Is it just me or does anyone else feel like they are coping most of the time but then something comes up that's kind of significant, but kind of not and then you feel as lost, scared and alone as you did right back at the beginning?
...and then everything just spills over?
I was doing OK. I had started the new school year with an entirely new mandated curriculum and I was OK. I had everything planned out so that it would be fairly cruisy.
...and then I was given a second year level to plan across.
...and the stress built, but I was OK.
....and then a Huge Scary Python started visiting my chicken's cage every night (it's body is thicker than my arm).
...and I started to crack a little. Greg is the person who dealt with scary creatures.
...and then?
...then we had 10 inches of rain in two days.
...and then I discovered that all the money I've spent on drainage and fixing the problem from when it happened last time only mitigated the problem: there was water seeping into my garage again.
....and suddenly, I really wasn't OK.
All of these stresses suddenly became insurmountable: too much for me to deal with.
...and meanwhile, I'm determinedly 'coping' lest my boss think I wasn't coping and take away work.
...and my friends are telling me how strong I am (when they don't see me weeping in the shower at midnight).
But then, Just One Person does something positive for me, without me needing to beg and suddenly I can cope again. I can pick up the pieces and keep moving forward.
I so remember being stuck when the computer didn't work with no one to turn to and being overwhelmed when the driveway needed shoveling or plowed and the grass needed cutting and I was still grieving and just wishing someone would offer help. They would if I asked, but I never asked. So I've told people later that if you have a neighbor or friend who is a widow, offer to rake her lawn or clean the gutters or mow the lawn--it will be so much appreciated!! It really helps you to feel that you are not all alone in the world.
ReplyDeleteYep. I go through the same cycle.
ReplyDeleteThere are times when JOP will make all the difference in the world to the way we feel or how well we can cope; I find it amazing that a simple gesture of kindness can change so much in a situation.
ReplyDeleteI so understand what you are saying. I absolutely can't stand to take out the trash. I have a really long driveway and 2 small kids. Last week, a neighbor just showed up to take my trash down. It was the best thing ever! It brought tears! But then I felt revitalized, like I could take on the world again.
ReplyDelete"....and then a Huge Scary Python started visiting my chicken's cage every night (it's body is thicker than my arm)."
ReplyDeleteAMANDA! WHAT? Seriously? And I thought I was brave by finally being able to kill the stupid spiders in my house occasionally! Haha!
I know though. You think you're fairing OK. Thinking 'I can do this." Then the dog gets sprayed by a skunk just as you're getting ready for bed before midnight. It's just a smelly dog - but it's one more thing you're doing alone...
And I agree with anonymous above. Stop asking if there's something you can do for me or waiting for me to ask. I won't. Just come over and do it! If I have a lawn - it needs mowing. If the leaves are falling - it also needs raking. If I have a driveway - it now needs shoveling.
Or just show up with a bottle of wine and come on in to talk.
And I'm trying to be happy - nobody wants to be around an unhappy person. But it takes a conscious effort - sometimes too much effort. I'm hoping the "fake it 'til you make it" mantra kicks in soon and it becomes effortless!
I understand. Especially the part about everyone saying how strong you are and how you are coping with work. I feel the same way sometimes. Like I putting on a great act but when I get home by myself, I feel like I am falling apart. It is great whenever someone does something that makes you feel better out of the blue too. I sometimes wish that would happen more often.
ReplyDeleteDo I ever know what you're talking about. I thought I was doing pretty well before the holidays, but once Nov. came around, I started downhill. It was the second season without my husband of 53 years. For some reason, I'm still down in the dumps most of the day. I've been told it's a normal cycle and will get better. Being a widow stinks.
ReplyDeleteOh, Sandy so very true, Being a widow STINKS!! I can really relate to all the posts. I lost my sweet husband on Oct 24th 2011 after 20 years. He was 75 and I am 60. I feel like my life is over and just wish I could go be with him. Donna H.
DeleteThe key to not feeling overwhelmed is to ask for help.
ReplyDeleteYes it is hard, But people tell me over and over I am dying to do something< i just don't know what you need. So ask.
To those who are wondering I agree _ just show up and do it. Rake the lawn, bring in the recycling containers, leave a pie at the front door. Have take out delivered anonymously to their house. Order a lovely book from Amazon - beautiful pictures and have it delivered. Come to walk the dog.
To Anonymous above whose husband died October 2011 - I remember that feeling very well (sometimes it creeps in occasionally in small ways). It won't always feel this knife in the heart raw . . . .My husband and I were married 36 years. He died at 56. No matter how much time we had with our loved ones, it was not enough. Could never be enough. Someone reminded me how lucky I was - how long we got to love each other. That is true. There are widows in this community who did not have that time. It doesn't mean our pain doesn't matter, it is still intense.
Your life is not over. You are still here. As painful as this is, you will survive. Come back here to this community. I know the night it saved me. It can do that for you.
Take good care of yourself.