"There"

I went there.

My craft studio.

It's been untouched for 29 months. When I moved, my mom and sister in law had to pack it. Because I couldn't step foot into it. The unfinished projects, unfinished memories, were far too much for my little brain to handle.

It's all still boxed up from when I moved over a year ago. The studio has become a dump all / avoid at all costs - room.

I haven't had the emotional power to even put my fingers into the unfinished projects.

The unfinished memories.

I went in there looking for supplies for a project me and some local widow friends were doing yesterday.

We made dream boards.

Dream Board my widow friend made

As I was digging through the boxes, I found my unfinished wedding album.

The album I was working on when Seth died.

The album he nagged me about finishing for 5 years. (Silly him, he didn't realize one page took me hours or even months, because it had to be perfect!)

The same album I almost cremated with Seth when he died.

I haven't seen or touched my wedding album in 29 months.

While looking at my wedding album, I realized my "new" bedroom has the same theme as my wedding album. Victorian theme.

Same colors, same designs.

I didn't realize both my bedroom and wedding album were themed the same. Funny how the brain works. I loved the Victorian theme in my wedding album, so why not my bedroom? And before I realize it, I have made my bedroom to match my wedding album. Thanks brain.

I also didn't realize how much monarch butterfly stuff I have. For anyone that doesn't know, the monarch is the one thing I swear Seth sends to me.

It's almost like I knew about the butterflies before his death. So I was "stocking up" on monarch butterfly stuff. Just in case, of course.

Talk about future, past and present.

I haven't touched my hobbies since Seth died, other then my photography.

While going through the boxes - I realized I miss my craft studio. At our house, I had an amazing craft studio, that Seth built for me. I was always working on multiple projects at a time, and always had all of my projects spread out. I would get stuck on one project, so I would work on another, and return to the original project later.

I miss doing my oil painting. I miss the way the old me processed things. I miss making home made cards. I miss scrapbooking my memories. I miss attempting to sew (I am horrible at sewing). I miss making everyone's Christmas presents.

I miss disappearing into my studio to sort through some sort of mental frustration. My hands would be busy working on a project, but they would also be busy on working on what was on my mind.

Busy hands = Clear brain

I have a desk in my garage for my craft studio that has just been sitting there since October. It's a desk that is made just for crafting.

The desk has just sat there. Staring at me. Reminding me that my car can't go in the garage, and sits out in the snow, because I refuse to venture into the craft studio.

I realized I have been missing my hobbies. I realized I am sick of avoiding that room. I am sick of scraping snow off my car.

So I set some goals.

My 1 month goal - Get the desk moved into my craft studio, and at least get the boxes sorted into separate piles. Painting, paper crafts, photography, the list is long. So I can handle unboxing one box and one hobby at a time.

Gives me time to process what is no longer a important hobby to me.

Time to accept that some of the things I used to love, died with Seth.

My 1 year goal - Finish my wedding album and finish the oil painting I was working on when Seth died.

((Deep breath)) Here I go!

Into the light

 *

I have not been very happy lately.

It's been no secret.

There's no real reason (aside from the obvious dead-husband / life is awful thing).
...and as I've done before in times of stress, I turned to Pinterest.
...and I pin things that I think are funny or creative or yummy or fun or sarcastic or just plain awesome.

....and I while away an hour or so just looking at beauty and dreaming.

...and I think I have managed to pull myself out of the funk I have been in since death-week at the start of March. 
I've written about the Uncommon Therapy I get from photography before, and this burst of creativity has  helped my mood. 

Inspiration came in many ways:

1. My Year 1s and I created the most amazing canvas for the school art show.  Ours is by far the best.  The inspiration came from a Pinterest board on kid's art.
2.  I brushed up my photography skills and took some amazing portraits of a friend's children during the week.  ...and for once I was able to get that tricky back-lit light RIGHT due to a few tips I found a link to from a Pinterest pin - Huzzah!
3. I made brownies from a recipe I found on Pinterest.  (Kinda sabotaged my weight loss for the week though so will have to look into that).
4. ...and my garden is looking great due to pure inspiration I gleaned from looking at photos of garden pron on Pinterest.

I'm touching wood as I type, but barring having the Universe rain crap on me for a while ..... I think I am emerging from my apathy towards life.

No promises, but I hope it continues to work.....

(* Apologies for the crappy photo - school camera with approximately .5 of a second to get the shot and on auto setting ... will try to get a decent one on my camera later).