tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post8817770860014416728..comments2024-02-21T02:19:16.755-08:00Comments on Widow's Voice: Seven Widowed Voices Sharing Love, Loss, and Hope : The Subject That No One ......Michele Neff Hernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356589209090780127noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-86493733875779978962017-02-06T18:58:24.866-08:002017-02-06T18:58:24.866-08:00i am 66 and married 37 years. my husband is physic...i am 66 and married 37 years. my husband is physically unable to have sex for the last 20 years. he is also older than me and has no sexual desires. we are more roomates. my faith is important to me so i spoke to my pastor and decided it is better to masturbate than committ adultery or fornicationAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-91329186355800565792017-01-15T21:21:04.083-08:002017-01-15T21:21:04.083-08:00Two and a half years and counting, I'm 37. Was...Two and a half years and counting, I'm 37. Was married 5.5 years. I'm glad for the topic and honesty. Most don't want to talk about it and as some gave mentioned my Christian beliefs also at times make me feel so guilty and shamed for having these feelings. In may of last year out if the blue this guy expressed interest. Immediately the attraction was there...just recently we have been sexually active. I notice that it wasn't the sex but as others said the hugs, cuddles, touch etc that I crave. Sometimes I feel like I'm using him now because I'll call him just to come over to be intimate. The sex is AMAZING, but I also find that I desire for him to stay. Circumstances right now prevent overnight stays. I have even considered getting a hotel for the weekend just so we can be together uninterrupted...yet I think its heightened because I miss my late husband. Never thought I would be in this position. IT SUCKS!!Navigatinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02596117141268399936noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-85336293994516996922016-01-04T01:01:01.074-08:002016-01-04T01:01:01.074-08:00The Widow's Voice blogs have moved over to the...The Widow's Voice blogs have moved over to the new Soaring Spirits website. Here's a link to the blog page: http://www.soaringspirits.org/blogDiannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-57092804410125876272016-01-03T16:46:22.370-08:002016-01-03T16:46:22.370-08:00I very recently lost my wife street a long illness...I very recently lost my wife street a long illness. She began having mini strokes ( many of them) early 2014, that affected her short term memory. Then on 12.27.2014, she fainted, fell straight back, and her head hit the ceramic tile floor first. I was only 5 feet away, but she was down before I could move. She suffered subdural hematoma and began having seizures within an hour of the fall. She'd never had seizures before. She spent all except 3 weeks in 2015 in hospitals, rehabs. On 5.31.15, she had bad seizures, and wad in a coma for 6 months, till she started having more seizures, and I divided it was time to let her go. It took her a month to pass away after taking her off all meds, etc. I spent months with her. By her side, until I finally want back to work part time. She had to be in a specialty misusing home 2 hours away. In still spent at least 3 nights a week with her in her room. I said all that to discuss that for2 years we weren't intiment,, and for 75% of 2015, she wasnt able to hug or hold me. I can't describe how lonely I felt, even though she was still with me. She's only been gone a few weeks, and I miss her terribly, and have no desire for any kind of relationship, and expect it'll be a long long time. But I miss being held so badly. And I feel guilty that I even think about it. I still haven't figured out how to survive day to day, yet I still have thoughts of intimacy. And I'm scared I'll "meds up". I would like to have someone to hold hands with, and hug, but a am scared of going further, even though I have sexual desire. The more I think about what I've written, the crazier I think I am.aloneand50ishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03936235916279144649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-50764691348035886792015-11-27T08:18:56.340-08:002015-11-27T08:18:56.340-08:00Thank you for helping me realize that what I feel ...Thank you for helping me realize that what I feel is normal for a widow. If you haven't experienced losing someone you love, you can't understand the feeling of physical contact. Just a touch on the shoulder, a hug, a kiss are things you know you will never have again and when you need them most, they aren't there. I agree it's a form of insanity, but its a part of moving forward and healing insanity. We all need physical contact to be whole and sometimes your mind just says go and you accept someone else's kisses and hugs. Afterwards you may feel shocked or stupid like I did at first then you realize thats what you needed. Thanks for helping me know Im not insane completely.healing soulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08957082127478547480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-46101834535975939262015-07-27T20:39:26.145-07:002015-07-27T20:39:26.145-07:00The Widow's Voice blogs have moved over to the...The Widow's Voice blogs have moved over to the new Soaring Spirits website. Here's where you can find the current blog posts, along with all of the old ones, too. They are now tagged, so you can search by topic. Here's a link to the blog page: http://www.soaringspirits.org/blogDiannehttp://amyelomawidowsjourney.