I was talking to someone the other day about the change in my perspective on things. Many things have changed in my life and in my mind since December 18, 2007. The biggest thing that has changed is my sense of fear. It seems that I don't have one. I wonder if it will come back? I think that I've suffered the worst loss a human can suffer .... half of myself ripped away, so I don't fear going through anything else. Not even, and especially, death.
Not many people get that, but I know that each of you does.
It doesn't mean that I sit around planning my demise .... I don't.
It also doesn't mean that I don't enjoy life now ..... I do -- a lot of the time.
But I have such an amazing sense of peace when I think about leaving this earth ... about finally reaching my final destination, which I believe is heaven.
At first I wanted to go there because I know Jim is there.
Now it's not even that. It's going somewhere that will be oh, so much better than anything I can imagine here.
It's knowing that this is not the end but only a temporary stop.
It's knowing that everything can change in the blink of an eye.
It's knowing that love is not something to be wasted .... not for one second.
It's a calmness and a waiting.
And learning to live again while I wait.
It's taken me a while, but I am slowly learning to wait ... and to live again.
At least it seems to me that it's taken a while.
I guess it's all in your perspective.
I like this. Jesus said that he was going to prepare a place for us. Sounds like you are ready, whenever.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! It is a comfort to me to read how there are women who share my thoughts about this new life I am leading. When I do feel myself getting fearful I just have to remind myself of what I have survived and I know I can get through anything. Peace to you.
ReplyDeletethank you for your post. It hits home for me. I am new to this thing called widowhood. I haven't accepted it yet, I still fight, yell and scream thinking that I can have what I want if I just throw a big enough tantrum. I am waiting too. With my love is where I belong. I do not fear death either. I lived with it, faced it, fought it and lost. I wonder tho, if I can enjoy life. It seems impossible. Strangely enough, I feel more comfortable with Death. It holds no secrets or lies. Life on the other hand...Your post gave me some hope that the fear I feel will fade and will turn into a strength. And that not fearing death and the knowledge of simply waiting patiently until you are back where you belong is okay.
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