual if he was already in bed they would be with him. She walked the bedroom dorr to find a sign "don not try to get in, go get my parents they will know what to do to call the authorities. Love you always and forever." as you can imagine she started screaming his name and tried to get the bvedroom door open to no avail. She ran down the stairs across the driveway to his parents front door screaming their names. His mother opened the door and dropped to her knees as I said "I think Eric is dead" His father ran up to the apartment and found my husband, his son dead. He had connected himself to two helium tanks and he was dead, gone forever. The rest is a pure nightmare for her. 4 months later on on her secon counselor, she still cries a lot and has panic attacks if she sees anything that resembles a helium tank or even balloons. She knew he suffered from depression which she asked him several times to get some help for, counseling ,medications or something. to help him. He had tried once before when an old girlfriend broke up with him that time it was pills and it failed. This time did not. She wonders how she will ever stop missing him. She holds on to the good times and is suffering so bad.It kills me to see her pain. I disagree with the idea that it is not a selfish act. I think it is completely selfish. He has left her with all this pain, no note, nothing, They did have some problems that mostly surrounded around him. Suddenly 3 weeks after tbeir wedding he didn't know if he was "in love with her" yet he said he loved her. suddenly he didn't know if he wanted children. He kept postponing building a house. After his death she finds out they were flat broke $135 to their name and $10,000 in credit card debt . She knew nothing about the credit cards, as he manage the money. He wore the best clothes bought expensive TV's computers and all the bells and whistles that went with them. he was a spoiled child and continued living his life in the luxury he was used to. For fun they watched movies, went for occaisional rides. He Seldom came to family events, even when he did he would not socialize most of the time with anyone but the children. He was uncomfortable to be around he wouldn't let anyone in. My heart breaks for my daughter, she is in so much pain, she misses him and their very "simple unproductive life" but she says she was happy and she loved him. There is so much more but how in the world do I help help her, she lives with my huband and I again, she couldn't bear going back to the apartment. His family has spoken to her once on the phone since the funeral. Does anyone think that is strange since they claimed to love her so much and by the way they paid all of my daughter and her husbands bills!!!! He, Eric, had it made and seemed to take advantage of it. will she ever recover and be able to have a productive life?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-90719524377455267522014-07-02T12:35:58.723-07:002014-07-02T12:35:58.723-07:00Tears run down my face as I read these very emotio...Tears run down my face as I read these very emotional comments. No one should have to deal with the sudden and tragic suicide of a loved one. My husband died by a hanging 14 months ago. I was on a business trip one day over night. My step daughter and a friend came up for spring break to visit us. As I remember going to bed, all I heard was laughing and giggles. My hubby put on Katie's fake eyelashes she had on for a photo shoot. "What Dad does that"? she laughed. They played Scrabble and laughed and played all night. After I left, he made breakfast for the girls and had them upstairs in my art studio/office doing paintings. He sent me a text saying he just got hired for a new job. So happy! Then Katie called me and said Daddy was drunk. I said why "what happened"? She said they came downstairs from the office and Dad was passed out on the table. She was embarrassed because her friend was there and wanted to leave. I said "What happened? Did you have a fight"? NO is what she said but she had to leave. I said " do not leave him alone Katie, call your brother, if he is drunk and sad he should just go to bed". She did call her brother and Chris said for her and her friend to just leave he would be there in an hour. My husband woke up. Found a book we had on knot tying ( we have a boat). Went on the internet about nooses and sent me a text. " Have Lisa check Roxie (our puppy). Sorry luv bye". I was in a meeting with my manager 4 hours away. I called my neighbor to see what the heck was going on. She called me back about 20 mins. later. " Is Tim Okay"? Lisa was a mess. "No he's dead" What, What What??? She found him hanging in our garage. She got our next door neighbor who was a firefighter, like Tim was, to get him down. He was already cold and gone. WTF. Then I had to call my step son Chris and say "DO Not go up to see Dad"!. I was 4 hours away in a hotel room!!! I threw up twice and screamed like a manic! Those poor people in the rooms next to me, the entire