I'm fresh back from a wonderful week of vacation (thanks Chris for guest blogging last week - great post!!). I went on a cruise and visited three tropical islands. By odd coincidence, the stop in St. Thomas fell on Daniel's 41st birthday. This coincidence is only odd because St. Thomas was one of his favorite places, and I'd never been there. We'd intended to go together, but as life would have it, we ran out of time. When I found out our port on his birthday was in St. Thomas....I decided it was density - I mean destiny :) I was psyched. I remember Daniel telling me about Magen's bay and how beautiful it was, so we booked an excursion to the spot. Before you actually go to the beach, the tour takes you to Drake's Seat, which overlooks the bay (picture above). It was a breathtaking view, but that was to be expected. What was unexpected was the intense feeling of borrowing a memory from Daniel for a moment. I was struck by the idea that for just a moment I was seeing something only he'd seen.
It might not sound that incredible, but we started dating at 16, and neither of us had a lot of adult memories that didn't include the other - this memory was one we did not share. I have his photos of the trip, and his journal that he kept of it, but I've not seen it for myself. Sitting at the lookout and staring down into the bay was like a short trip down Daniel's memory lane - like looking into the Pensieve in Harry Potter and pulling out a specific memory belonging to someone else. I was sad for moment, but mostly wistful. It would have been great to have been a part of that memory, not just a borrower of it.
I was on vacation, so I made a memory or two of my own. Magen's bay did not disappoint, and swimming in the clear Caribbean water and laying on the beautiful white sand was a fantastic way to spend an afternoon. It was the perfect spot to be on that day, and I'm glad destiny brought me there. Happy birthday Daniel Dippel, it sucks that you couldn't be here to celebrate it, but somehow I feel like you managed to celebrate somewhere anyway.
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteYour post gives me hope, that some day the two things can be combined in a way that is liveable - the grief and poignant sadness of not having our loved ones with us and the ability to still see the beauty and the joy all around us. I love that - because we have to carry on.
Thank you for sharing.
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI too will be "borrowing a memory" (perfect, thanks) of my husband's when I travel to Europe this summer. I have been feeling guilty, like I shouldn't go there without him, as it was planned as an "our" trip. Your post put it into perspective for me, and for that I thank you.
My grandparents lived in St. Thomas for many years...and I was fortunate enough to get to spend summers with them...I recognized that photo of Magen's Bay the minute I saw it...brings back memories of when I was 17. I'm gad you finally got to go see one of Daniel's favorite places, and I'm sure he was there in spirit.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I met in high school at 16 and 17, and we dated for 6 years and were married for 40 years before he died. His death was such a huge loss for me, because we had such a long shared history that was uniquely ours. This is a wonderful, safe place, because I can cry as I write this 2 1/2 yrs out. I miss him so much and love him so much and still have so much sadness inside me because he is gone. You all know. You all understand. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteI have almost that same picture .... from our honeymoon .... a long time ago.
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Sounds like an excellent way to spend his birthday. Last May was the first bday without my husband. I was kind of lost that day because I didn't know what to do to mark it, definitely felt that any kind of celebration was inappropriate. I don't know what I'll do this May either. It's a void that I'm not sure how to fill, after so many years of having that date being a special event on the calendar and then...not. Does anyone have any suggestions?
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I have not been able to do is to go to places Len and I went to together like Cannon Beach or Puerta Vallerta. I will go to places that we talked about, but to go to places that have memories of both of us it very difficult. We talked about Belize a lot, so that might be my next trip.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to read this. It has only been a little over 9 months since my husband passed at the age of 41 making me a 37 year old widow. As ebveryone here nows my world has been flipped around a few times and as I begin to move forward on my own it is like starting all over in a new life. Sometimes it feels good and sometimes it just sucks. I talk to my husband everyday and I know he is taking care of me. we were togetger 18 years, married 8 of those so being without him physically is really tough. I lost my best friend and moving on is so hard. It helps me so much to know that others understand this and are dealing with it. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteKeri Hakan
To anon above. My husband's b'day is close to Christmas, so I write a tribute to him on FB and send it out to family, and we usually all celebrate his life by contibuting money to the Salvation Army kettles, because he cared about the poor.Then we all have some kind of chocolate ice cream in his memory, as he loved ice cream. I make a plan to be with family on his birthday, and we go out to dinner and share our memories of him. We do make his birthday a celebration of him. Hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteAnon above..thank you so much for sharing. You have excellent suggestions for marking the birthdays, this is very helpful!
ReplyDeleteThat was ABSOLUTELY beautiful Mick! Thanks for sharing. I was just ALL tears sitting at my desk. I should read your blog posts from home from now on!! :) What a beautiful thing to stand in a place he once stood and relive that moment.
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