tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post6327498438461154970..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : Waiting for the CrashMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-61278218391602132062014-09-21T17:50:31.789-07:002014-09-21T17:50:31.789-07:00I was on a non widow blog the other day and suicid...I was on a non widow blog the other day and suicide was discussed. After reading your posts and Melinda's I feel I have a better understanding of the subject and when I read what they said I had to comment because I felt their opinions were lacking. It must be so hard to live with something so misunderstood. It's bad enough how being widowed is misunderstood but you have the addition of the pain of how it happened. You look beautiful in your photo above and you both look so happy. Writing your story while your grief is so fresh helps people and I hope you are proud of what you are doing because you should be. I wish you peace and happiness, though I know all to well that takes time(I am still looking for it...)Jill P. (JSP)https://www.blogger.com/profile/06747289586246112711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-86789955630082360452014-09-21T04:38:41.272-07:002014-09-21T04:38:41.272-07:00I am so sorry for your loss Rebecca and I wish you...I am so sorry for your loss Rebecca and I wish you peace for each day and hope for tomorrow. You have described the grief crash so well and I can relate to your sentiments. Though our circumstances of loss differ, we are both missing the love of our life. I keep waiting for the feeling of being punched in the gut to go away but it never really does, always lurking in the background of my days and nights. We cannot change our circumstances no matter how we would wish it so, but may we be able to face each day with courage and the belief that our existence can be meaningful and full of hope and love to share with those we encounter every day.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16623789180932304120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-4848352091082979142014-09-20T23:21:24.661-07:002014-09-20T23:21:24.661-07:00Angelique, I'm so sorry to hear about your hus...Angelique, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, six weeks - wow, I was still in a total daze at that stage. I returned to work at week four and was lucky to have a very patient, understanding employer. At that early stage everything was so scary and foreign and I had to take it hour-by-hour, as thinking past a full day seemed overwhelming. There is a good chance that you might still in shock, and those moments of feeling 'normal' are your brains way of letting you rest between bouts of disbelief and intense pain. It can also be a way of your body letting you cope and get things done, like caring for your children. Grief is definitely weird and complicated and confusing. I'm glad you found this blog and Soaring Spirits. Be gentle with yourself and rest as much as you can. It is a real roller coaster and a very long road to walk, but you're not alone. Thank you for commenting and reaching out xoRebecca Collinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11421193473127149748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-25193462173057962014-09-20T17:08:59.074-07:002014-09-20T17:08:59.074-07:00Hello Rebecca. I was so happy to read your post, a...Hello Rebecca. I was so happy to read your post, although wow - I am sooooooo sorry for your loss. I truly do not mean that I am happy to read it, just so glad I am not alone in my feelings. My husband took his own life 6 weeks ago. I've had moments where I am doing so okay, I wonder what the heck is wrong with me. Of course, sometimes things happen that remind me that I am still heavily grieving. For example, this past week was my first week back at work. I was feeling really good, almost normal. I even wondered how can I be feeling this good? By the end of the week, my fatigue took over. The thought of throwing my husband's took brush away made me a basket case once again. But 5 minutes later, I was fine. Grief is weird and definitely like swimming in an ocean. <br /><br />I think we widows need to be nice to ourselves. Sometimes, I think we feel guilty for feeling good because we are often told that is not how it is supposed to be. We compare our grief to others and think we are somehow not fully functioning properly if we are not crying all the time. Well, that is silly. Who wants to feel bad ALL THE TIME? Sometimes, I need a break from it, and especially for my children. I also know that I loved my husband dearly and his loss is always felt. I often wonder what this will be like for me in year, two years, five years?<br /><br />Hugs to you.Angeliquehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07882034662893580306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-29737729635868072342014-09-20T14:38:08.990-07:002014-09-20T14:38:08.990-07:00I'm sorry for your loss of your son, you'r...I'm sorry for your loss of your son, you're right - we need to take it as it comes. Rebecca Collinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11421193473127149748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-64959781961725140302014-09-20T14:37:30.238-07:002014-09-20T14:37:30.238-07:00Thank you, I love this picture too. Whenever I ge...Thank you, I love this picture too. Whenever I get the urge to hug him I look at this and feel comforted that he knew he was adored. I know that feeling of 'this is long enough, you can come back now thanks!'. Sometimes when I'm having a big cry and letting it all out I hear myself begging him to come home, even though i know it's impossible. I was scared to reach the one-year mark because then it would have been a whole year since I'd seen him and I couldn't bear that thought, but time is a strange thing... it's sad that it's been so long, but it's also slowly getting easier too, which is a relief.Rebecca Collinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11421193473127149748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-58932194624058722352014-09-20T14:34:53.087-07:002014-09-20T14:34:53.087-07:00Amaryllis, thank you for your comment. I'm so...Amaryllis, thank you for your comment. I'm sorry for your loss, however it's comforting to know that you've also experienced this strange guilt and that it's eased for you. I'm so glad to hear that you're in a good place. take care.Rebecca Collinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11421193473127149748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-72251189847076725742014-09-20T12:53:54.748-07:002014-09-20T12:53:54.748-07:00My oldest son was killed 4 years ago. I've le...My oldest son was killed 4 years ago. I've learned to take those good days as a gift, and just roll with the bad days. No guilt needed either way. The Clutter Cutterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04404229911345794762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-51025095241325719912014-09-20T08:53:31.898-07:002014-09-20T08:53:31.898-07:00I am so sorry for your loss. Dan looks like a swee...I am so sorry for your loss. Dan looks like a sweet man and I love this picture. It's been 10 months since my husband died and I just keep feeling "ok, that's long enough to not have seen you, times up, come home NOW". Knowing it will only get longer and longer and this missing him part is not going away.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-12546027187263601912014-09-20T06:26:59.975-07:002014-09-20T06:26:59.975-07:00Hi Rebecca... you and your feelings are not alone....Hi Rebecca... you and your feelings are not alone. I lost my husband to suicide in May of 2011. I too remember going through periods of feeling good, even happy in my new life. I feelings of guilt would come just as you described. As time passed, I realized that those strong emotions/breakdowns would come and weirdly enough, they helped me to feel less guilty each time I was back in that happy state. It's been 40 months now and I don't go through that process anymore. With time, for me, came a truer sense of acceptance and forgiveness (for him and myself) and now I no longer feel guilty about my happiness. I miss him and will always love him, and I see things differently now because of what I've been through. I can't help now but to appreciate and love life... Guilt free. I hope you find that one day very soon too! Amaryllishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12736133753702255206noreply@blogger.com