Have you ever had the urge to just get in your car one day and drive as far away as you could, leaving everyone and everything behind? Just start over where no one knows you? Where no one ...... KNEW you?
I'm guessing that many of you have because of all you've gone through. I'm wondering if anyone has actually done it.
That's the kind of week I'm having.
I'm not sure what difference it would make, in the end.
But sometimes it feels as if I'm failing at everything I should be doing well ..... being a mother, being a friend, being an employee. It's one of those weeks where I feel completely zapped of energy so I can't seem to do anything right.
I think we need a "Rehab" for widows. Some place where we can leave everything behind and just breathe for as long as we need it. Some place not too hot, not too cold and with a beautiful view.
We wouldn't have to buy groceries, pay bills, cook, make decisions, wear masks ..... we could just ...... be.
And slowly get stronger.
Anyway, that's my fairy tale dream of the day.
I wonder what yours is?
The same!
ReplyDeleteI feel at times, this week in particular, that my life has spun out of control. It seems I can plan my day and then all hell breaks loose. ..from two baby racoons finding shelter under the hood of my car and trying all morning to find the right agency to trap them (didn't happen, budget constraints) so ended up taking up most of the day removing them, to unexpected visitors, popping up at the door...while the planned house maintainance is screaming to be done...bills to be paid, the trust and will draft that needs to be read and sent off to the lawyer...and my 94 year old mother, who calls with her list of complaints and would like me to solve those too........WHEW! Give me (us) a BREAK!
I guess I need more time or an attitude change...
I am going into my second year of widowhood, and feel it is more complicated than the first.
I also know that the changes that are occuring are strengthening me (us) and are a part of the growth process, but darn it, it is HARD!
My fairy tale day is a drive up the California coast with the man in my life....and taking that deep breath of ocean air, listening to some great music and relaxing...will it happen? maybe, but I can dream, can't I???
Hope your fairy tale dream comes true.
Am new to your site and find many of my worries and problems here to discuss. So good to hear I am not alone.
ReplyDeleteIt is too hard to discuss my loneliness and problems of life with others that have 'different' problems and have never been walking my path in life.
God bless you all..
Just today I was wishing I could get in the car and just drive, drive, drive...not possible with kids still at home. Maybe some day...I am approaching my 4th year anniversary of widowhood. Onto year five and one would think I would have it all figured out by now as to what I want for the rest of my life. Wrong. Some days I just feel like I am in a holding pattern. What am I waiting on? The kids to finally all be gone? Is that when I will stop seeing myself as a mother first? The wife role is gone, long gone.
ReplyDeletefunny you should mention it but yes, especially right now, but I stayed home instead to clean the house, I was upset because its not so much I am failing but others have failed me, from a sister in law
ReplyDeletewho influenced my brother in law, daughter
son in law, with a baby quilt out of his clothes within one month of his passing,
from the funeral where the director asked if he could buy his golf cart, to later on
when every one has acted out their grief, but I am not allowed feelings, these outburst have to stop, what outburst crying because they wanted to cut up his clothes? Everyone had been in charge of my grief, my daughter has tried to parent me, instead of letting me be the parent, worse yet the church was doing a vet day memorial vidio this past sunday,
and only did the living, he was a vet,
but they arent honoring him , even for vets
day,what am I suppose to say, thank you
for honoring the living, and reminding me
that my spouse is dead? I didnt have energy to go this week out of town, driving, to see
the reordered tombstone that finally came right, next week, they are having a free
movie I can go to, but maybe I am finally figuring out , its not me, its the rest of the herd that has gone crazy, thanks for feeling the same way, but yes, I could leave and never come back if it werent for my sale of business, house to take place yet , in order to survive! one day at atime,
grant me the serenity to forgive everyone