Sunday, April 19, 2009

My Wedding Ring

I confess... I am an American Idol fan. I know, I know, but I love the show. So, for those of you who don't watch, this year in the finals there is a young widower named Danny Goeke. As the season has progressed I have watched Danny with interest as he grows as an artist, and I can sometimes imagine that I see him processing his grief.

In the early episodes of AI, Danny wore his wedding band. One evening I noticed he didn't have his ring on. I wondered what the impetus had been for him to take it off...personal, professional, on someones advice, or because he needed to? As I have listened to him sing, watched his awed face as he discovers he will continue on the show for another week, I always watch for signs that he is thinking of his wife. They were young maybe this was a dream they shared? Perhaps she was his biggest supporter? Or maybe not, but because he has walked the widow road, I feel I know him somehow.

So when Danny came on this week's show to sing "Endless Love," by Lionel Richie I noticed right away that he was wearing his wedding band. And I also noticed that he looked into the heavens as he sang the final words of the endless love. The performance gave me chills, and it reminded me of the power of the jewelry we wear as symbols of our love.

Today I share with you my wedding ring. I took it off four months after Phil's death because I found it so painful to look at my hand and be reminded that I was no longer a wife; my husband wasn't coming home. But as time passed I found myself taking out my ring and wearing it when I wanted to feel Phil close to me. And I still do. On the anniversary of his death I often wear my beautiful ring. Sometimes I wear it when I am afraid, other times when I want to honor our love, and still other times just because. For me, taking my wedding ring off wasn't a permanent decision. That ring is mine no matter where the person who gave it to me resides, and it will always represent the promise Phil and I made to each other.

Death did part us, but my ring~and our love~remains.

So Danny, I totally get it. And she is really proud of you.


  1. Michele, I don't watch AI, but I do get the ring thing. My husband died four months ago, the day after Christmas and I still wear my wedding rings, as well as his. Funny though, John actually gave me four wedding rings, and a beautiful blue sapphire surrounded by diamonds, and I wear all of them. I can't imagine taking them off. I feel so alone now, taking them off would only remind me that he isn't here. I know he isn't coming back, but somehow I feel he is still with me whenever I look at these gifts from him. I am hurt and reminded of my loss whenever someone comments on my rings, which is almost daily. When someone does comment I always make sure they know what a wonderful man I had. Maybe some day they will come off, but I don't see that for a very long time. I read where one widow wore her wedding rings on her first date. Pretty sure that will be me, and then again, maybe not, how can you find another when you've already had the best? Lorry

  2. Lorry and Michelle, You have both touched my heart. My husband also died the day after Christmas Lorry and now with it 2 yrs. 4 months later I still wear my rings. I tried to take them off but it did not feel right so back on they went. I have no interest what so ever in another relationship so why not wear them and feel the comfort of our love. It is definitely an individual thing. We all need to do what makes us feel better.

  3. I think it was well over 6 months before I took off my wedding ring, was one of the hardest things I've done...felt really sad, felt really alone. I still have our wedding rings in a box, not sure what to do with them. Sensible me says, give them away, or melt them down and make something else but sentimental me keeps them in their box.


  4. That design seems to be very classy. I am very much impressed with the design. Really too good. I love that. I always prefer wearing tungsten rings, since that is one of my favorite metal.

  5. I understand where you are coming from. When my grandma died a couple of years ago, I remember that my grandfather did not wear his wedding band days after her funeral. He told me that every time that he saw the ring, it reminded him of Grandma. Last week, when we visited grandpa to tell him that Mark and I are engaged, (I showed him my engagement ring that Mark bought in a known jeweler, Indianapolis) I noticed that he's wearing the ring again. Truly, time heals all wounds; I believe that he'll cherish her memories forever.

    Thanks, for sharing your stories. I enjoyed reading your post!

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  7. My husband passed away over a year ago and there has not been a day that I didn't miss him. I feel closer to him wearing them and I don't plan to take them off as I still feel married to him and always will. I have no interest in another relationship because I know I could never have a better one that I have had. My husband never had his wedding ring off his finger except when he had heart surgery and he was buried with it on his hand.

  8. the wedding rings....we were married 30 years...his death was expected... for 10 long painful years.... even died in a dialysis chair once..... God seen fit to bring him back to me for 6 more months....wore my rings every day and every night... just as when he was alive....never planned on a new relationship... but God had other plans... God sent me a wonderful man.. I was still young...(married very young to begin with)... always still wore my rings.... finally one day, God had a talk with me.... it was a gentle fatherly talk.... he reminded me that he had gave me a great love to spend time with, raise kids.... have a wonderful 30 years..... but He had other plans for me... God gave me a second wonderful man to spend my life with.... God let me know that it was hurting the heart of my new man.... even though he never said anything to me.....told you he was great.... imagine... most women can't have one good husband.... this is my second... ain't that just like God.... so one day when my new feller came to visit.... I had told him I removed my rings and was ready to accept what God had sent my way.... before he came over.... I had a very special time with God and memories of my loving deceased husband...... but now was a time to start LIFE...LIVING again.... we married.... started life... and did we start life... we began fostering kids.... adopted some... loved many..... and the rings from the past..... my daughter in law ask to melt them together with her and my sons rings to remind her daily that.... marriage truly can last til death do we part....