tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post9003202715317332272..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : a better widow than meMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-84742743714595982942011-11-25T11:06:03.350-08:002011-11-25T11:06:03.350-08:00At nearly 52 months out from losing my Steve, I am...At nearly 52 months out from losing my Steve, I am standing -- and applauding you -- in writing this. AMEN!!!!! I'm actually cleaning out my closet this weekend -- OUR closet -- and having to wash things because the dust layer on top of some is at least 1/4" thick. I've left his clothes alone -- they were his -- but I'm slowly moving towards washing them and then figuring out what to do with them. I'm doing this on my timeline, no one elses. THANK YOU for writing this!KThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17859671353446932746noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-15630330760382912282011-11-23T22:34:08.493-08:002011-11-23T22:34:08.493-08:00Good girl retrieving the toothbrush. I almost gave...Good girl retrieving the toothbrush. I almost gave my late husband's vitamins to my dad, but at the last moment took them back. They are safely in the master bathroom closet until I decide it is time to give or throw them away.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-70580243303315921352011-11-18T01:32:56.371-08:002011-11-18T01:32:56.371-08:00It has been 2 years for me and it doesn't get ...It has been 2 years for me and it doesn't get any better as time goes by.<br />The tears still come but not as much.<br />My husband suffered so bad the last 7 months of his life that it was a relief for him to be at peace.<br />I still have a lot of his clothes.<br />I'm sorry now that I didn't keep his toothbrush.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-68587492483469737942011-11-17T18:21:58.335-08:002011-11-17T18:21:58.335-08:00I am two years out, and I have found that widowed ...I am two years out, and I have found that widowed people go one of two ways. They either quickly get everything out of sight, some even going so far as to move out of their house, or they keep everything. I am of the latter persuasion. Each person finds comfort in their own way, and there is no right or wrong to it. It is unfortunate that people feel the need to be advice givers on many levels. No good ever comes from it. Only you know what will give you comfort and get you through the day, and the rest is smoke. Blessings to all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-73164939236837870072011-11-17T18:19:09.167-08:002011-11-17T18:19:09.167-08:00more than 5 years for me and I have not touched ma...more than 5 years for me and I have not touched many of his things. I hope that no one ever ever tries to tell me what pace to go at.....do it your way. It will happen when you are ready and not a minute sooner.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-24988602800331825012011-11-17T18:12:23.211-08:002011-11-17T18:12:23.211-08:00Thanks for posting your response, Jackie. It's...Thanks for posting your response, Jackie. It's been 13 years since I lost the love of my life. We were married 33 years and I still miss him everyday and I still have some of his things sittng out where I can see them and touch them. He was here and needs to be remembered.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-33307612550889281462011-11-17T18:06:40.751-08:002011-11-17T18:06:40.751-08:00Jackie, Really enjoyed your post. It has been 2 y...Jackie, Really enjoyed your post. It has been 2 years since I lost my wonderful husband and I still have his electric razor sitting in the cabinet. It's a warm feeling to know it is there. Life is a journey and no one knows what it's like when the journey of your soul mate ends and yours continues on without him. Your friend will never know until someday she finds herself in that position. I'm glad you kept the toothbrush. Good for you!!!Paigenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-65001970583985829982011-11-17T17:52:25.822-08:002011-11-17T17:52:25.822-08:00I'd rather get over some friends than get over...I'd rather get over some friends than get over Don.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-54263064884340426212011-11-17T17:31:25.821-08:002011-11-17T17:31:25.821-08:00Very good post, Jackie. I feel exactly the same. ...Very good post, Jackie. I feel exactly the same. And I have already accepted the fact that other people don't get it. I looked at some of my husband's shirts this afternoon - just remembered him wearing them, and then folded them back to return to the box in my closet.Diane J.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-20788679146248502582011-11-17T17:00:13.997-08:002011-11-17T17:00:13.997-08:00So glad to read this! I'm two years out and h...So glad to read this! I'm two years out and have just started to do some cleaning of his items - saying that it's been only his items from the basement & garage - nowhere near removing his clothes, etc. As far as his pictures they're not going anywhere they are part of me and my history and who I am - I would not be the the person I am if I hadn't spent the last 30 years with my husband. I find that one of the most disturbing things is the constant comparisons and words of wisdoms from those that are not widows/ers - it drives me nuts, it really pushes my buttons!!! Well done Jackie.....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-18650929757897707932011-11-17T15:47:39.590-08:002011-11-17T15:47:39.590-08:00Right on, Jackie. I remember a presenter at Camp t...Right on, Jackie. I remember a presenter at Camp this summer saying that her response to those type of comments is "How's YOU'RE widowhood going?"<br />The presumption that anyone can advise me on how to go about doing this is frustrating. It's arduous enough without others suggesting we should be doing it differently. I think everyone who cares about a widowed person should be encouraged to read "Tear Soup". It's like an instruction book for people who love someone who's grieving.