Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Purging ....

.... is rather a "loaded" word, is it not?

Those of you who follow my blog or me on Facebook know that I have spent a lot of time over the last few weeks purging and organizing my home .... and my attic.  I find that I get the urge to purge about 2 or 3 times a year, and when that urge hits .... I just go with it.  Quickly.  And I work like a mad man woman until the urge leaves.   Everything from inside the house and attic now sits in the garage.  Well, everything but the trash, which I purged from the garage for 5 1/2 hours yesterday.  Now the rest is ready for donating.
Although I found another closet today (which is now cleaned out and organized!) and some cabinets that still need to be hit.

As I thought about what to write about for this post the word "purging" came to mind.  Of course it's been in my mind, and many FB updates, for a while now.
But I thought of it differently today.
I realized that every week I purge myself when I write my Wednesday post here.
And, like the purging of my home, the purging of my heart here is a good thing.  It helps me.
And sometimes it helps others.

When I purge here I think I get rid of a lot of "junk" that's in my heart and then I have more room for some nicer things.
We all have a lot to purge, don't we?
I'm very glad that we have each to purge on (that brings to mind a disgusting image, doesn't it? Sorry!).
But really, I can take your purging.
And I know that you can take mine.
Not everyone can, you know.

Most people are not in the same club we're in.
Lucky, lucky them.

I found that many people could take my purging in the early days.  But that ability seems to wane after a couple of months or so .... at least for what seems to be the majority of the population.
It's ironic that as our friends' ability to take it fades, our need to purge grows.
In the beginning we're too shocked to know what to do, let alone how to react, what to say, what not to say ..... and who to say or not say it to.

But then we get a bit stronger, though we seem to feel weaker .... and worse.  And we begin to purge.  Hopefully we find someone upon whom we can purge.  But young/youngish widowed people are difficult to find.  And if we don't find one, we most likely will find ourselves purging upon the wrong person/people.

So again ..... I'm glad you're here.
I'm glad I'm here.
Well ..... not glad in the sense that we all have a reason to be here but ..... you know what I mean.

And that's exactly my point.


  1. You so hit the nail on the head - I am feeling the urge to purge again. As the 2 year mark looms ahead next month I still haven't finished closets and drawers. A lot is done but not all.
    There is that ever-present feeling that finishing it means I have made my husband not exist - I know that is not true in my rational brain and that they are "things" but......
    The other side of the argument is my intense desire to live more simply of late.

  2. Perfectly said. After 12 months, I wish I had someone to purge to, but friends and family just don't want to listen to it anymore. So thanks for purging and being "purged to" It makes us all feel better to, just as you said, clean up to allow room for the good things.

  3. Patti,
    I feel much the same as you. My husband died only 2 months ago and as I am going through the business of widowhood (household accounts, bank know the drill) I feel as though I am "erasing" him off the planet. I have tried to explain this thought process to others, I'm glad to know I'm not crazy!!

    There is much purging going on in my home also, but more so because at the time of Steve's death our house was under a HUGE renovation. Now that process seems even more more simple would be much easier...after all, given the circumstances, it is "just stuff"


  4. I too agree that many people/friends are sick of hearing about how much I miss my husband. So, I purge in silence. I purge when I listen to our music, I purge when I sit down and look at pictures. I miss him....

  5. So true!I long time ago in this process of purging. I decided that I would take my time purging my life of my late husband's things, keeping only the things that really menat something to me and my daughter's. We have been taking our time so we do not act to rashly and do not regret getting rid of things that we will want later. But in the beginning, I gave away things to those special people in my husband's life who could appreciate the objects for what they are and for where they came from, my husband. I gave each of his siblings and his friends something that would be special to them, It made me feel good and it would mean that he would be remembered each time they used it.

  6. Today is the second anniversary of Michael's death. I too am in the process of purging my house. I have been doing so for several months, partly because the roof leaked and I had a flood. I have discovered that it really is a sort of spiritual excavation. At first I thought the exercise was to organize and declutter, but then as my bedrooms were being repainted and carpeted and all the 'stuff' of 31 years of marriage and 3 kids was piled in the living room and garage, I realized that it is a process that cannot be rushed. I even decided to sleep on the couch amongst all the stuff because having it there comforted me. Initially, I hired a professional organizer to help me (the job is too big for the amount of time that friends can give me or that I'm prepared to ask for), but I can see that I must do the work myself to honor my old life and move forward into this new life. Today, however, I simply went to his grave with flowers, talked to my kids, and wished that at least one of my Facebook widow friends had responded to my post that today was the day. And so year three begins....