I have report cards due in the next few weeks.
Work is hectic as we finish up assessing where the kids are at.
Home is stressful as my own kids finish off assessments that their teacher need to assess (but DON'T get me started on teachers who allow assessments to be done at home in primary school and just how many parent's are earning their kids' grades).
I am busy pretty much all of the time right now.
....and while I am not stressed (at this stage), I am also so busy that I have not had any time to just sit and miss him.
I feel distant from him, when I had been feeling like he was so connected to us that I could almost feel him next to me. I had been just starting conversations with him when I was alone, feeling like it was not a one-sided thing.
....and I need to get that feeling back before I crash and burn later....
I need to remind myself that I was (am) loved by the most remarkable man.
A man who I trusted with my heart and soul.
A man whose love for me was bigger than anything I can imagine.
So on the weekend, I will make a time between marking report cards and cleaning the house where I can go outside, sit in the sunshine and just be with my memories of Greg.
Where I can feel his hand on my shoulder and his whisper in my ear and remind myself that I am still loved.
Thank you for saying exactly how i feel... Sometimes I just dont understand how someone so wonderful and such a hugh part of our lives can no longer be here and we are left behind in the aftermath of loss. The thought of not having my love here is overwhelming and I guess we are blessed in some sick way that we are kept busy with our daily lives. I miss my husband terribly and my life will never be the same!
ReplyDeleteAmanda, I know how you (and everyone reading this blog) feels. I started crying in the dog food aisle of the grocery store last night! It was 18 months ago Sunday that my husband suddenly passed away, leaving me and our two daughters (now ages 20 & 16). They both keep busy with school and activities and I'm still dealing with a lot of the financial and legal matters involved after the death of a spouse. I thought I was doing "fine" until I was reaching for a bag of dog food and I said something such as "Oreo likes this kind of food now" and then it hit me that my husband was not standing beside me, and will never be again. Thinking of you this week.
ReplyDeleteAmanda, thank you as well for saying how I feel! I am overwhelmed with house chores, work related, kids stuff, etc. all because my wonderful husband was taken away. I get angry when a simple chore of starting the lawnmower takes me extra time because I don't have the strength to start it on the first attempt. All these added pressures take me away from doing what you so beautifully describe. It doesn't seem fair at all.
ReplyDeleteThank you again for your honesty.