Hell week

So this week of the third sadiversary was always going to be bad.
But it  was BAD.

I think we would have been OK but for the weather.  We have been drenched in over 200mm of rainfall (8 inches) in the past week.
Roads were flooded (not ours) and the problem of ground water seeping into my house (that I spent thousands fixing two years ago) resurfaced.

The day itself was sombre - my 8yo son H sobbed all the way to the cemetery then didn't want to leave.  K (10yo) flew into hysterics at the drop of a hat.  I bossed everyone around.

My head went back to that first day of knowing.  I NEEDED to be at the cemetery at the exact time of his death..... but  after a rough night and waking late, I knew it wasn't going to happen.  So I stressed.  So everybody else fed on the stress.

We had planned a lunch at a local cafe.  I wasn't hungry and ordered food I couldn't eat when I should have caved to the day and ordered hot, salty chips with tomato sauce instead of the salad I ordered.   With a chocolate milk.  Or had pancakes and hot chocolate like the kids.

Then it started raining.
and raining.
 And it didn't stop.

...and the water came in.

...and I swept and swept and swept and then swept some more.


....and I broke.

...and then a 10 year old girl told me she loved me.

....and she picked up a broom and started sweeping out water.

....and I knew we would be OK.  ....together.

Happy Unbirthday

Not our picnic, but one nearby.

Last  Saturday, we had a picnic for Greg's Should Have Been 50th birthday.

In a miracle of the Climate Gods, the weather was perfect even though it had rained solidly for the weeks beforehand and every day since (and up to 150mm / 6 inches last night alone).

I am glad we did it.

I'd forgotten who I'd invited, so as more and more people turned up, I was genuinely surprised and glad to see them.  Old friends and workmates gathered and remembered in just the sort of relaxed chat-fest that was Greg's style.

I saw some people who came to the funeral and then disappeared so I'm hoping that this has reset their minds so they know they can talk to me. 

The kids had a great time and I enjoyed seeing everyone.

But by the next day I was a wreck....

...and then today I walked downstairs to find my garage and store room sitting in 2 inches of (thankfully clean) water.

and I broke.

I feel like I'm 100 years old, everything is heavy, I am so tired, the kids are moody and I don't feel like doing anything.
...except I have had to throw away waterlogged things and try to move things out of the water.

I want to sleep for a week.

Yep - death week is here :(

... but I know it will pass and while I don't expect things to be "good", I know they will be OK again.