|Me at Camp Widow West 2012|
But I made a promise to him the day we got married. Little did I know death would be so soon, and I didn't know that death does not end my love and commitment to Seth. Tell death do us part, does not stop YOUR love.
I have kept my story locked up in my soul for two years too long.
I have learned to ask for help.
And asking for help doesn't make me a weak person.
I have learned the world doesn't stop, when it should.
It doesn't stop and let me catch my breathe, or let me get back on my feet.
The world keeps turning.
Tomorrow always comes.
I have learned to pat myself on the back, when my only accomplishment for the day is getting out of bed and going to work.
I have learned to congratulate myself with each passing death anniversary, wedding anniversary and birthdays. After all, I made it through those.
I have learned to be proud of where I am in my journey. Even when I feel like I should be further ahead.
I have learned I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my grief.
And I can't rush through it, even though I try.
I have learned to say no.
I have learned that sometimes staying in bed really is the best decision for a certain day.
I have learned to be selfish.
There are a lot of dreams and goals I want to reach, but I always tell myself I can’t do it.
I push through and tell myself I can do this.
Today is 810 days since Seth left this world.
But I refuse to let the death of Seth be the death of my soul, dreams and goals.