tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post8384451101184079272..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : Wandering Wonders~Michele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-63773999606524688542015-03-23T19:19:07.679-07:002015-03-23T19:19:07.679-07:00I do not want to tell you your life will never get...I do not want to tell you your life will never get better. But I, and a few others, feel exactly as you have stated. So take the following as my opinion: You don't. You just keep "painting-by-numbers", connecting the dots, saying the appropriate things to the appropriate people. I exist, waiting to die, and I do things so that I will stay warm, safe, indoors-with-plumbing. But just the basics. I am on a prolonged dry spell as far as making friends. And those I made recently have hurt me. Enjoy miniscule things like the sun on your face. It may be all you can enjoy.Snowygirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16563712536807436698noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-90251357484862510142015-03-20T10:03:16.254-07:002015-03-20T10:03:16.254-07:00It is a long and bumpy road, just when you settle ...It is a long and bumpy road, just when you settle into the journey again, be prepared for more potholes. Just returning from a trip with my kids, bro in law and his friends, where one of the friends died while we were sailing. I'm back in the grief pit again, just as I had almost clawed my way out. everything in the past 5 years since my husband died has come back to the surface. I wish it were me in the water instead of my friend, what a lovely way to move on, for him. What hell it was for us to deal with it all. So sorry we are all still struggling with our own journey. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-37719959408252717082015-03-14T20:50:44.047-07:002015-03-14T20:50:44.047-07:00Deb,
For me, knowing that there are others on this...Deb,<br />For me, knowing that there are others on this road with me, while not diminishing my grief, helps me keep going, knowing that I have company. And that makes it bearable for me too~<br /><br />Thanks for checking in~<br />alisonAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-76548369549160697342015-03-13T07:16:40.777-07:002015-03-13T07:16:40.777-07:00This morning I was wondering the hows and the whys...This morning I was wondering the hows and the whys and I read your post. While I still don't know how I will get through this " without" him, it does bring me some comfort to know I'm not alone in this journey. Thank you for your writing.<br />DebAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-6426370306536126392015-03-12T22:04:16.151-07:002015-03-12T22:04:16.151-07:00From day one I asked anyone who would listen, coun...From day one I asked anyone who would listen, counselors, nurses, family, friends, give me a good reason to continue. Whether I do things to learn more or contribute to the good or “give it time” I am finding more and more that without him to share my life with I am not able to crawl out of the hole. <br /><br />How do you enjoy doing things when you do them and then have no one to laugh or cry with or discuss the results of in any of the ways that my husband and I would to share life? <br /><br />Before he died I gave of my time for causes I thought were responsible: homelessness, governance or just helping a friend move. Doing any of those now is just an empty attempt to fill time. Nothing gives me any meaning. Without his input I am just filling in the dots. Do I garden? Yes. Do I cook now? Yes. Do I go out to some events I can handle now? Yes. But it is all hollow. No enjoyment. <br /><br />Why? Because I don’t want to enjoy anything without having him wrap his arms around me and tell me I did good. Or he thought that was beautiful. Or he disagreed and we would talk out a resolution. Or, or, or……..tell me please, tell me how I can accept that he is gone and I have to do this on my own without his love because I am losing the battle in my own mind. I’m doing everything I should be doing to help myself yet I deep down inside I cannot bring myself to want to live and the conflict is intense. There is no one that can be there for me on the 24/7 basis that he was and I cannot seem to get past needing that so deperately. I wasn’t ready to give him up and I’m still not 2 years 2 months later. What do I do with this constant pain of loss when everything makes no difference. How do you find joy in things? Doing things without the love of your best friend? Someone please explain it to me. <br />MrsCnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-18942509576043257212015-03-12T20:33:23.429-07:002015-03-12T20:33:23.429-07:00Tina...the