floor. I had to call my parents who loved him so much. They called friends to have me picked up. My life was altered forever that day. Timmy was my best friend and the kindest most loving person. Firefighter for over 17 years. Did volunteer work at burn camps for kids. (He got burns after a big fire). Did every year "Fishing without Boundries". A week-end event that took disabled people out fishing. Who kills themselves? He never showed a sign. HE LOVED LIFE. I will never get it. He saw what suicide did to people and families, being a first responder. He was 53. So handsome and so in pain I never saw. Even the people at the funeral home said, " What a nice looking man he was"! I said, "you should have seen his beautiful Ice blue eyes". Over 800 people came to his funeral. I stood and greeted everyone. My shoes broke but I did not. I was in a bad dream. A horrible nightmare and I was going to wake out of it soon. So I felt ok. Even went back to work. Then the reality set in after 8 months and now I am a basket case. Panic attacks, medications, bad relations with my one step-child. I am worse now and I do not know why?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-5536708683122480302014-06-19T15:54:09.333-07:002014-06-19T15:54:09.333-07:00Prayers for you. I lost my boyfriend and love 2.5 ...Prayers for you. I lost my boyfriend and love 2.5 months ago and i feel as if I am the one who died . It has to get better. And I have a child to take care of as well. I'm praying for you tonight . Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-70287994863585433132014-06-07T19:19:17.766-07:002014-06-07T19:19:17.766-07:00I no the pain of this everyday I lost my husbands ...I no the pain of this everyday I lost my husbands 11 days ago I new he had some anger and underline issues but never to this extent I blame my self for not lookin and paying more attention to him to get the helped he needed. When he had his good days he was amazing and when the days he woke in bad mood for no reason and lasted for a few days I just wrote it off as that's how is but after being together for 7 year married five towards the end I finally sat him down and asked him to see a doctor he was getting the helped he need and we lost health care no meds it took a week for him to flip upside down and week later he killed himself I'm just in the beginng of this and my head spins a hundred diffrent direction a day of the why's and what ifs but we three beautiful children and getting better and stronger for them is the goal. I miss him so much it hurts I just wish what he was thinking to leave us behindAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-85624393056834404372014-01-06T20:18:05.474-08:002014-01-06T20:18:05.474-08:00Anonymous,
I am so sorry for your loss. The pain, ...Anonymous,<br />I am so sorry for your loss. The pain, loneliness and guilt slowly start to trickle away, but I am certain I will never "get over it" or have a day that I don't think of my husband.<br />I tried keeping busy. Anything to avoid grieving. I finally fell flat on my face in depression and faced my grief head on. I sat with it. I went to counseling. I tried, failed, and got back up again. The pain and loneliness still creep in, and I've found the best therapy is to just sit with it. To just be sad. To just be lonely. To cry or sleep or whatever my heart pushes me to do.<br />Take it one minute at a time. Don't "Should" yourself. Be whatever you need to be, and know you are not alone.<br />Love and Blessings,<br />MelindaAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16269344096349127885noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-53093713227105054522014-01-05T00:35:58.400-08:002014-01-05T00:35:58.400-08:00Hi I recently lost my husband to suicide too. I fe...Hi I recently lost my husband to suicide too. I feel exactly you do with the guilt n loneliness because I too gave him an ultimatum with his drinking. He was an alcoholic n I really thought I can help him. With me being a nurse I figured I can beat the disease for him. We fought n fought all the time over the drinking. Then one day we had another fight n when I gave him the ultimatum he said ok I'll never have to leave again n drink again went into the house n committed suicide. It's the hardest thing finding him trying CPR n not being able to help him. I think of hi, n that day everyday since it's happened n have a lot of guilt for it. I thought with time I would lose the guilt n just have the hurt loneliness but no I can't handle this it's just been so overwhelming for me. I don't know how else to handle it so I have decided to see my doctor for help I need. I've tried everything from being with family n friends to keeping busy but all that does not help at all. I just want to be able to feel better n learning how to handle it. I pray for everyone who has lost there spouse to suicide because this is the most hurtful lonely sad depressing feelings to have. God Bless Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com