Today would be my 9th wedding anniversary with
Jeremy.
Instead of spending that day in memory of him, I have to
sort through issues concerning someone who has hurt a lot of other people in
their path with their selfishness and manipulation. While I didn’t actually
have a ‘to-do’ list for today, I can tell you this wasn’t on it.
But what I’ve noticed about grief and injustice is that they
elevate each other, and can sometimes come together is a not-so-pretty package.
This injustice I have to deal with is magnified because life doesn’t get put on
hold for my grief. Not only is this unjust, but it’s injustice on a day that I
should get to take a break?!? How dare life work that way. Life keeps pushing
forward even though Jeremy should be here. I held my breath when Jeremy died
and waited for the rest of the world to do the same. But it didn’t. I was
devastated.
And because I was in grief, everything felt unjust: The way
Jeremy died, the timing of his death, the situation I was left in, other
families getting to enjoy each other while I had to suffer, fathers getting to
hold their babies, old people holding hands – when would the injustice end?
Every corner I turned, someone had something that I lost.
If Jeremy taught me anything in 7 ½ years of marriage, it
was to love fiercely. The world doesn’t revolve around me or my needs and I
should cherish every blessing I have the opportunity to be a part of. Even when
the world is unjust and people get by with things they shouldn’t, or when
people get to celebrate 9 years of marriage with their spouses when I never
will with Jeremy – that doesn’t mean the world will stop. And it doesn’t mean I
can’t be thankful I got to have at least that many years with an incredible
man.
In the meantime, I will take the time I need to take today
to think about Jeremy (not that I haven’t been every day anyway) and what my
life with him meant to me. No amount of injustice can take that away. I will
grieve, I will remember, I will be thankful, I will cherish those around me
that I love, and I will pray for justice.
Happy Anniversary, my love.
I miss you dearly.
You word ring so true with me. we must live on to honor those we loved, because this is what they want for us.
ReplyDeleteHappy Anniversary!! unfortunately those who haven't walked this walk (not that we want them to) don't really know what to do with days like today...I hope that your sweet memories of Jeremy bring a smile to your face and knowing that you are loved brings peace to your heart.
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ReplyDeleteI felt the same way, I still do to a degree.. Seeing all these fathers with their kids... And my kids don't get to grow up with that...seeing happy old couples and being envious at what they got. When at 24, I turned into a widow. But, I also knew right away that I was very fortunate to have him in my life for 6 years. He taught me so many wonderful things and helped shape the person I am, and have me morals and values I didn't have growing up. And I have been so lucky to meet some very amazing people who are ready there for me anytime. :)
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