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-42005988883516185232015-07-26T17:41:57.436-07:002015-07-26T17:41:57.436-07:00My husband of 32 years died of cancer in February...My husband of 32 years died of cancer in February. We met when I was 15 and he was 18. Married two years later. He was my one and only. Now just over five months have passed since he died and I miss his tough and sex/love making. I am only 49 years old. Our four children are all grown and on their own. I am alone, but I am not lonely. I miss having my other half. My partner. My love. Being able to tell him anything. My friends say, "oh, I will come over and we will do this or that". Hear this loud and clear, I appreciate that but you cannot fill this void. I want a husband, friend, lover. No friend or child can fill the place of a husband. Friends and relatives say that I am "just lonely" Bull! I know how I feel. I am not lonely. I miss my other half, my best friend. I want that kind of a relationship again. I don't want to be a widow. When other widows invite me to their groups, I just want to scream, "but I don't wanna be a widow!" (Like not going to their group will change that, at least in my mind...) I miss sex, I miss holding hands, I miss touch, a lovers touch. Not something I feel like I can say to my kids or family. I don't know when or if I will meet someone to fill this need, this void, only God knows and I am relying on Him to help me to discern when my next husband will come along and who he will be. Looking forward to it. And if God should say no, then I know He will give me the grace to live with that answer. He knows my heart better than I do.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-48729982831388406822015-02-12T13:56:48.768-08:002015-02-12T13:56:48.768-08:00Yes. 61 in great health with lots if desires. Just...Yes. 61 in great health with lots if desires. Just over 2 years a widow. Loved him with every fiber of my being. Would really like to be loved again besides/in addition to the sexual part. What a mess. Why did he need to due?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-36935723358230136812015-01-04T14:34:04.987-08:002015-01-04T14:34:04.987-08:00I wonder if most of you are younger widows. I am 6...I wonder if most of you are younger widows. I am 63 and have the sexual appetite of a woman much younger. It didn't come to me until I turned 50. I now feel sexually what I should have felt younger and didn't. My husband died two years ago and I started feeling things again two or three months ago. I was content to just think about my husband and wait till the day I could join him in Heaven. I wasn't going to be one of those widows who remarried. No sir; not me. Then after the two year mark; wham! I suddenly longed for romance, intimacy and love-making again. I am torn between wanting this life again with a new husband and feeling of guilt like I am being unfaithful to my husband. Any older widows in the 58-65 age group who are young chicks at heart like me? Thanks, Mary Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-66357997046637962082014-07-29T01:27:13.552-07:002014-07-29T01:27:13.552-07:00Hi I am glad I got to read all the comments, I hav...Hi I am glad I got to read all the comments, I have been a widow for 2 years and finally I met someone that gave me back my smiles, I did miss the hugs, the kisses and the feeling is so mutual and honestly speaking I have never been loved like this before not even my husband of 18 years with all the respect I gave him he did not appreciate at all. But what I have now it's amazingly beautiful I do wake up with a smile on my face and sleep with the same smile on my face. I don't know where we are going he is a divorcee and I am a widow and feel so much 18 or 20 years old. what is more nice is the exchanging of messages and music clips he sends me the guy is so romantic please let open the doors and not look closely to the closed ones there is life out there we are both adults late 40's and very much in love. Yesterday he asked that we go to his place for love making but I just could not let go I wanted him so much but I just could not I am simply scared hey very much. please I do enjoy the new man in my life very much and hope I will let go. I never thought I will have a relationship with anyone else again but truly it happened naturally and we both in love we chat until early hours of the night. I AM IN LOVE Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-2272174556961664122014-05-24T15:15:03.057-07:002014-05-24T15:15:03.057-07:00Am so happy about this post. As I read tears keeps...Am so happy about this post. As I read tears keeps flowing my cheeks. I thought am alone but thank God am able to access this blog. Am a 33 year old widow , lost my heart 9 years ago. Its bn so lonely without him, still asking myself can I love again. Missed d rubbish atimes, his jokes , his name callings, his touch and most of all his love making. Can't stop crying anytime I thinks about him. <br />I hardly sits amidst married couples because I don't want to be reminded of him. I've been seen as a threat among some of my married friends as though I have never been married before. I wish to b cuddled again in the night, I wish to be hugged as if my life depends on it, I wish to be told do this or that for me, I wish to rush home knowing that somebody is expecting me. I have my two boys, yes but they don't feel this gaps. I miss u my steph.