Sorry for another movie reference, but this one has been on my mind. Remember the movie Castaway with Tom Hanks? I was reminded of this movie just last week because of a dream I had. Remember how in the movie he returns after being presumed dead for years? His girlfriend of many years has married, and she now has a child, a family...she's moved on. He's devastated, and so is she. I remember watching that movie years before I could imagine her loss, and thinking how horrible that would be. In a way I experienced her conundrum last week.I dreamed Daniel came back to life - and in my dream I was trying to figure out how to explain him to Carl. He already knew about Carl (he'd been watching from Heaven), and didn't need an explanation. It was surreal. Although I never actually saw Daniel in my dream (he had scheduled a meeting with me but we'd not yet met), I was aware that he expected me to make a choice. I was pissed really. I was pissed at him. How dare he come back after all these years and think he could ask me to choose? In the dream I was also waiting for his judgment on how I'd been living my life without him. I was angry in the dream, and it stayed with me after I woke up. It took me a couple of hours after I woke up to shake the thought of it.
It was interesting to consider the possibility. What would he think of who I am now? I'm different. My life without him has changed me, losing him changed me. How much I can't really say, but I know that the new me is a better me in some ways - stronger, more self-sufficient, more focused; and in other ways maybe not better - less tolerant of bullshit, more direct in my communication (not always in a good way), harder, less cautious. He might not approve of the new me, but I think he probably would. What's most important now is that I approve, and thankfully, most days I do.
Michelle, I think in a way this dream is made to be a message to those of us still out here grieving and wondering if we will ever love again. In many ways your message this am, tells me that we can find another love that could compete with the old one so in a way equal, yet different. It gives me hope that there will be a way for me to feel another love so powerful. I just feel awful for you, because I know how angry it would make me feel to have that type of dream.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar dream as I'm sure many widows in new relationships have. My husband and I had a wonderful marriage, not perfect but without major flaws. In this dream where he came back I knew I would choose him and I was resentful because I didn't want to give up the new relationship with someone who I had also grown to love. And HE was the one who left, damn it! I had some guilt over that dream but ultimately it did give me the message that I was, truly, moving on.
ReplyDeleteSadly, I cannot identify as even though it's been 3 years since my husband passed away... I don't put myself in situations to meet anyone. I know I do that deliberately as I cannot imagine a life with anyone other than my husband. My dream is always that somehow he comes back to me then I wake up to reality and feel heartbroken all over again. I have quit being so sad about what was lost and now, I can live my life feeling so much gratitude for the blessing of having my husband for the 30 years we spent together and be content.
ReplyDeleteIt feels so weird to read this because I had a dream right before I woke up this morning. It's not quite the same as the one you had. I haven't gotten to the point where I could see myself with another man and am not quite sure I'll ever get there. But in the dream my husband did come back but told me he couldn't stay with me. I was so hurt and angry. And that's how I woke up....feeling so hurt and angry.
ReplyDeleteOMG I have dreams like this a bunch... as do many of the remarried widows in my group on FB. I usually dream that Gavin has come back and doesn't understand that I am not "his" any more... that I have kept moving ahead and changing. But in the dream, he's very kind and sort of dumb, and doesn't "get it," and lives in our guest room for a while. It's not a happy dream at all, after all, he's nothing like he was either. Freaky!
ReplyDelete