Recently, the cable through which my house receives both TV and internet had a major fault. It lasted 4 days.
...and I nearly lost my marbles.
Part of the reason was that I needed to log onto the work system to download the latest files for school, but part of the reason was that I have come to rely on the television to provide an inane, background distraction whenever my brain wandered in to places I'd rather it not revisit.
I told two friends about how much I had come to rely on the television to provide me with entertainment and distraction from being lonely and grieving. ....
Both friends are highly articulate women who are well read, interesting, and intelligent.
One of them knew exactly what I was talking about. She agreed that TV could indeed provide a valuable distraction that was great for whenever you were both tired and emotional to take your mind elsewhere for a while and allow it to rest.
The other one suggested that I go read a book instead because TV is "just a crutch"....
Guess which one of my two friends is another widow.......
.
.
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Sometimes all that I need to go from feeling low to feeling OK is half an hour of watching Stephen Fry on QI or Doctor Who. I need to distract the part of my brain that deals with language and memory ... and with less effort than that required to read and comprehend a chapter of a book. (Having said that, I still read each day, but its not something that calms me down. Rather, it is something I do when I am already calm.)
I can and do use other distractions frequently, but for me, the winner on an evening when I am feeling lonely and sad and angry that Greg had the hide to bloody well DIE on me is TV.
Am I alone in this?
I agree - my television has become a great friend - especially when I am tired of writing - but I am quite selective in my choices - loving to be transported to a different scene - I love the travel programs showing places I doubt I will visit now. Or perhaps a good play or film. Stephen Fry is a great favourite of mine also - he has a wicked sense of humour, something we need these days - take care - I enjoyed your blog.
ReplyDeleteI've been listening to audiobooks -- not serious ones, though; I'm going for humor. Think "Jeeves and Wooster."
ReplyDeleteBut yes, I absolutely need a distraction to keep my mind from circling around those thoughts that drag me down into that whirlpool.
There is a tv on nearly 24 hours a day here - it fills in the background noise that used to be part of my home when there was someone else to talk to and with. At nearly 3 years I can now sometimes sleep at night without it.
ReplyDeleteSince my husband died of a heart attack very unexpectedly, I can't read any more. I read the same sentence over and over and then put the book away. I'm not interested. I, like others here, have Widow's Brain and a bad case of "I don't care." I was a Human Resources Benefits Administrator for 500 employees and now I find that I can't remember things. The trauma of grief can only be understood by those of us who are traveling this journey basically alone except for our fellow travelers here on WV.
ReplyDeleteI am with you on this completely. I need to escape after dealing with my daily routine and the demands of 4 kids. I need to enjoy something that doesn't require effort on my brain! I get criticized for doing something so "wasteful" but without tv shows (often something I've seen before) or movies, I couldn't cope.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing quite like sitting down in front of the TV and not being required to move or think. We hardly even have to move our eyes if we don't want to. If I am lucky, I'll find a show that can distract me for a little while. Maybe TV is a crutch, but I am broken and need one until I get stronger and learn to walk again.
ReplyDeleteWell put, Jan,...exactly!
DeleteYou are absolutely not alone in this. I attended a support group for widowed people run by Hospice and over a period of about six months, approximately 30 widows expressed these same sentiments about TV (including myself). One widow watched back-to-back episodes of "Murder, She Wrote" for the entire first year after her husband died. I like to keep on the news or House and Garden TV (HGTV). HGTV seemed to be the favorite choice of widows in Thousand Oaks, CA. The two widowers in the group did not participate whenever this topic came up, so I can't speak to their views on TV in general to distract in a helpful way. You have to do what you can to keep your sanity. And those of us who suddenly are ALL ALONE need to fill an empty house with sound.
ReplyDeleteDear Amanda Thank you for your posts. I relate to you in so many ways. My husband passed in October 2010 of a heart attack and I too have two children (a boy and a girl) still in school. When my husband first passed I watched a lot of tv. He had developed heart failure after a viral infection and we were all sitting around a lot because the doctor wanted him to rest. I have sweet memories of him cuddling with my daughter watching cartoons. About a year and a half after he had gone I was really broke. We were going on a vacation, thanks to the generosity of my parents and I didn't want to pay for cable while we were gone so I took the plunge and called the satellite company and put the account on suspension. The kids were at first devastated, but eventually we all got over it. We do have internet and netflix and a serious addiction to audible books and my kindle. We are widows just keeping so many balls in the air all the time is enough of a feat. Space-out time whether you are watching crappy American reality shows or Shakespeare is necessary for sanity, so I hope your internet/cable provider keeps it together. Thanks again
ReplyDeleteI am with you also. I always have the TV because it doesn't feel like I am completely alone when it is on. It takes my mind off of my grief, if only for a short while.
ReplyDeleteI find music very healing. (My husband passed away suddenly one morning in April 2011, and my oldest daughter and her husband had a stillborn baby boy in July 2013. Yeah.) Lately I've been listening to a young group from Italy called "Il Volo." They call their music "operatic pop" and they have the most beautiful voices I've ever heard. Their music is very healing for me, and they transport me to a happy place I wouldn't trade for anything. I can't get through a day without listening to them. If anybody had told me, an "old hippie", that I would some day be loving "operatic pop" I'd have said, "Nahhh, don't think so." I am glad to be wrong.
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to this top (even if I am a man). I used to read a lot...and I mean a lot...and after my partner passed away quite suddenly 1 1/2 years ago, I find I cannot concentrate to read a book any more. It frustrates the hell out of me as I used to enjoy it so much. I have the tv on continually during the day, often not knowing (or caring) what is on...it's just background noise to fight the absolute quiet that would otherwise be so ever present. I do read my paper to keep caught up on the issues of the day (although I get frustrated by the mindless drivel that often is in the paper). I hope it will pass and that I can get back to my reading - but I find I am just not ready for it... one day at a time I guess...
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely agree! Although, the first few months after my husband passed away suddenly there were certain shows I could not watch. Obviously, those shows were the ones we watched together after the kids went off to college. 3.5 years later, I can handle those shows but usually stay away from them.
ReplyDeleteTo fight off the loneliness and grief, TV is a much better addiction than alchohol and drugs. So, bring on the criticism!
Thank you very much Amanda!
You are not alone and glad to find out I'm not either! My TV is on as soon as I come into my empty house at night. I even sleep with it on.My husband passed away in January of 2011 and I was just able to begin reading again this past summer. Still can't listen to music.And riding in the car is still hell--too much quiet--too much time to think. So watching TV helps me cope also and not feel so alone. Good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
ReplyDeleteCan't even clean my house or fold clothes. My husband passed in Sept. of 2011 and I used to keep an immaculate house. I don't care about anything anymore.
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