tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post6397019779785694157..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : Rent-A-Human Michele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-64380803651815046982013-08-21T17:30:13.278-07:002013-08-21T17:30:13.278-07:00My wife had uterine cancer. She is in remission no...My wife had uterine cancer. She is in remission now for three years, but the radiation did such damage to her that intercourse is impossible, she has no vagina to speak of and now has urine incontinance through a hole from her bladder to what is left of her vagina. She is almost always in pain.<br /><br />I hate to complain...she IS alive and I'm thankful for that, but my skin aches for the intimacy we can no longer have, complications of another medical problem cause her joint pain, oral ulcers. Its like my wife is gone and now I have a roomate that looks like an echo of the girl I love that keeps reminding me of what we used to have.<br /><br />I know most of you would give anything to have your husband or wife back even if you has not made love in years and maybe never could be able to again, I don't compare my loss to yours. <br /><br />I mourn what feels like the death of my lover, but at least I still get to comfort and cuddle whats left at night.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-43386570136024584792013-08-19T19:44:38.714-07:002013-08-19T19:44:38.714-07:00I don't think it sounds awful. It is honest an...I don't think it sounds awful. It is honest and I would give anything to have what Kelley describes and/ or what you describe...instead, I had an online affair with an old boyfriend who is married because my husband's best friend told me my desire to lay beside him was inappropriate and he didn't want anything to do with me ever again. I am only three months out. But my sweetheart had cancer for three years and contact was nearly impossible for the last 5 months...thank you for sharing. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-45638062296754628622013-08-15T16:02:54.839-07:002013-08-15T16:02:54.839-07:00Amen, amen! My husband was sick so the sexual cont...Amen, amen! My husband was sick so the sexual contact diminished but the hugs, kisses and quiet cuddle time were enough to sustain me. I don't see myself having (nor do I have any desire for) sexual contact any time soon but I do miss having a companion to share my day and cuddle with. I tell everyone that I'm a "none" now as in "When it comes to sex, I want 'none' of it"<br /><br />I, too, know that there's a widower out there who wants the same thing I do - companionship without a sexual relationship. Maybe my beloved deceased husband will guide me to the right person.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-11971167944345553222013-08-15T11:04:20.900-07:002013-08-15T11:04:20.900-07:00Amen lady, you hit it on the head-it's been ju...Amen lady, you hit it on the head-it's been just over 2 years for me too-and you do miss the male contact, and not in a sexual way!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-61764986059363399452013-08-13T10:53:14.895-07:002013-08-13T10:53:14.895-07:00I read all the above comments and I too share the ...I read all the above comments and I too share the desire for human contact. Only not just a rent a human! I have been on a few dates in the past year, my husband passed two and a half yrs ago. We were very much in love.Love making waned due to his health, however we still had contact in hugs and kisses. They were wonderful! Have not had any quite the same. His hugs made me feel so protected. Life will not be spent alone,there is a man out there who will provide a similar not the same.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-14250903452243953792013-08-13T08:29:11.311-07:002013-08-13T08:29:11.311-07:00I wrote this almost same thing in my journal just ...I wrote this almost same thing in my journal just a while back. I never think I want what my husband and I shared, but I am so darn lonely and feel I will go crazy if I don't get some human contact. God said "it is not good for man (or woman) to be alone". It isn't. The thought that I have to spend the rest of my life with no hugs, and touches, or just companionship from a male is hard to sink my thoughts around. I get plenty of hugs from family and friends, but it is not the same. Dee Frodshamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08500277661962599065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-40286306468950657592013-08-13T07:51:02.157-07:002013-08-13T07:51:02.157-07:00I am right there with you! What do I miss most - ...I am right there with you! What do I miss most - besides everything about my Don? - Being held. Just being held. And yes, I miss sex - but sex with Don. I can't even imagine being with anyone else. And those little "private jokes" that only he and I got. <br /><br />My answer to physical touch? Getting a massage. It is completely professional; there is no hint of sexual intimacy, but the human touch, the relief of stress and the aid to my tired and sore body helps. I always think "oh, she's going to hit a trigger point (an emotional one) and I'm going to lose it right there on the table...) but it hasn't happened yet. <br /><br />I have been having a friendly on-line "friendship" with a man from a FB group I belong to. Just having the conversations, even tho they're on-line, and we've made them private by messaging, has given me some kind of "intimacy." I have no desire to enter into a relationship that is more than friendship, but it is nice to have that male energy. