i decided to
tackle a package i got
from someone liz was very
close to during the
young part of her
life in the mn.
it actually arrived on
saturday.
i knew it was going to be a tough one
so i waited.
waited until i thought i
could handle it.
why i chose tuesday is
beyond me.
inside:
photos from a childhood
i didn’t know
along with a pendant
given to her by
liz
when she was 13.
liz
asked her to hold on to it
for safe keeping.
now it is madeline’s pendant.
someday she will wear it
until then, i’ll keep
it safe.
this was too much.
felt like i was going
to puke
or pass out.
had to go outside
and sit on the porch,
fresh air suppressing the vomit,
a chair keeping me from
falling to the ground
like a ton of shit.
luckily there was someone here with me,
to help me through,
to cry with me.
madeline slept through the
whole episode,
silent in her basket.
i hate this.
and i hated this day.
but i do love madeline.
and that helps.
a lot.
Matt, I know your pain. My spouse, Michael, died last September, and I often feel as though I have been through the worst part of this journey. Then his profile will pop up on Facebook, suggesting that "I leave him a note." Also, his mail continues to arrive, and every once in a whle a phone call comes in for him, and I feel like I was kicked in the gut.
ReplyDeleteI tend to seek isolation when that happens, which is not so easy with three kids knocking on my bedroom door.
The sweetness (silver lining) of this is that one day Madeline will be proudly, and lovingly, wearing her mother's pendant. Your tears will have prepared you for that day.
Dan
Dan- I also had a hard time with those all-too-friendly Facebook reminders..until I read an article about the option to memorialize the page of someone who has passed away (my 34 year old husband suddenly died exactly 6 months ago today). I can't remember the exact link..try surfing the various links once you sign in to your account, or just email them for further directions. The FB representative who helped me was very kind and quick to respond. I hope my information helps and that it becomes one less painful thing to deal with.
ReplyDeleteTake care- Connie H.
My husband of 5 years ,together 22,passed away in october of last year. Im 37 he was only 40. It was a tri coronary. Here then gone that fast. I am moving fw with a wonderful man who I believe was sent to me from God. I have a lot of great days then BAM ! It hits me. Tears come and I feel alone in my own mind. No triggers nothing just there they r. I confide in my new man as much as I can however I have disclosed soo much of the rocky past to him that sometimes it is hard 4 him to understand . He will take this as I am not ready for this ,him , yet. But I am.I found out some astonishing stuff about my husband after his death and has actually shed alot of light on some of why the past was so "crazy" but some stuff still works on my mind. All I want to do is keep living . One day at a time . All we have . Any great tips on how to get through these confusing times?
ReplyDelete