Thursday, October 4, 2012

social media, grief, and letting go...

It's taken me 4 months, 1 week, and 5 days to do it....

I finally changed my Facebook status to 'married to Steve Cunningham' instead of 'married to Jeremy King'. 

I realize that this was well overdue. I also realize in most circumstances, this probably would seem very strange, but for some reason, this was a very difficult change for me to make. Steve and I had talked about it many times - he didn't want to push me to do anything I wasn't ready to do, and I didn't feel right changing it OR leaving it the same. I even needed to make sure I ran it by Jer's mom first, to make sure she knew it was coming and to just hear that it was ok to feel so much stress about this silly little change.

The truth is, this was a new facet of grief I hadn't faced yet. And though it seems simple enough, it was hard for me to publicly admit that I am no longer Jeremy's wife (yes, I know I will always be his wife, but I can't be on FB anymore). I am so proud to be Steve's wife, but announcing that in a silly social network forum meant letting go in some weird way of Jeremy. It also meant that people looking for our story wouldn't easily find Jeremy on Facebook through me and visa versa. But knowing Steve had spent his previous marriage in a relationship with someone who didn't even want to acknowledge him, I knew it was important for Steve to understand how much I adore him and how honored I am to be his wife. And Facebook won't let me be married to them both (I know, the nerve!)

Sometimes I really hate letting go. But as Taryn so beautifully stated in her earlier post this week, "it isn't this horrible phrase consisting of forgetting those you love more than allows you to love them even more and grasp the immense amount of love still out there " 

I am here today because of the love Jeremy taught me, and I get the privilege of paying that fierce love forward in my relationship with Steve. So, I continue to love Jeremy more while grasping the immense love I have now. That is a decision I feel good about.

And I can't help but wonder if grief before social networks was a little less complicated...


  1. Great post. I have felt similar to what you mention here.

    "I am here today because of the love Jeremy taught me, and I get the privilege of paying that fierce love forward in my relationship with Steve." SO SO perfect! I have to remind myself that Mike taught me how to love so honestly that I can recognize and give that to Nick.

    Thanks for that!

  2. Steve is an incredible person to understand and allow you to grieve in the most natural and prolonged way. It's all individual and we grieve openly or under the surface, either way we grieve and being open can be the most healthy way.

  3. Thank you for sharing. I still haven't let go of Carl on Facebook and I don't feel ready whatsoever, but I have wondered what goes through others' heads regarding this. It was enlightening, I'm sure that just like Steve made room for Jeremy, Jeremy will be ok with making room for Steve.