I'm avoiding...
my bedroom, my pillow, my scrumptious flannel sheets (its been cold in LA)
cause he's in there, waiting for me and I don't want to see him
feel his emptiness,
be held only by his memory.
So I'm up. It's one am. I will sleep less than 4 hours tonight and tomorrow I will continue running,
avoiding,
ducking,
and running some more,
until the loss of him catches me
and I sink into the hole
of grief.
I will make phone calls so that others can remind me how far I've come, that I don't stay in the hole for long. That I
always
come
out.
Does this cycle ever end?
I know it doesn't and that is why I duck and weave. Thinking that maybe I can outsmart it, thinking that maybe once it will pass over me and I won't have to be reminded that
he's never coming back.
I blogged this week about running, hiding, avoiding.
ReplyDeletehttp://jennifermkarn.blogspot.com
I feel the same way. I can't understand or comprehend what happened? It's been 4 months and I can't understand why he is not here. Our children don't understand either. I want this pain to go away, I want to wake up from our nightmare. I can't believe hes gone. I don't know how to be a single parent. My friends have deserted me. They think I should be "over it" by now. I wish I had family near me.
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