John's new routine chart
John was only 13 months when Ian got sick, and 16 months when he died. Getting him into a bedtime routine, let alone to going down at a regular time just never got re-established after the initial "everything gone haywire" period. We both developed bad habits, which now need to be broken.
I've tried a few times to get something resembling a bedtime routine established. The issue I have is with consistency.
Those bad days, when you're just exhausted from life AND grief, when there's no one to back you up and tag team with, when you can't keep your own eyes open long enough for 1 round of The Gruffalo, let alone 4 or 5, it's so easy to just revert to bad habits (like letting him fall asleep in front of the TV in my bed).
The bad days for me just happen too frequently still for any sort of consistency with anything I try and establish. I get a day or two, but then... blerk.
But I need to get something in place.
For both of us.
John's closing in on three and a half. It is well and truly beyond time, and he needs proper sleep for his growth and development.
With potential changes to social security payments looming here in Australia, I need my evenings free of 'entertaining small person' to get a cleaning/studying habit set in preparation for potentially needing to re-join the workforce earlier than I feel I am ready for.
So I am picking my battles. No fighting the falling asleep in my bed at this stage, but getting a TV off, teeth, toilet, bed sequence starting at a set time will be achieved.
You can do it! I did, even though we back-slide quite often. I also try to take a night off once a week - get someone else to get them to bed. It feels like a vacation, and they do better with other people than with me. Coming home to a sleeping child is an amazing gift..... Hang in there, it just keeps getting easier.
ReplyDeleteI have to learn not to beat myself up when we back-slide and get back on track the next night. I must say, I love the nights he stays with grandparents.
Delete20 mths after my hubby died my 14year old is pretty much still a free range beast. Neither of us can seem to get in to any sort of routine. I'm hoping that our imminent house move will help
ReplyDeleteI hope the move helps alleviate some of the aimlessness you both are feeling. Hugs.
DeleteThank you for writing this. I have let plenty of things slide with my child since my husband died two years ago and it has only been in the last couple of months that I have had the energy to tackle them. But I realize I managed the important things and it was ok for the rest to wait. Good luck with the bedtime routine.
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