Saturday, September 19, 2009

Flashlight in Hand

After Michael was killed, people I had known nearly my whole life seemed to drop like flies, one by one. The calls came less and less and with each meet up it seemed like bricks had been laid that separated me from them more and more. The lack of understanding, the not knowing what to do, or just the not wanting to know what I was going through, were a few of the many reasons I believe they evaporated from my life.

There were times where I found myself with no one to turn to. Or those that were left to turn too, I made sure not to share too much, in fear that when they saw my reality they would disappear too. It wasn't until I met some of my dear widow friends that I learned the true depth and the many levels of what a friend can be. I was not scared to face my future in knowing that when the darkness came creeping my way I would have others around with a flashlight to lead me out.

It's been over 2 years and people still come and go and every time I make ot form a new friendship there is an inkling of fear that they may disappear without a trace. But I have been taught that whether they are there one day or there a lifetime they each have helped me take a step forward and have guided me through tunnels of despair I never thought I'd get out of. More importantly, there are the friendships that have taught me that they will never be far away, no matter the distance or the different paths we take. They are the people who are there for me when the tears come, but more importantly there to enjoy this journey we each our individually taking. They are the friends that help me build my own flashlight in the times when they couldn't be there to shine their own.

No matter what paths we may be on or how along the widowhood journey we have traveled, all disappears when it comes to those true friendships, for if they are true, none of that will matter, for it is those friends who celebrate your heart's calling, for they know you are cheering them on along on there's.

From telephone calls to meet ups in person, I'm excited to share what great memories the past has brought me, what is up and down in my present, and all I have to look forward to in the future. They celebrate what strength I have been able to attain from my soul mate, and encourage and lift me up in a nonchalant way on the down turns that sneak up when we least expect it.

I have been hurt, as all of us have of the bonds that may have broke too soon, but there will be those friends that come into your life that make you forget it ever happened, and for that I am forever grateful.

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.
~Elisabeth Foley

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