tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post8415177893261752721..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : Memories of Pulling WeedsMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-85077498221194860762013-04-02T23:25:07.726-07:002013-04-02T23:25:07.726-07:00On Jan 4 2011 I was in an instant uprooted and mov...On Jan 4 2011 I was in an instant uprooted and moved to Widowland and no one even asked me if I wanted to go. Bill,My Oaktree, had never caused me a moments sadness till that day and for 33 wonderful years our life was blessed just being together. No matter what we had or what we did as long as we were together it was wonderful. We knew from the beginning God had given us something very special, and I'm thankful that neither of us ever took it for granted. I have found comfort in writing ,something very new for me and may even one day publish a book "The Adventures in Widowland" learning to laugh again... I slowly removed things of his that I knew were too nice to just sit in the closet when others could use them. The funny thing is the old work shirts or house slippers which still sit on the floor on his side of the bed is what I chose to keep. In our bathroom his sink still has his Brut and Old Spice etc...Is it right to keep those things? well I don't know but for me it is, and whatever brings me comfort I choose to do. I have found widows/ers should do what ever seems right for them and for each of us that will be something very different. I seldom ever talk to my beloved as I find,for me, that because the Lord is my constant companion I can talk to Him. Bill loved the Lord with all his heart and soul and lived his faith out as an example before me and I know where he is today. I miss his loving ways and tender moments, the kiss on the back of the neck while I'm doing dishes, the hug from my gentle giant before he would leave for work; his being 6'4" and me 4'11" made me feel very protected. I guess since I have never been on this site before I am rambling on too much. But I just want to say to the really new folks living in Widowland try not to make any major decisions for at least a year and if possible wait two years, because the first year or two is like being ,emotionally, on a wild roller-coaster and what feels right one day (wait 24 hours) cause it will feel wrong the next day. The other thing is DON'T beat your self up because you aren't acting like so & so etc...Feel YOUR feelings and don't feel guilty about it. And if you are a believer ask the Lord to show you the humor and things left to smile about in Widowland, they are there you just have to really look for them. Like the day I saw a chin whisker I had grown overnight. I'd probably had it a couple of days so others must have seen it...That's when I decided that Widowland needs a CHIN and NOSE Hair Inspector to check out all widows as they leave for shopping or work etc. See when we have a spouse they check these things out but now that we don't I think we need an onsight Inspector.Pretty soon I was laughing out loud at the mere thought of interviewing someone for the job. I know to some this might not be funny but believe me you will laugh again. Do I still have TSUNAMIS? YES absolutely! That's what I call it when I just start to cry for no reason and can’t stop almost as if Bill just died. I miss him more everyday but I tolerate it better. I trust the Lord but I have told Him many times I really don't like this plan at all. I know His ways are higher and wiser than mine will ever be, so I leave it at that. Just remember on a bad day WAIT 24 hours and I guarantee you life will get sunny again for you. Thanks for being here for me tonight and I hope what I have had to say helped someone else. May God Bless the inhabitants of Widowland,<br />by Dottie, The Whimsical WidowAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-44401012849713493072013-03-23T09:25:43.938-07:002013-03-23T09:25:43.938-07:00It will be 4 years in May for me. I dealt with my ...It will be 4 years in May for me. I dealt with my husband's bathroom and toiletries very early on, because I was getting our house ready to sell quickly. I couldn't stay in Utah for the coming winter by myself. I was angry, hysterical and throwing things. I remember the feeling very clearly. I have not been able to fill the holes that are left in my life. I am finally close to selling my Harley. There is no joy in riding anymore without him. (I guess I could never be an effective blogger - I can share the feelings, but not the hope... You guys are always able to end your posts with some hope.) I appreciate your writings, Chris...Dianenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-3782552554612742322013-03-22T16:35:56.888-07:002013-03-22T16:35:56.888-07:00Death sounds easy, but the hard part is the stuff ...Death sounds easy, but the hard part is the stuff attached. Sorting things out is hard, like removing her from my life. I try not to leave holes, leave a few items and especially some I can identify with. She pretty much took care of the inside of our house and I the outside. Now I have both. Trying to match the job she did haunts me somewhat to match the same. More flowers this year and less garden. Maybe she will come down with the rain and have a lot of flowers.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-6808388829548586502013-03-22T08:33:53.002-07:002013-03-22T08:33:53.002-07:00Funny how those personal toiletries are so hard to...Funny how those personal toiletries are so hard to sort through. Like you, I do things bit by bit, shelf by shelf, not able to do it all in one swoop. Makes it not so barren all of the sudden.<br /><br />The garden...once so cared for, now so ignored. I hope this spring I am able to dig in the dirt once again, I used to find such joy in that task, now it has just been another chore to do alone. Doesn't help knowing that I am probably leaving this garden and home behind soon. Time does change where we're at in more ways than one.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-52614807945064695792013-03-22T05:48:28.277-07:002013-03-22T05:48:28.277-07:00Wow Chris, this really is where I am right now. I...Wow Chris, this really is where I am right now. I am just past the two year mark. My husband and I were big gardeners. In fact we bought the house I live in so we had more room to garden. When he was alive, every spring and summer day was a joy as we walked the yard and talked about the gardens, the flowers and what we would do next. It has NEVER looked the same. I take care of it. But exactly as you said, I have lost the joy of doing it. It just seems like a lot of work. People say "move" but then I would leave behind everything. <br />When the bulbs he planted come up in the Spring I feel like a part of our love, our memories are still alive. When I look in the yard and see the bench he sat on every day, i feel so sad, but I remember him sitting there. I can still picture it. <br />I still have a drawer of his things, his favourite leather coat, his garden work shoes. <br />This spring - I have plans for the garden. I am going to try to bring back the life and the love we had for our home. I am going to try and invite friends over for barbecues. <br />I am going to fill the holes in the yard and hopefully in my heart too.<br />Thanks for letting me know that I am exactly where I should be - on the road. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com