Saturday, July 24, 2010

Broken Heart



Sometimes I wonder how....

I had the Johnny and June idea about our life together. One of us would die and within a couple of months the other would die of a broken heart.

Fast forward to almost 3 years later, and that theory has been proven wrong.....Even though there have been many times I've begged for it's brokenness to take over the rest of my body to finally reunite me with Michael.

I didn't know how it could still beat, other then that it must be held together by the eternal remnants of our love.

But lately, I've thought of "E.R." or "Grey's Anatomy". A doctor will be doing some sort of open-heart surgery when the patient suddenly flat-lines. The paddles won't work and in a last ditch effort, the doctor pulls the heart out of it's chest and starts pumping it with his two hands.

The night I heard Michael died, i remember putting my hand over my heart and feeling as if it had stopped, as if I was hollow. I wanted to give up and at times prepared to raise that white flag, but just like the doctor with the patient, I felt as if Michael began pumping me back to life with those rugged and callused hands of his.

At first I despised as it got stronger, yet with time, have cried tears of happiness as I felt all its capacity fill my being once again with the love and memories that made it once pound in his presence....The feelings and times that had, for so long, been clouded my by own despair.

My heart is broken.

My heart is healing.

My heart still beats in the warmth of your hands.

It beats to tell the story of our love and pulsates your undying words through my veins.....

"I Love You, Taryn."

....

And that my friends, is how a broken heart still works.

9 comments:

  1. How you put your feelings into words is just amazing

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  2. Wonderful post! It feels like you've read my mind- this blog often does that. I've also talked about dying of a broken heart because I can't imagine it being able to heal at all. I know the Johnny and June story, and a similar one with a couple my dad knew. I wouldn't say that I wish for this to happen, but I don't wish for the opposite either. Thanks for sharing- always reminds me that I'm not alone in this journey.

    Connie H.

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  3. yes broken hearts still work....mines been going for 13 months.....

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  5. I thought my heart would stop beating, too. Somehow I'm still here, and thanks to you, I now have a little better idea of how... xoxo

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  6. I hate being a widow. The pain never goes away. Never. We just learn to live with it--best we can.

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  7. Trevor's Girl AlwaysJuly 26, 2010 at 9:55 PM

    Every morning when I wake up I remember. It's like losing him all over again. Half my soul is gone forever.No more goodbye kisses in the mornings. I'll remember the ones he gave me for almost thirty five years.

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    Replies
    1. Morning is bad for me also. I try to be happy but somehow happiness never reaches into my soul. I try to remember to be thankful that I had 18 years with my true soul mate but I don't know how many years I want to go on feeling so sad deep inside.

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  8. i'm very sad for you..

    ReplyDelete