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-42856600649721905512013-08-13T05:01:44.918-07:002013-08-13T05:01:44.918-07:00I am at 16 months without my soul mate. I miss his...I am at 16 months without my soul mate. I miss his kind words and gentle touch. I cannot even think of being with someone else. I have been asked out a couple of times, but declined because I know its not time. I think about how my relationship with my deceased evolved and it was over a year that we were friends before we decided to take the next step to couple. If Imeet someone and a romantic relationship develops fine, if not that is fine too. I realize even if I meet someone they will have to accept I will always love Doug, and them too. Just because death separates us we don't stop loving them. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-52488997603218317032013-08-08T13:23:18.434-07:002013-08-08T13:23:18.434-07:00you touched on a topic that makes people uncomfort...you touched on a topic that makes people uncomfortable who have not experienced this type of loss.<br />I am glad I have finally found a place that speaks to the loss of the intimacy and whatever that means to you.<br />For me it just doesn't include the touch, it also includes wanting to make that special dinner, put on a little extra make-up, "crack" that special smile while he glances over my way.<br /><br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-57892802546804772832013-08-07T11:38:15.624-07:002013-08-07T11:38:15.624-07:00Wow, love hearing others had a dream in which the ...Wow, love hearing others had a dream in which the spouse came back one last time. When my husband passed 2 1/2 years ago I was so upset because I did not kiss him goodbye that day we did that morning but not when I ran to get my granddaughter's easter dress. I remember telling him I would be right back & will see him soon unfortunately he passed away from a major heart attack and I was sick to think I did not give him one last kiss. A week later he was in my dream I was crying in the dream and he held my face and kissed my lips for the last time and he said he could not stay & that he had to go. I will never forget our last kiss because he was able for a moment to reach me and say goodbye. Death is horrible for the loved ones left behind. I will love him forever! Jewelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-76814985421181223492013-08-05T15:43:23.703-07:002013-08-05T15:43:23.703-07:00@Yvette
@Kelley
Thanks for replying.
I've sat...@Yvette<br />@Kelley<br /><br />Thanks for replying.<br />I've sat here for a few minutes trying to think of how to respond. I'm just glad we can share some of this stuff. It's clear that we all miss physically giving and receiving in our own unique and special ways.<br /><br />@Kelley - Sounds OK to me! :)<br />You'll probably think I'm really crazy now, but sometimes I used to pretend that my fingers were like little people that would pretend to talk to, and kiss, my late wife's fingers! They were also good at bringing up difficult subjects lol!<br /><br />I suppose what I'm really saying is that I miss being able to show my silly and childish side without ever worrying what she'd think of me. That side of me has got to hide again.<br /><br />~Ed<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-29293323974279617612013-08-05T10:52:45.926-07:002013-08-05T10:52:45.926-07:00Ed, my husband used to do something similar. Whene...Ed, my husband used to do something similar. Whenever we were lying in bed, he would run his fingers up and down my arm, 2 fingers, like it was a person "running" down my arm. He found that funny for some reason, and I used to look at him weird for thinking that was funny. But I miss it so much. He was also very into music and played guitar for fun, and he was always using my legs and knees as his imaginary guitar or drumset when listening to music lol. Kelley Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17289972201201027609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-54252845616791726092013-08-05T10:49:28.657-07:002013-08-05T10:49:28.657-07:00Do you happen to live in the NY area? Maybe if som...Do you happen to live in the NY area? Maybe if some of us widows/widowers live in the same area, we could hang out now and then with people who understand this need , without it being weird or creepy lol. Its actually comforting to know that the men feel the same way and that you miss it too.Kelley Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17289972201201027609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-4623062496465939902013-08-04T12:02:00.260-07:002013-08-04T12:02:00.260-07:00My husband used to stroke my hair and back...I mis...My husband used to stroke my hair and back...I miss him every night and every day.Yvettenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-18166303856443626212013-08-04T00:42:31.441-07:002013-08-04T00:42:31.441-07:00I'm in good company here. It's so good to ...I'm in good company here. It's so good to be where everyone understands.<br /><br />The more I think about it, the worse it gets.<br />Sometimes it's the smaller things.<br />Holding hands. A cuddle on the sofa.<br />Giving & receiving head / shoulder massages.<br />And at the risk of sounding a bit weird, my late wife used to stroke my arms while we were talking in bed.