funny thing is...I was not looking for ...Tina...the funny thing is...I was not looking for love ...in my process of learning to live life with enthusiasm another love came around the corner. <br />I do not know where that love will end up...all I know is that I found my enthusiasm BEFORE the new relationship. .and I will have it with or without another relationship. <br />Prior to this new relationship I was very content being alone and being ok in being alone for the rest of my life....because my focus is contentment. ..with or without another man in my life. ...Whew...what a ride this grief is.!!!!!.and I will be on it for the rest of my living. ..Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15598248756083194815noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-19587523214022156272015-03-12T20:12:53.762-07:002015-03-12T20:12:53.762-07:00The how is hard, Alison. ...it is different for e...The how is hard, Alison. ...it is different for everyone. ..just the image of John struggling with the fact that living life for him was OVER...makes me to allow myself to feel all the great things about living....even without John. ..first, I had to realize I was not the John Linda anymore...and as written in comments below...I had to lean into my grief and accept the fact that I will always have my grief with me...however it was not going to take over my life...because that is not living. ...if I allow to have my grief take over then I might as well be dead....which would dishonor my husband's fight of living...He was not fighting to live only the good things in life. ..he wanted to keep ALL of life.<br />Also....I am now 60...and I work professionally in hospice...I have learned how precious every breathe is....and if there is any opportunity to enjoy all the greatness of life , take it.<br />It will take all that greatness to get through those valleys. <br />I know my grief will Always be a part of my life...And if my new relationship proceeds he understands this. ..and he gets it...as he is a widower....and his grief will always be part of him....Yet we both agree that the best way to carry our grief and to honor our late spouses is to live life. .good..bad and ugly.<br /><br />Regarding the fuck word...I agree. .sometimes it is the only word strong enough....if it best expresses what you are sharing with us..then so be it....<br />We are all voluntary participants on thi site...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15598248756083194815noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-40060122445297564352015-03-12T19:19:17.367-07:002015-03-12T19:19:17.367-07:00Alison, my husband attended pilot training at Will...Alison, my husband attended pilot training at Williams AFB in Phoenix. Rich was a fighter pilot in Vietnam and retired with 20 years of service. He was fearless and my hero. Rich died unexpectedly in the middle of the night of a heart attack in 2011. I feel as though half of me died with him. There is no end to this grief. Thank you for expressing all that I feel. KarenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-5839959980596184622015-03-12T19:12:42.592-07:002015-03-12T19:12:42.592-07:00Alison, I totally agree with you. The word FUCK i...Alison, I totally agree with you. The word FUCK is the ONLY word that fits this hellish journey. I use it often. If someone doesn't like it, too bad.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-75679997946168829502015-03-12T16:51:46.165-07:002015-03-12T16:51:46.165-07:00Sometimes I want to just get in my car and drive i...Sometimes I want to just get in my car and drive it into the desert and scream and scream my rage and pain at the skies~Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-54931176546727730702015-03-12T16:50:46.707-07:002015-03-12T16:50:46.707-07:00Seriously, Tina. The word just gets typed when I ...Seriously, Tina. The word just gets typed when I write because it so often is the exact right word; raw and ugly and descriptive. But, as you say, not descriptive enough at times~Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-28175698452472529582015-03-12T16:49:39.216-07:002015-03-12T16:49:39.216-07:00Kimberly,
My heart goes out to you. There is so m...Kimberly,<br />My heart goes out to you. There is so much grief in this world, and there are so many ways to go through it, and so many reaching out to those who are walking with them.<br /><br />I'm glad you're walking here with me~<br />alisonAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-42825998867175135942015-03-12T16:48:35.741-07:002015-03-12T16:48:35.741-07:00Jane,
How unreal it is that life goes on...
