tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post7848404591379675581..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : The Joan EffectMichele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-50188661987566624272014-09-11T23:29:25.169-07:002014-09-11T23:29:25.169-07:00For me it was Robin Williams.... I shared so many ...For me it was Robin Williams.... I shared so many happy memories of watching his movies with my husband. My family thought my tears were odd. You seem to understand that although I felt terrible for his pain and his family ..... I was crying because those memories I shared with my husband were now only mine.... no longer shared. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-55206537172473357422014-09-07T08:40:20.472-07:002014-09-07T08:40:20.472-07:00to 1974- xoxoxoxoxox i have not lost a husband bu...to 1974- xoxoxoxoxox i have not lost a husband but my mom shot herself in the head when i was 28 and she was 50. i am now 52. the first 2-3 years of her suicide were full of shock, nightmares, questions, guilt, etc.... outliving my mom's "death age" was a trip...my sisters and i have made a full recovery just by accepting her choice. all the pain plus wouldda/couldda/shouldda's don't help. it just IS. letting go of that disbelief is the key to making a semblance of a new life, even if it starts out as just a shred of a new life. our deceased loved ones would not want us to stay in grief forever. they would beg us to settle into to acceptance and start over, to feel blessed for the time we shared. they wouldn't want us to wallow in misery for 5 or 10 years. we all know there is no timeline for grief and grief can be endless but life is so fleeting for all of us. nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. today, i have a roof over my head, a warm bed, food in the fridge, water...for today... yes, i lost a person i love in a tragic and horrific way but we all could have been born into a hell realm like Sudan or Afghanistan and been surrounded by genocide on a daily basis for decades.... if we're online, we are better off than the majority of humans on the planet, grieving or not. we have our grief but we also have these amazing blessings. what are yours today ???? today i fully accept that my mom killed herself with a bullet to the brain and i have chosen to still be okay. it's the struggle that keeps us in misery. love to you all. <br />xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox (correcting yesterday's pre-coffee typo here: "Living in the present WITH full acceptance is the only way to get through all this pain."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-64865355867674813132014-09-06T18:47:13.229-07:002014-09-06T18:47:13.229-07:00Hello, wow I feel your post. It is about acceptanc...Hello, wow I feel your post. It is about acceptance.. Whether we want it or not , u speak volumes w that..who in right mind wants to suffer life they have left..just couple weeks ago I decided to take my life back..whatever that is.. My one sister said to me abt yr after accident, you were your own person before you ever met him..wow!! Did I just get that??? I guess??our culture does not do death well at all..Ty to all widows here today great words in every post, true.. Hug fr one widow to another1974https://www.blogger.com/profile/03452038541844071655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-16713583721515835862014-09-06T12:33:05.705-07:002014-09-06T12:33:05.705-07:00Kelley, I thought of you as soon as I heard about...Kelley, I thought of you as soon as I heard about Joan. I agree, this death thing doesn't work for me either. Think we could boycott it? LOL I wonder how that would work...<br />I had time with my husband, before...3 days of semi-coma. It doesn't really make it easier. I know there was nothing left unsaid, but still, every day I have things I want to say to him. Sucks, right? <br />Hang in there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-11634330621106902502014-09-06T11:20:34.398-07:002014-09-06T11:20:34.398-07:00I love your post Kelley. You have such a way with ...I love your post Kelley. You have such a way with words. Thanks for keeping a smile on our faces.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14116821084463106558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-1623870623667628512014-09-06T09:00:18.110-07:002014-09-06T09:00:18.110-07:00My mother committed suicide. I've come to beli...My mother committed suicide. I've come to believe that the only way to survive the deaths of our loved ones and our own inevitable death is full acceptance. All the resistance and grief won't stop death. Death is coming for all of us, sooner or later. We have to let that be okay. Death has to be okay. Otherwise we spend our entire lives grieving and fearing the inevitable. Our culture must evolve to transform death grief into acceptance and peace. The longer we stay stuck in our grief, the more we waste/ruin whatever time we have left here on earth. Living in the present will full acceptance is the only way to get through all this pain. Suffering for the rest of our lives is no life at all. xoxoxoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-21634627602990527062014-09-05T10:54:08.788-07:002014-09-05T10:54:08.788-07:00Carol - Im a scatterbrain lol Either I forget to w...Carol - Im a scatterbrain lol Either I forget to write completely, or I write the post very early Thursday night, like I did last night, and then accidentally click to submit it immediately, instead of for midnight pacific time / Friday. So thats why it says Thursday. Oops. At least its up, right? lol. Kelley Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17289972201201027609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-83921646143497248472014-09-05T10:50:08.974-07:002014-09-05T10:50:08.974-07:00My husband also died several days after going into...My husband also died several days after going into cardiac arrest and like Joan, went through the cooling protocol and induced coma as we hoped for the best and eventually learned the worst. The hospital experience was a tramautizing roller coaster but it was somewhat of a cushion to get to be at his bedside and have a few days of hope. But you are right, the death of our spouse is horrific, no matter the circumstances. Take gentle care.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-81024338019234231582014-09-05T09:50:40.871-07:002014-09-05T09:50:40.871-07:00Dear Kelley Lynn,
It's a Friday. I got up, we...Dear Kelley Lynn,<br />It's a Friday. I got up, went to the computer, checked some email, and then thought, "Let's check to see if KL wrote something for Widow's Voice. It's her day." And yes, there was a new piece, but the date said Thursday and that threw me off. But as I scanned the first paragraph, I said that it must be from Kelley Lynn! So glad you did not "forget" to write something for today. A special something that describes how and perhaps why we care so much nowadays when icons die. Thank you once again for a post that hits home in so many ways.<br />Carol M.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-62327831520260408292014-09-05T09:33:48.428-07:002014-09-05T09:33:48.428-07:00What she said, only it's" Kent". Ma...What she said, only it's" Kent". MarianneAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-52414566648459974972014-09-05T06:27:10.765-07:002014-09-05T06:27:10.765-07:00"...Do me a favor, Joan. If you see my husban..."...Do me a favor, Joan. If you see my husband (Rich), tell him for me that.." I love him, I will always love him; I miss him so much; and I will love him for Eternity. KarenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-14872220442658184212014-09-05T05:55:22.181-07:002014-09-05T05:55:22.181-07:00thank you for making it so i'm not the only on...thank you for making it so i'm not the only one who lost it when joan rivers died. i read all the news reports about her being in the coma, and her family and friends being with her, and someone doing her hair and painting her nails, and the support her daughter was able to have in that moment. and i was jealous. jealous because when my husband died suddenly i was alone with him, we had only lived in our little town 8 months, so i hardly knew anyone, and while my children and my sister came to be with me, we spent those 5 days snowed in with my husband's crazy sister while his shit brother declined to come. those 5 days before his funeral were not about my children and me and helping us cope---those 5 days were about fending off his sister. so i was jealous of what i imagined to be wonderful incredible loving support for melissa rivers. man, did this column hit home for me. talk about comparing my insides to somebody else's outsides. thanks for writing this. thanks for letting me say what i feel without fear of contradiction or condemnation.Janicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07689067506434016485noreply@blogger.com