I have known for a while I suffer from widow brain. Can’t
find my keys, barely remember what day it is or what my name is. I have looked
for my car keys for twenty minutes only to find they were in my hand.. the
whole time. I have to set reminders in my phone from things like taking my
sleeping pill to grab my lunch out of the fridge before leaving for work. I
have to have a reminder for everything.
Lately I have noticed a new side effect of widowhood. I
guess it goes along the lines of widow brain. Maybe I have always had it and I’m
just becoming more aware of my “issues.”
I can be talking to someone and a smell, sound or memory
side tracks me. I check out. It’s like I step out of my body all together. The
noise around me stops. All I can hear is my thoughts. While I can see the
person I was talking to still talking to me, I can’t hear them or comprehend
what they are saying.
I check out and go down memory lane. I leave the person
talking while I take my brain elsewhere.
The memories start clicking before my eyes. Noise,
smells, memories, it’s like an old projector playing a movie of my life. Bits
and pieces of my life. Jumbled together, skipping from scene to scene and back
again.
Eventually my check out stops. The noise around me comes whooshing
back and I can hear the conversation again.. but I have no clue what they just
talked about.
I’m sure I just stare at them with a blank face, not
realizing I am looking at them, because I can only see the movie of my life in
front of my eyes.
I find myself asking people to repeat themselves constantly
and I can tell some people grow frustrated with me.
I have been trying to stop checking out when I am with
someone. But it seems to be an automatic thing my brain does. There seems to be
no control over it.
I have accepted I can’t control it.. so I’m taking the other
side of things.
If you are with a widow and they seem to have checked out in
middle of a conversation, here’s some tips.
First – Stop talking. Don’t take it personal. They are trapped
behind a movie screen of their life and have no control over what is flashing
in front of their eyes. Just stop talking and let them be checked out for a
while.
When they come back, ask if they are okay.
Then start your conversation over and act like the check out
never happened.
Don’t blame them for not being present. Don’t tell them they
aren't listening.
Please be patient with people that are suffering from widow
brain and checking out. While it is frustrating to you, it’s even more
frustrating to the person that is widowed.
Please remember we have no control over what our brain
automatically does. As much as we like to think we have it under control, the
truth is most the time we don’t realize we have nothing under control.
