Sunday, August 30, 2009

What I Miss

I miss familiarity. I miss being known. I miss lapsitting. I miss having a guaranteed birthday celebration. I miss the knowledge that if I break down on the road Phil is coming for me. I miss every day cell phone calls, transmitting news by just a look, and the daily irritations of sharing life with a partner.

I miss Phil's smile. I miss the fact that he always could be counted on for chopping duties in the kitchen. I miss his ability to get to the heart of a disagreement in thirty seconds flat. I miss him jumping out of bushes to scare me. I miss running with him. I miss laughing with him. I miss listening to him sing when he forgot other people were within earshot. I miss the way he complained about chick flicks. I miss his eagerness to experience new things. I miss his sense of adventure. I miss hearing his old rock station blarring out of the garage. I miss the neighborhood kids stopping by to get their bike tires pumped up. I miss weekend getaways, and family vacations.

I miss the basketball games he led in the driveway. I miss him collecting the gossip from the neighbors. I miss being able to tell him that the drain is backed up again. I miss discussing options with him. I miss his irreverent sense of humor. I miss grocery shopping with him pushing the cart. I miss listening to him complain about driving out to my parent's house AGAIN. I miss the way he talked to his mother. I miss watching him listen to the kid's stories with real interest. I miss watching him put together a plan for work. I miss standing by him while he chatted with a stranger about where they might know each other from since the person looks so familiar to him. I miss him bringing home spiders he thought the kids would like. I miss unexpected flowers. I miss his good night kiss.

All of this I have missed for 1459 days. Tomorrow will mark the fourth year of living life without Phil.


  1. wow, four years. today is two years since steve proposed...who knew we only had 7 months, less than 3 married?! isn't it 'funny' how we miss the most ordinary things...

  2. Michele .... You're right ..... and I quote you ...... "Death still sucks".
    I miss all of that for you, my friend.

  3. I miss the funny man who could not wait to tease anyone within range; I miss his complaints about driving to Riverside and the way he did it anyway (twice in two weeks in the month before he died); I miss his unexpected nature that caused us to hold our breath at Thanksgiving as he moved away from the table during the sharing time, only to blow us away with sharing his deep and sincere admiration for his beloved Michele; I miss this Superman of whom, hearing of his death, I imagined that he must have been cliff climbing on a steep precipice because how else could he be gone?

    Remembering him with love on this special day and sending love to you and all the kids, Sweetie.