...... about the "after" me?
A friend and I were driving across town the other day and she asked me this question.
I stopped and pondered for a few seconds, but found it really quite easy to answer.
At this point in my life.
At this point in my "after".
"Almost everything.", I replied.
Of course ...... she wanted specifics.
So I started to list the things about the "after Janine" that I like:
- I'm more laid back than I was "before".
- I'm not afraid. Of anything. Anymore.
- I know that life is short and so I take nothing, nor anyone, for granted.
- I don't sweat the small stuff.
-I know what, and who, is important. And what, and who, is not.
- I don't deal with B.S. any more. Or the people who are full of it.
- I tell the people I love ...... that I love them. Often.
- I'm kinder.
- I'm more patient.
- I don't waste as much time as I did "before".
- I'm more open minded than I was "before".
- I don't judge.
- I'm more accepting, except for judgmental people who are full of B.S.
- I make room in my life for new friends.
- I have too many "after" friends to count. And yes, most (but not all) of them are widowed. And yet are here for me. No matter what. As I am for them.
- I have no room in my life for so-called-friends.
- I'm stronger than I was "before".
- I'm willing to try new things ...... new experiences.
- I'm not afraid of death.
- I'm not afraid of life.
- I'm not afraid of being alone.
- I rarely doubt myself ...... or my abilities.
- I like myself.
- I have survived. Against the odds.
She then asked me what I don't like about the "after Janine".
This list was short ...... but there were still some items.
- I'm less naive now.
- I'm generally more subdued.
- My happiness/joyfulness is still here, but it's never been as high as it was "before". Nor do I expect it to ever be that high again. Though I may be wrong.
- I'm less care-free.
- I'm more of a realist than I was "before".
- I don't want to be in a relationship again. Ever.
- I have been too "trusting" in my "after" ...... and so have trusted the wrong people.
I'm sure there are a few other things that I'm not crazy about, but it's been a long day, I'm tired, and I really do like the person I've become in my "after", though I would never have believed that ...... in my "before", or even in the first 2-3 years of my "after".
Yes, I'd give every good characteristic up in a heartbeat ...... if that would bring Jim back.
But we all know that it won't. And so I have learned to move forward, and to accept who I am and where I am.
No, I don't always like it, but I have accepted it.
So that I can move forward.
I am a different person than I was "before".
And though I'd never thought this in the beginning of my "after" ......
I like me.
And that's what counts.
:)