We&#...Jane, <br />How unreal it is that life goes on...<br /><br />We'll bring each other through this somehow. Thank you for taking the time to read my writings.<br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-79600922658540311702015-03-12T16:47:35.917-07:002015-03-12T16:47:35.917-07:00xx back at you, Katherine~xx back at you, Katherine~Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-21666097342172464912015-03-12T16:47:18.785-07:002015-03-12T16:47:18.785-07:00I've used homeopathic and Bach Flower Remedies...I've used homeopathic and Bach Flower Remedies to get me through the worst of this grief and they've made a difference, thank goodness. And last week I joined the Warrior Training program over at Luke AFB here in Phoenix. Not to get in shape or lose weight but to sweat the grief, batter it through my system and hopefully, get to a different point in it. Though I don't have a clue what that might look like.<br /><br />I'm glad you're finding your way, whether slowly and with medical support or any other way. This is all so individual, isn't it? And we each have to find our way~<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-72601700902250146072015-03-12T16:44:05.966-07:002015-03-12T16:44:05.966-07:00Don't you just love that when people say it &q...Don't you just love that when people say it "Just go have some fun!" Okayyyy....<br /><br />Someone the other day said "hey, the sun is shining so you can appreciate that" and I thought...well, okay, I do appreciate that but it has nothing to do with the fact that Chuck is dead and has no impact on my reality. <br /><br />I've heard grief described as a familiar companion; one who is recognized and travels with you, inside of you. That's the closest I come to how this might eventually be.<br /><br />Thanks for your words, Mike~Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-32380393604985483452015-03-12T16:40:54.335-07:002015-03-12T16:40:54.335-07:00I've said that out loud to people "I'...I've said that out loud to people "I'm in love with a dead man". It tends to make them uncomfortable but it's the truth, isn't it? I wonder at the ratio of men to women at my age-Chuck and I were aging together and he was a young looking 60 when he died. I'm nowhere near ready (if the word even applies) to have another man in my life and, even if that does happen at some point, I'll always be in love with him. So, yes....now what?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-43758274045609397202015-03-12T16:38:19.788-07:002015-03-12T16:38:19.788-07:00I'm so glad that I was introduced to the whole...I'm so glad that I was introduced to the whole "leaning in" thing even before Chuck died and my daughter reminded me of that early on. Because you're right-I think that's the only way to go through this~<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-43629929068706689122015-03-12T16:37:23.751-07:002015-03-12T16:37:23.751-07:00I guess that's why it' so vital to stay in...I guess that's why it' so vital to stay in the here and now-anything else is too overwhelming, isn't it? <br /><br />My heart goes out to you~<br />alisonAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-19609688174678459062015-03-12T16:36:32.708-07:002015-03-12T16:36:32.708-07:00Actually, while I know that it can be offensive to...Actually, while I know that it can be offensive to some, the word fuck is the ONLY one that is hard and harsh enough to express what this is like for me~Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-25830108646223557322015-03-12T16:35:39.999-07:002015-03-12T16:35:39.999-07:00Linda,
To have been given the gift of having two m...Linda,<br />To have been given the gift of having two men in your lifetime to love you-what a wonderful thing that is. I know, too, that Chuck very much wanted to live, and I'm doing all that I can to honor the life he had and the love he left behind for me. The missing piece is HOW do I get enthusiasm back? I'm doing so much to put myself into those situations...maybe it's just too early yet.<br /><br />Thank you for your words, for the hope you send out~<br />alisonAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00031874239296682781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-50942371439917910162015-03-12T10:43:15.180-07:002015-03-12T10:43:15.180-07:00Beautiful...GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS...GRACEBeautiful...GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS...GRACEgrace aprea johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08637437520360172581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-63835154380873540072015-03-12T09:42:06.058-07:002015-03-12T09:42:06.058-07:00Your words "I wonder if it will ever be real ...Your words "I wonder if it will ever be real to me that Chuck is dead and gone and no longer in my life" describe exactly I feel so much of the time. My husband Gary died almost 7 months ago and when the reality of the magnitude of his death hits, that I know he is gone forever, I will never see him again, never get to hug him again, never kiss him goodnight again, it almost brings me to my knees and it's like I'm back at day one again. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-19806622526275644332015-03-12T09:37:16.804-07:002015-03-12T09:37:16.804-07:00Sometimes it's the only word that does the job...Sometimes it's the only word that does the job. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-21443713507780291622015-03-12T02:04:02.375-07:002015-03-12T02:04:02.375-07:00Exce[t for the looking for new love thing it's...Exce[t for the looking for new love thing it's exactly how I feel. I have running conversations with my Doug going in my head all the time. Or thinking about him when the convos aren't running. And sometimes the only word strong enough to convey what I'm feeling is FUCK. And even that doesn't seem strong enough some days. <br />Tinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10071362696879874279noreply@blogger.com