.... is a month to remember?
Truth be told, it wasn't all that difficult.
All I did was agree to have surgery today.
And then, to make it even MORE memorable .... I agreed to have my middle son's wisdom teeth extracted.
Today.
Yes, as in .... today, the 14th of December ..... both procedures.
I guess that's one way to ring in the "death day" of my husband (which really isn't until Sunday, the 18th).
No, this might not be the smartest move, but it's all about timing.
I need to have sinus surgery.
I've spent way too many years not being able to breathe properly.
My deductible has been met.
The year is almost over and the adding up of the deductible will begin again.
My son's wisdom teeth have started to cause him problems.
He leaves for the Marines in less than 4 weeks.
We have time for him to have this done and heal before he leaves.
It's all in the timing.
And mostly ..... the timing of anything in December pretty much stinks.
The fact that both of these procedures were scheduled on the same day is just .... what it is.
We didn't plan it.
I'd rather not be out cold, having surgery while my son is also out cold.
But .... it is what it is.
I cannot be in two places at once.
I cannot be two parents.
I cannot be where I want to be.
And that stinks.
So one of my daughters will be with my son.
And some one who loves me very much will be with me.
No, it's not the same.
But life isn't always about being the same.
Or getting what we want.
Or good timing.
But it can be about making the most out of what we do get.
So I'm thankful that one of my daughters was able to come home and play "nurse".
And I'm thankful that I have someone in my life who cares enough to deal with me and the aftermath of a broken and re-formed septum. Ugh.
My life has not gone the way I had planned .... the way I had hoped.
But I am learning to readjust my ideas of timing.
Some days I'm a very slow learner.
Some days I do more kicking and screaming than learning.
But I hope those days are becoming fewer.
Because, for better or worse, this is my life.
And is spite of what I planned .... I have been blessed.
I am blessed.
And the next time I write to you .... I'll have the four year mark behind me.
And hopefully, I'll be breathing easier.
In more ways than one.
I can relate to this so much, I have spent alot of time wish for thee life I could no longer had. So I have begun again to create a new life. I have also learned that I can be grateful and not be totally happy. That is ok right now, I will find my way to joy and happiness again at some point if I just put on foot in front of the other and move forward.
ReplyDeleteDearest Janine, In May I will be 4 years out. first thing in the morning I find myself at WV reading words of wisdom to give me strength, hope and ideas regarding what this new life (after)can look like. What I just wrote is so "not where I want to be" Pondering how if ever? It is difficult to manage as solo parent knowing how everything would be so different if spouses were still alive.
ReplyDeleteI(along with other WV readers) will be thinking of you and your son,daughter and friend helping. Hope we can be your virtual fill in the blank "Contact" in case of emergency call. I hate those blanks on forms...strength to you when filling them out today- we all know what names we wish we were filling in.
It has helped me to have the awareness of "It Is What It is" (my favorite get me through the moment...quote -repetitive mantra in my head.
Today thanks to your post I have gained some more useful ones to draw strength from "Life isn't always about being the same. Or getting what we want.Or good timing"
This covers so very much of what I angst over....teaching my kids to always know this and to remember it often will help them as well to grieve, accept and keep moving forward..such a pure true focal point...when they do not have a father that is living....when so many around them seem to have such different lives because their dads are still here.
What An Amazing Woman You are...Grateful for your Sharing. I look forward to next posting of yours. (((hugs))) for speedy recoveries for you both. ((hugs)) for your daughter and loving friend!
Bless you, Janine. I hope today went as anticipated with both procedures. Treat yourself kindly in the next few days, especially on 12/18. You are a survivor, and like Stacey said, an amazing woman to share with all of us. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteIt helps to know if you can do it, so can I.