It's a funny thing.
The breaking of the shell that once encased a broken heart.
A shell that unveils a stronger, more resilient heart....person...life.
No longer protected by the bitterness and loathing of what occurred, you find yourself open and vulnerable to the elements of a life you're ready to live.
With that comes some of life's irritants; insecurity, doubt and apprehension.
Today, while sharing in these struggles of living fully, a dear friend stated something so poignant, moving and true.
She mentioned how someone told her how ill-equipped she was to be doing what she was, yet she was beyond successful and living a life by her terms. She didn't meet the "per-requisites" of what usually must be done to reach that state of life, yet she was doing so at a level beyond most.
She told me that to ensure me that what I was doing and how I was living was more than enough.
She made me realize that I am ill-equipped for the norm. For the anticipated. For the path taken by most.
But it made me realize that I was equipped for the extraordinary. The unexpected. The path least taken.
With that comment and my realization, I smile.
Smile as I stand bright-eyed and bushy-tailed towards all the elements that are bound to cross a soul wide-open to life's experiences. A life that was never equipped for the anticipated. A life that proudly takes in the unknown.
And hell, I look forward to every second of it!
My husband was killed in a collision while cycling in August of 2011. The driver was found at fault by the investigating detective, an accident reconstruction expert. She wasn't charged by the DA. She had lunch with my husband's boss, an elected official, during the investigation, and she says he gave her details of the investigation that he got from the original police department. She was questioned during the investigation and gave answers she got from the elected official. The DA who did not charge her knew of this lunch. The whole thing seemed corrupt or illegal to me, so I complained my way up to every person I could find. I told newspapers and nobody would report on it. I thought something like this would be a story, but I guess the papers are not what they used to be. In any case, this consumed my life for two years. I used to be a boring housewife, then suddenly I am in front of city and county meetings, asking people to help. I no longer related to my suburban housewife life or the people around me. I missed my husband to the point I didn't really want to be here anymore. I felt betrayed by my government, because quite frankly I was. I don't really want to live in a system that could let this happen. But I couldn't go anywhere, I have three kids who need me, even if I am not the mother I used to be. So, now, I can't be conventional, it all seems like a front. I figure if I am stuck here I will try to figure out what I want to live like, not what I am supposed to live like. So thank you for this post, because maybe whatever life I am going to have can be "extraordinary", even though it is the path I did not want and I would give anything if I could exchange it for the ordinary life I used to have.
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