<br /><br />Now my body aches for those things and more.<br /><br />~Ed<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-30500622932242539912013-08-03T22:15:06.120-07:002013-08-03T22:15:06.120-07:00whenever I have "contact" (touch) with s...whenever I have "contact" (touch) with someone, it stops me in my tracks. I guess I miss it sooo much that that is my response...just stops me and makes me focus on all that I am missing. not sure how long one can go w/o touch, just missing it so much these days. "skin hunger" describes it aptly. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-46813183598292137462013-08-03T22:10:08.939-07:002013-08-03T22:10:08.939-07:00This was me and my John exactly!! How I miss EVERY...This was me and my John exactly!! How I miss EVERYTHING!! Almost 15 months out...<br />I love this rent a human idea.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-91664733413852819512013-08-03T19:54:19.072-07:002013-08-03T19:54:19.072-07:00I'd like to say that as a widower I feel much ...I'd like to say that as a widower I feel much the same way; I've gone 4 and a half years having been hugged only once by a woman who was not family. I miss it very much and would be happy just to have female friends to talk to. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-61611350532951315312013-08-03T17:35:11.247-07:002013-08-03T17:35:11.247-07:00Thank you so much for writing this post. This was...Thank you so much for writing this post. This was exactly what I was thinking about this week. At least I know I'm not the only one with these feelings!BThomasnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-86845808823362882302013-08-03T15:52:15.167-07:002013-08-03T15:52:15.167-07:00I'm a widower and I feel the same way.
I'm...I'm a widower and I feel the same way.<br />I'm not ready for sex or a relationship.<br />But I do miss - and long for - human contact.<br /><br />Going off-topic, I would also love to have some female friends to just go out for coffee!<br /><br />~Ed<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-39587506088741990022013-08-03T13:41:46.372-07:002013-08-03T13:41:46.372-07:00Kelly Lynn you really did hit the nail on the head...Kelly Lynn you really did hit the nail on the head with this one. Thank you because this is something I really needed to read today. I love the idea and think it is awesome. <br /><br />Yes, we all need that human contact and the intimacy and not the sexual kind either. You have really helped me to understand what I am feeling right now and missing in my life. I just could not put a finger on it or put it into words.Morgana (aka Janet)http://widowedvilliage.orgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-80958021458788329572013-08-03T11:38:10.869-07:002013-08-03T11:38:10.869-07:00I worked in the 'touch' industry for awhil...I worked in the 'touch' industry for awhile as a reflexologist and healing arts practitioner, before I became a widow. It was very apparent to me which clients of mine, usually single or widowed, would come to me for safe touch. They soaked it up. I nurtured them with everything I had understanding this unspoken request. It is a beautiful thing to give someone. Our elderly deal with this same thing every day. People who've never had children, etc. Some seek it out in safe ways, some seek it out in unsafe ones, some live without it. God Bless us all and the journeys we are on. What we've come to appreciate in such profound ways. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-36342461453437280802013-08-03T06:07:42.688-07:002013-08-03T06:07:42.688-07:00I have read this post so many times already (laugh...I have read this post so many times already (laughed and shed tears)....you really hit all the right spots with this one and articulated what so many of us feel! Thank YOU! I have also shared it with others. Your post will make a difference to many...letting us know we are not alone in our thoughts/need for the human touch...someone to just 'be' with and without any added pressure. I fear I hug some people a little too long these days! ;) Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-28684103144154227142013-08-02T21:48:13.568-07:002013-08-02T21:48:13.568-07:00I also had the hug dream, where hubby came back fr...I also had the hug dream, where hubby came back from the dead just to hug me again. I had it early on, about 3 months after he died, and it was real. I FELT him there, and I felt his hug. I never had the hug dream again after that one time. WHat I wouldnt give to have it right now. Thank you, everyone, for all your wonderful comments. Glad to know Im not the only one struggling through these complicated and sucky feelings.Kelley Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17289972201201027609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-81405432492993009622013-08-02T20:53:39.575-07:002013-08-02T20:53:39.575-07:00My husband died 368 days ago. So so hard, I was h...My husband died 368 days ago. So so hard, I was hoping it would be automatically easier at 365 days. ha! I miss the hugs. he was a great huger. I had a dream on February 5th and I know he came to me in this dream and hugged me. I actually felt it. Needed it so much. would love him to come back even in my dream for another hug, but I think that may have been the last time. The dream was so real. Out of everything I miss about him, it's the hug that I miss most. Thanks for the great post. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com