tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post9109619334408543243..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : SundayMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-10322567833556917902011-11-14T18:03:59.130-08:002011-11-14T18:03:59.130-08:00Thanks for your responses, Dan and Janine.Thanks for your responses, Dan and Janine.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-59806791209487717172011-11-13T13:29:53.819-08:002011-11-13T13:29:53.819-08:00To Anon #2 .... what you're describing is perf...To Anon #2 .... what you're describing is perfectly "normal". It's normal for some of us ... and then, maybe less familiar for others. I've found that there's not one certain thing that is consistently "normal" for all of us .... well, other than the gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, life-sucking pain. That seems to be pretty much the "norm". How we display it, express it, and sometimes feel it .... is as unique as our fingerprints.<br />But, having said that .... I found the 2nd year to be harder than the first. The numbness and the shock has worn off by then and the question that I asked almost every single day, "Is this REALLY my life?!" was no longer a question, but a statement. A statement that stunned me, but still remained firm.<br />It no longer stuns me and it no longer hurts when I think it. It is what it is .... and it could be so much worse.<br />As for those sunny days .... in the beginning I remember actually resenting them. How could the world, or at least my part of it, be full of sunshine when I was slowly dying on the inside? How could people go about their business, enjoying a day like that, when I knew that I'd never enjoy another day as long as I lived.<br />Thankfully, I was wrong. And "normal".<br />Thanks for the reminder, Dan, of how far we really have, and do, come.<br />Love you.<br />:)Janinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00949809367923657970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-22575190627802069412011-11-13T09:56:20.395-08:002011-11-13T09:56:20.395-08:00For the longest time I would function fine at work...For the longest time I would function fine at work, then walk out to my car and fall apart. In the last few months I would do well at work, then find my mood spiraling downward as I drove home. For the longest time I told myself that all I wanted, and needed, was to sit at home in silence, which I did benefit greatly from. Now, I am not alone at home, as I have my kids, yet I still did tend to isolate myself. On the rare occasion that I was invited out I would find an excuse, as I didn't feel like I would enjoy myself.<br /><br />In time I began making myself join others for social events. In time I learned to find joy in them, and before I knew it I was having a good time. It didn't change how I felt at home, but like work, it was easier, and more enjoyable than I anticipated. Now that I am involved in a relationship it is like the next building block. I enjoy my time with him, and often feel joy. At the same time I still experience that fall of mood when alone and at times with him. I have learned that this is okay, and that this is normal. My boyfriend is also good about giving some silent space, or asking if I need to talk. <br /><br />In my experience, everything takes time. It has been a combination of gently pushing myself forward, and also being comfortable with with where I am at.Danhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02218009891182171803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-83278589694155508952011-11-13T09:14:37.648-08:002011-11-13T09:14:37.648-08:00Fantastic post, Dan. For the last 5 months I have ...Fantastic post, Dan. For the last 5 months I have never wished for so much rain in all my life.I have often thought that I must be the only person that has ever felt like that after losing their spouse. But it is comforting, and it suits my mood, and now through your writing you have put into words exactly why I love rainy days right now. I am sure I will love sunny days again someday, like you are now experiencing. Many thanks to you today, you have helped me feel a little more normal in this difficult journey.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-81102849977779708602011-11-13T08:32:25.755-08:002011-11-13T08:32:25.755-08:00I have experienced the same feelings about the wea...I have experienced the same feelings about the weather so many times. You're right, rainy days match the mood of the soul. I have a question for you Dan, and answer if you wish. I'm two years out, and still feel strangely detached from everything. I never get excited about anything, even the occasional social outing feels like an obligation to me, but I can take it or leave it. I feel like my emotions are shut down or something. I function fine at work, unfortunately I am left living alone and that's been a tough part of my grief journey, because without people in the house it's really hard to get out of my own head, so all I do is reflect. Is it normal to have this feeling of constant ennui? At this stage? I read, journal, watch tv, clean, cook, etc. but it's hard to forget things about the illness and my long marriage. Thanks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com