<br /> Thank u so much Janine for this post. My hope to love again is liftedAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-83619344032475121132014-02-16T03:23:47.331-08:002014-02-16T03:23:47.331-08:00Thank you so much for this...I am a widow for 7 ye...Thank you so much for this...I am a widow for 7 years. I still miss my husband, he was my first love. Sadly, I have not been interested in anyone else since. I still feel like I'm cheating or something. But, you said everything I've went thru. I do miss his touch, and always will, til we meet again...JojobugHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00041788566304066270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-31681506543878369382014-01-04T16:42:50.265-08:002014-01-04T16:42:50.265-08:00it is two years yesterday jan 3, and i know how yo...it is two years yesterday jan 3, and i know how you feel because i feel the same, i pray i will meet someone who loves me with all his heart again, i miss the hugs , kisses and talks , that someone special in my life again, all my friends still have their husbands and don't include me anymore, and it is so lonely most of the times in my life, it gets so hard/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-4975381488978387322013-11-27T10:57:13.300-08:002013-11-27T10:57:13.300-08:00I am a 64 year old widower. I lost my wife over 5 ...I am a 64 year old widower. I lost my wife over 5 years ago and because of her illness we didn't make love for the 12 months before her passing. I agree wit most of the comments made in so much as I like most of the others had no sexual feelings or desires for ages, but there does come a time when you can look back and not see your wife/partner suffering in pain but only in a loving way and you suddenly find that you have an urge. An urge that you regularly had satisfied by your wife/partner as and when it arose either by manual,oral or penetration means or all but now you only had one. solo sex. it doesn't come anyway near to holding and cuddling somebody while you make love to them. how I miss my dear departed wife. I find that I hardly get an erection now as it's not used Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-61632330688456729892013-11-08T05:15:54.955-08:002013-11-08T05:15:54.955-08:00I am a man married almost 39 years, most of which ...I am a man married almost 39 years, most of which were absolutely marvelous. God gave me a perfect matched companion, but I was not always the best husband. My wife was diagnosed with ALS just over 3 years ago.. She is now in dementia. If she gets sick again , I am ashamed to admit I wish they would not treat her and let her go.<br /><br />I just wanted to say that I really related to the comments about missing the touch of someone that loves you. That cannot be replaced. I have had a divorced friends of my wife offer to come into my life - very upfront - but that definitely will not happen until after my wife passes. Its not the way I feel but it I am going off what I read to go slow. I realize I am probably not thinking clearly about this. I guess after my wife passes, then my feelings for my wife will be stronger and the conflict will be easier to manage until a decent interval goes by to start dating again.. <br /><br />At this point in my life, I am worn out and I just want to get past this. I have sat down and written out 1 year and 5 year plans for my life after she passes. I know it seems very cold but it is my way of getting control of the situation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-65548833357664690422013-09-24T03:59:49.759-07:002013-09-24T03:59:49.759-07:00I have been dating a widower for a little over a y...I have been dating a widower for a little over a year now, we enjoy each others company and enjoy the closeness of making love. Only one thing has now gotten in the way. He has 5 children, 2 adopted when he married his wife of 37 years, their dad did not want them and gladly gave them up. Three children born to them during their marriage, so 5 all together. 2 girls and 3 boys. Eldest son and middle son have accepted dad's "dating" and include me in family events. One lives in Arizona as does my daughter and we have met there and had a good time together with his partner and my daughter and son in law. The problem stems with his daughter, his wife's child from her first marriage. She is not accepting the fact that he has grieved the loss of his wife of 37 years and has now decided to make a new life with me. She excludes me from family gatherings, such as her kids birthdays and then text's her father to ask if I am upset about not being invited. This would not bother me except for the fact she is using her son as the excuse for not inviting me, he just turned 4, so his grandmother died when he was around 2, his mother decided to bring out family photo albums days