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-55927702074177231412011-11-17T15:00:06.924-08:002011-11-17T15:00:06.924-08:00so glad you did that...listen to your heart only i...so glad you did that...listen to your heart only i reckon....my guy died last feb. and now i think i will get a t/shirt made saying " How Many F-ing Husbands /Wives Have You Lost " for the amount of times people try and tell you how to live,well done you............Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-26190283016692551402011-11-17T13:40:02.188-08:002011-11-17T13:40:02.188-08:00The heart knows the path through grief and we have...The heart knows the path through grief and we have to let it have its way.<br />I have filled my husbands dresser with his things, our love letters, his watches, his favourite shoes, my favourite sweater that he wore and all the cards he saved that I sent him over 36 years. His pictures are everywhere, in our family - we talk about him, laugh about him, sob over his death, wish for him, have toasts in his memory and everyday celebrate that he lived. <br />I will never be over him but each day my grief is a bit transformed. I know one day when it is my turn . . . my last thoughts will be of him. There is no over there is only through.<br />with love and memoryAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-64014629946646134182011-11-17T11:47:30.236-08:002011-11-17T11:47:30.236-08:00One of my friends gave me that same lecture last s...One of my friends gave me that same lecture last summer. I quietly took it. Then I got mad. I finally called him and told him that I was a widow with young children and that we all deserved to have my husband/their father present in the house and in our conversations. He had suggested that like with divorce we should just put everything away and quit talking about him. Yeah- NOT going to happen. Thank you for writing. It's always good to know that others have similar experiences.Janethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17615575846268382329noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-31299303782579379802011-11-17T11:17:04.909-08:002011-11-17T11:17:04.909-08:00Everyone knows how and what the widow should do al...Everyone knows how and what the widow should do although they aren't widows themselves. Hogwash on all of those well meaning people who try to run our lives. I'm amazed this woman remains a friend. I would have ditched her a long time ago--just as I did to my dear friend who told me I was "all about myself and didn't care about others anymore." I don't need people like that in my life when I'm grieving over the loss of a husband who I'd been married to for 53 years.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04516228383672051397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-84457353778202782382011-11-17T10:39:31.298-08:002011-11-17T10:39:31.298-08:00Jackie! I love this post! Everyone seems to know e...Jackie! I love this post! Everyone seems to know everything that is best for you without them ever going through it themselves! I couldn't imagine our house not having Joe's things around, I couldn't pretend that he just never happened! All in our own time on our own journey! Thanks for the reminder today! I totally needed that!Danahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06127101440362495832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-89516144516095332652011-11-17T09:41:36.237-08:002011-11-17T09:41:36.237-08:00right there with you toothbrush and all!!!right there with you toothbrush and all!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-38397888546529407192011-11-17T08:59:14.681-08:002011-11-17T08:59:14.681-08:00Ha...Good for you, Jackie, for not caving in. I, t...Ha...Good for you, Jackie, for not caving in. I, too, have not removed the toothbrush from the holder...it just looks right in that space, and I don't want to see one lonely brush there, staring me in the face everyday. It's no big deal to me, but must be to your friend. And just because you dispose of all their personal items doesn't mean that you have moved on, they still reside in your heart and soul forever. I love that you retrieved the toothbrush, it is right where it should be. If it gives you peace of mind knowing it is there, so what? If I had to remove all personal effects and photos of my life with Doug, I would grieve even longer and deeply. They are not only about him and his life, they are about me too! You do what you gotta do, and for now, things are staying put in my house. I'm glad to see they are in your house too.Cathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-75055288636745308332011-11-17T08:11:45.510-08:002011-11-17T08:11:45.510-08:00Wish I could stand on a top of a hill and read you...Wish I could stand on a top of a hill and read your post to everyone and anyone who has EVER critiqued my grief path and asked why I still have "stuff" around the house after 20 months! <br /><br />Thank you.......!!!!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-69338795889941890802011-11-17T07:40:59.754-08:002011-11-17T07:40:59.754-08:00Wow Thank You! I am at 10 months and I haven't...Wow Thank You! I am at 10 months and I haven't moved/changed a thing. Not a thing in his closet or his dresser or his side of the bathroom and the suitcase from the hospital, where he spent the last three months of his life, is sitting in his closet unopened. It feels like such a relief to say that to some one- it's been my dirty little secret-proof to the non-widows in my life that i am not as "ok" as I appear to be. When my 4 year old wants to paint we go to Daddy's closet and pull out a shirt, it's comforting to me to have his things around us. So thank you so much for sharing how you are "marking your husbands place".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-67746381839025284102011-11-17T07:17:39.353-08:002011-11-17T07:17:39.353-08:00damn right lady!damn right lady!meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10064483599165161879noreply@blogger.com