Last night I tucked in G for a second time. He was struggling to sleep after a large plate of this yummy cake. I lay down next to him on the air mattress which has been his bed for the past few nights (we're in the UK on vacation and staying with friends for the weekend). I pushed his hair back from his forehead and whispered to him the story of his birth.It starts out with pregnant me installing sheet rock with Daniel for two days (a last minute remodeling job to "prepare for the baby..." ;-) - an exhausted me watching the Green Mile before falling asleep in my chair. I awoke at 1:30 in the morning to my water breaking....yes, it was an exciting 4th of July for us that year! Grayson likes to hear the part of the story about me waiting in the hospital for 24 hours while they stopped my labor and gave me steroid shots to help develop his little lungs which weren't quite ready for air. I watched fireworks on TV and visited with family and friends as they stopped by. He was born on the 5th of July, 5 weeks early, weighing 4lbs 5 oz. He was the tiniest, skinniest little baby I'd ever seen, and he was beautiful.
G relaxed after hearing the story and fell asleep. I lay there for a few minutes thinking of how quickly time has passed, and how he has now had more birthdays without his dad than with him. G's birthday is always fun, and always a little bitter sweet. Daniel should be here to experience the life of his wonderful son and it makes me so sad for all of us that he isn't. My little guy is so much like his Daddy, and seems more like him with each passing year (god help us!).
Happy birthday Grayson, you are the light of my life!
Jackie,I think that is one of the hardest things is to know that at some point my daughters will send more time without their dad than with him. It especially bothers me because I did not know my dad at all and I wanted to do it right. The 4th was difficult for me, because we always spent it together with friends and he was not there for the second year.
ReplyDeleteMichelle, you are such a brave and courageous mother! It absolutely sucks that Grayson's Dad was taken away but he is blessed to have you. Even though my children are in their early 20s, their birthdays without their dad are incredibly rough for them as well as me. He made the day special for them. As we move into the second year without him, I dread those birthdays.....
ReplyDeleteI find myself thinking a lot about all the things I've now done more times alone than with my love and it makes me so sad when I realize that.
ReplyDeleteI too have a wonderful son who is also the light of my life. He's my little hero who gets me through each grueling day. I hate that his father is no longer alive to see him grow up. Life can be extremely unfair. :(
Ah, the birth story. It hurts my heart that I'm the only one who can recall those for our children.
ReplyDeleteI thought you might enjoy reading another, "A memory, held: The birth of Eilis"
http://pnmag.com/pregnancy-blogs/birth-day/memory-held-birth-eilis