tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post6703816115775237897..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : they are okayMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-55249391477286250792011-02-11T17:07:34.956-08:002011-02-11T17:07:34.956-08:00This is a big topic. As an adult who lost my fath...This is a big topic. As an adult who lost my father from cancer when I was 10, I will offer a few personal observations. Let them talk about it at their own pace and in their own time, don't try to force it. When they are ready, they will express their feelings. One of the biggest fears for kids who have lost a parent becomes safety, so one of the tasks of a surviving parent is to consistently let them know you are not going away. Even as a teen I would get panicky if my mother was gone too long. So call if you are going to be late, this will keep their brain from going to dark places. If you date, be very discerning and don't force them to meet your dates or come along if they are not ready. As they get older they may benefit from grief therapy, but only if they want it. We are all different, and in my family, we had six kids, and some did better than others. I had a hard time, but eventually grew up, graduated college, married physician, and became a counselor, and am considered pretty stable. My brothers did not do so well as adults. Keep open to their needs and treat them as individuals, and give them opportunities through sports or lessons or whatever they are interested in to build their self esteem in their own right. One thing I always struggled with was feeling "different" because of what happened, when my peers always had two parents. And if you can find a strong male role model for your son (uncle, big brother, pastor etc.) all the better. I know this is long but I hope sharing my experience is helpful in some way. God Bless!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-81038905515402922742011-02-11T13:27:33.935-08:002011-02-11T13:27:33.935-08:00so beautiful. I often wonder how my kids will be w...so beautiful. I often wonder how my kids will be when they've grown without their dad. my greatest hope is they will love more deeply and continue to risk their hearts even tho' they know great heartache.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-45677365815222799412011-02-11T10:01:10.990-08:002011-02-11T10:01:10.990-08:00Yes, you have beautiful children.
I am not worried...Yes, you have beautiful children.<br />I am not worried about my oldest (18)...who seems to be thriving at college. My 14 year old is another matter altogether.<br />Both my sons watched their father die of cancer three years ago. :-(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-22186687064095574012011-02-11T08:54:32.021-08:002011-02-11T08:54:32.021-08:00Beautiful :-)Beautiful :-)Samihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14595135534176791064noreply@blogger.com