before the party and discuss grandpa and grandma not being at the party together. Of course the 4 year old has now asked who I am and who grandpa is not with grandma. Apparently his mother did not explain her dying to him and just decided to tell my partner not to bring me to the party. This is impacting our intimacy as he is uncomfortable that his daughter does not accept me and he doesn't want to "confuse" his grandson with my presence. I really don't care what his daughter thinks, I feel she is playing games as he has told all his kids he is happy with me and wants a long lived relationship that may include marriage. Any thoughts on how not to let this interfere with our love making? We don't just have sex, that was in the beginning, now we truly have deep feelings for each other, and make love, but lately it has become and uncomfortable time between us. Any ideas as to how to get his daughter, for lack of a better phrase "out of our bedroom"?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-49961396465940598302013-08-31T08:22:08.418-07:002013-08-31T08:22:08.418-07:00Great post, my first time to your blog. I am not a...Great post, my first time to your blog. I am not a widow yet but I have anticipatory grief and have spent the past ten months dealing with daily losses as I caregive for my terminally ill life partner in a foriegn country. My partner and I were always a very passionate couple and the loss of that physicality in all its forms is very deep. Even the hugging is impossible for my beloved as his body is so frail and it is painful for him. I plan to write a book about the journey and you have given me courage to address the intimacy issues with honesty as I think what all of us are going through will help others to get through it, too. going to goa bloghttp://goingtogoa.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-46155759123696791012013-06-30T00:22:49.422-07:002013-06-30T00:22:49.422-07:00I am 53 years old and lost my husband of 27 years ...I am 53 years old and lost my husband of 27 years about 14 months ago. He was disabled and it has probably been more than 5 years since we had sex. I was faithful to my husband, but the sex was rare due to his disability. About at the year point after he died I started wanting to have a man in my life. So on a lonely Memorial Day weekend I decided to go on an online dating site and started chatting with a man immediately. We connected so well that we decided to meet about 1 week later. We had an immediate connection and have now had about 6 very long dates and talk everyday. I was uncomfortable at the first 2 dates, but by the 3rd date his touch felt amazing. Every date since then we have not been able to keep our hands off each other. The fact that he has been a gentleman has kept us from having sex, but it is getting more difficult every time. We both have been acting like teenagers and are so happy.<br /><br />Until this past weekend. He had made plans to visit his 3 children which he has not seen for many months. He also spent some time with his children with his ex-wife and time with old friends. As a result we have not spoken as much over the last two days and is leaving me feeling scared. I have not been able to sleep due to this overwhelming fear. I am afraid that I have fallen very hard for him and may end up getting hurt.<br /><br />He will be coming home tomorrow his 50th Birthday and I have planned a nice dinner for him. Prior to this weekend I was thinking we may have sex in the very near future; something I have been longing to do with this amazing man. But, now I am very apprehensive by the prospect of being hurt so close to the grief of my husband. I honestly do not know if I could handle this at this time. More importantly, we have been very honest about our feelings and I do not know if I share any of these thoughts I may make matters worse.<br /><br />Any thoughts that may help would be so appreciated.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-42049582797215622672013-05-31T22:39:03.265-07:002013-05-31T22:39:03.265-07:00I'm a young widow and my husband hasn't be...I'm a young widow and my husband hasn't been gone but 6 months. We were married for 7 years and have a young son together, his death was sudden and unexpected but afterwords I didn't feel anything sexually for anyone until I started talking to one guy. He was one of my husbands friends from work. I had only talked to him a handful of times. One day I decided to message him, after talking to him a couple of times I started to feel a "pull" towards him and a strong sexual attraction towards him but I have no clue how he feels about me, plus I'm to shy to ask. What do I do??? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-22059177057287205252013-05-28T23:04:11.419-07:002013-05-28T23:04:11.419-07:00Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one thinki...Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking about this subject. I am a 45 year old widow, 2 kids ages 15 and 11, my husband passed away just 4 months ago after a long illness with many factors, several years, so sex was just really not a part of our regular life for quite some time. We tried every now and then but most of the time, it just didn't work. Now I find myself actively pursuing a "friends with benefits" arrangement with an acquaintance from the town in which I grew up. Started as just a couple friendly games of "Words with Friends"...well if any of you play it, you know there's a little chat box...so, the chats have become X-Rated in the last couple weeks and I am now dying to hook up with this man! I called him at work (hey, he told me where he works!) and basically offered, told him exactly what I needed...no commitments, no expectations, just sex. Of course he did not turn down the offer, although we are trying to find a time and place to actually "hook up". I know it must sound crazy, but I really feel this is what I need right now (me, myself, and I are just not cutting it anymore!) Any and all comments welcome!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-20949708343893322212013-04-09T15:17:47.343-07:002013-04-09T15:17:47.343-07:00Janine -- it is a relief to know I haven't bec...Janine -- it is a relief to know I haven't become some sort of sex-crazed madwoman. My husband died after almost 50 years of monogamous marriage -- not idyllic but with plenty of joyous sex. For four years I never really thought about sex or the lack thereof. I just assumed at my age I'd never again experience or want the kind of passion we had when we married. My longing was for companionship -- someone to have fun with, share stories with, talk with over dinner, hang out with. There were a few tentative dates with nice men around my age, but they seemed more intent on intimacy and I quickly ended those relationships.<br />Then, after five years, boom! Out of nowhere I'm electrically connected to a man I had only thought of as a friend. He is also widowed, but much more recently. It was obsessive. I wanted to be with him every minute --feel his touch, hear his voice, laugh, talk, and yes, have sex. It was as if an explosion had taken place inside of me and there was no way to contain the fallout. I really didn't know what hit me and I am sure he felt the same. <br />How did I go from feeling repulsed at even the thought of being touched by a man other than my husband to wanting to spend all my free time in bed with this guy?<br />It sent him reeling back into his grief, full of guilt and pain. He cut the relationship like a sharp knife and left me staggering around wondering what the H had happened.<br />For a couple of months, the sexual drive was overwhelming. It was Christmas and I can't tell you anything about the holidays -- there were a blur. Nothing helped get him and it off my mind. I cursed my body and its needs. Just having fabric rub across my breasts set me off. It was maddening, even painful. How did I ever get myself in this fix? And the big question -- how could I get out of it?<br />As the others have said, exercise helps some and I did it with a vengance. Walked, swam, hiked, worked out on machines -- dropped a full size and had to invest in new clothes. I embraced every activity open to me, spent time with friends and family and threw myself into my work. <br />Now, five months later, I find there are days, weeks and even nights when I forget about it -- or at least it is not foremost in my mind. But what I want is not intercourse -- if that's all I needed, its available. It was the intimacy, the touch, the comfort of feeling oneness again, of losing one's self in the moment and letting everything else slip away. The joy of knowing I actually could care about someone again and want someone to care about me. <br />I can relate to all the responses you've had -- and feel for them and their need for closeness. It wasn't intentional when it happened to me, but it is now and that makes me very vulnerable and a bit scared.<br />I saw the following on Doug's Blog on The Care Community and it made some sense, so I'm sharing it:<br /><br />"A woman's sexuality changes when she marries. Before marriage she is turned on by the need to be loved and the need to find a mate. After marriage she is turned on or off by whether or not she likes her mate and the relationship they share. When a mate dies, she may well shift back to the before marriage mode.<br /><br />In the animal world, if a male lion takes over the pride the first thing he does is kill off all of the cubs sired by the lion he replaced. He does so because the lioness will then go into heat and he can sire his own offspring. I hate to compare women with some animal and to use the term "going into heat" but to some degree that may be what happens. The need to be loved, and the need to find a mate can become an overwhelming drive. This can happen even if finding a mate is the last thing on earth the woman has in mind at the time."<br /><br />I guess I've shifted back into the "before marriage mode" -- a scary place to be at 76! At least having a place to talk about it helps, so thanks. Guess I'll go book a massage (or is that why I've been seeing the chiropracter so often. . .)!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-26224694191016689532012-12-22T22:27:22.796-08:002012-12-22T22:27:22.796-08:00Anon - First of all .... you do NOT intrude. This...Anon - First of all .... you do NOT intrude. This site is for both widows and widowers. And my post was for both. We both long for physical touch, especially from our loved ones. So thank you for commenting.