Perspective ....

..... is in the eye of the beholder, is it not?

This picture was from our last vacation.  The last day of our last vacation to be exact.  In June of 2007.  Six months before Jim died.

It was a "different" vacation for us.  A different perspective.  Only half of our children were able to go.  The three girls were working that summer and could not go.  So although it was a "family" vacation ..... it was different.

     In two days my two youngest boys and I will take our "first" vacation (not to worry .... I have family staying here to keep track of the livestock).  Our first since Jim's death.  (I do not count the cruise that we took the day after his funeral as a vacation ..... we were escaping Christmas and home .... not vacationing.  By a long shot.)

     So it will be three of us this year.  A very different perspective.  Them .... and me.  Not even half of our family.

It will be bittersweet.

I predict at times ..... more bitter than sweet.

But I hope at times ..... more sweet than bitter.

And much of that will have to do with my perspective.

It's strange how your perspective can change in the blink of an eye.  

Or ..... in the beat of a heart.

It's not always under your control.

Not at all.

I must admit that as of late, my perspective has been a bit ..... murky.

To put it mildly.

But I am going to try to choose, as much as I can, to have a clearer one this next week.  

In spite of the bitter.  

In spite of the waves that I know await me out there.

In spite of the times I will be lonely while the boys are out having fun.

In spite of the many, many families that will be surrounding us.

I will try to focus on the boys.

I will try to think of Jim being there with us, wanting us/me to have a good time.

I will try to see things the way Jim would want me to see them .... the way he would have seen them.

I will try.

I will not always succeed in changing my perspective.

But maybe, just maybe ..... I can tweak it just a bit.

And that will be enough.

For now.