<br />As for any advice for you .... I have none. I guess that your friend felt some amount of guilt after the two of you became intimate and now she's questioning herself and her actions. <br />Give her some space, but also, don't let her just decide to end this on her own, if that's what she tries to do. Talk to her about it. Explain that what she is feeling is normal. We all feel that certain amount of guilt once we turn to someone else for what we once received from our spouse. <br />I hope that she can look at this realistically and not panic about what has happened. I would think she'd come around before long .... or at least I would hope so. It's so difficult to find someone again .... I hope she thinks twice (or 100 times) before she decides to dump all of this because of guilt. <br />Be open and honest with her .... and ask her to be the same. Especially open. It would be great if you could give us an update.<br />Good luck. :)Janinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00949809367923657970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-17139833220264371092012-12-22T22:21:24.289-08:002012-12-22T22:21:24.289-08:00Anon ... This is a really hard situation. You are...Anon ... This is a really hard situation. You are staving for some physical touch, but you really don't want it to come from this man. This very married man. <br />I have no experience with this but I do have experience with the craving for physical touch. <br />My solution was to get massages. Every. Single. Week.<br />The first time I had one I think I cried through it. But the person who did my massage has experienced that before. So she was OK with it.<br />That would be my suggestion to you: go get a massage ASAP. And then get another one next week. And the week after. And the week after that.<br />It's not the same thing, but it does help, trust me. And it's better than no touch at all. <br />Be open and honest when you go in the first time .... tell her/him what your going through and that you just need physical touch. <br />Again, it's not as intimate and it's not sex .... but it is being touched .... like no one else ever touches you. Give it a try.<br />It couldn't hurt.<br />Good luck.<br />:)Janinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00949809367923657970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-10039427930188130532012-12-22T22:13:01.323-08:002012-12-22T22:13:01.323-08:00Anon - I just saw your comment tonight. And now I...Anon - I just saw your comment tonight. And now I'm wondering what you did, if anything, to adress this new attention from this widower???? <br />And a Pandora's box?! Oh my! Maybe I should write a post asking everyone to catch me/us up on anything that may have happened after this post!!Janinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00949809367923657970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268746983441346507.post-84932596138900224892012-12-21T17:12:52.427-08:002012-12-21T17:12:52.427-08:00It is Dec 20. My husband died suddenly on Dec 28 ...It is Dec 20. My husband died suddenly on Dec 28 six years ago. I'm so glad I have somewhere to voice what I'm going through. I have been on Zoloft which squelches the urge but I've recently stopped taking it. I've had the sexual urges and have taken care of that myself. The first time doing that, I cried. I've gotten used to that but now the urge for touch, bear hugs, just holding me safe in his arms is something I am now craving. My husband was a wonderful husband and was veey affectionate. We held hands a lot. We madw love and he never wanted to call it anything but that.<br /><br />I think what is making that so difficult right now is that my boss, who is a very caring person and does care about me has been giving me affectionate touches, hugs, kisses on the cheek, which is common for him to do to others and me as just a friendly kiss - nothing more. So haven't thought much about it until now. I am NOT physically attracted to him...never have been. He's not that handsome.<br /><br />I find myself wanting him to hug me, I have fantasized some aboiut more, but again, I am not attracted to him. I would love for him to just hold me. I can't go there. I want to tell him how vulnerable I am and it would be best not to touch me but I'm afraid he might want to more, knowing I like it, but I think he would respect my wishes. He's a good man and probably doesn't know what effect it's having on me because I pull away. Oh yea, haven't mentioned that he's married. We are both mature adults. I'm mid to late 50's and he's mid 60's. I think part of the attraction is knowing he cares about me. He has been playfully flirting and it's getting harder to resist. I could never imagine having an affair with a married man. He may be lonely too. Not sure what kind of intimate relationship they have. <br /><br />I'm just having a very difficult time right now. Not sure whethet to tell him how I'm feeling or not. I just would like to be able to ask him to refrain ... for both of our sakes. I am literally aching for his arms around me...but dont want him to think I want a relationship with him. It's like having my needs fulfilled is so close but so far away.<br /><br />Any ideas on how to handle this dilemma from either gender are welcomed. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com