Saturday, June 16, 2012


“If you are facing a new challenge or being asked to do something that you have never done before don’t be afraid to step out. You have more capability than you think you do but you will never see it unless you place a demand on yourself for more.” -Joyce Meyer

He challenged me.

I'm stubborn.
Hard Headed.

Yet he provoked me to think, to reflect, to never embrace the me I was...but the me I could be.
He showed me someone I loved. The me that is me.

Then he died.

Who would challenge me?

Who could see the me under the dirt and muck that I could only imagine being?

Who would never doubt me, but always make me question if and how I could handle/do things better?

Who would be there for me to have no other goal but to have them love me, and ultimately, make them proud of the person they had dedicated their life to?

Life was paused.
Over, in my eyes.

But under the thick blankets of pain and grief, one normal widow day, I challenged myself out of bed.
Then to breathe.

Then to see.

Then to live.

Now, 5 years later, I realize that it was never Michael that challenged me...but Michael that challenged me to see the me I am and always was.

So I venture out and challenge myself.

The coming weeks and months, more than ever.

To live, to succeed, to challenge others to see the them that was there all along.

He pulled back the curtain to a world I wasn't ready to see until he was by my side...

A world that years later I'd have to refresh myself to..

A world that is challenging, but that I'm inspired to be challenged by.

He placed a demand on me to evolve.

I was scared to do it without him there.

Now I evolve and demand nothing less than to be afraid, scared, hesitant towards...

All things that I've learned equate to the life we deserve.


  1. Hey, Taryn, it's Donna. I was the one you grabbed as I sobbed hysterically thru the lobby at CWE.
    I LOVE this post. It made me cry, but I LOVE it. It's so true. Andy saw me thru the muck and mud and loved me anyway. He challenged me to be better. Not that I wasn't good enough for him. Just to be a better me for me. Now I have to be the one challenging me. It's tough when the "coach" isn't there, helping me along this journey. It sucks to have to do it alone. I'm getting better at challenging myself. I just wish I didn't have to.

  2. Taryn - this is beautiful.
    I realize that I used to believe this about myself too. That without him, I wouldn't be motivated or successful (he exceeded in both). I would let things fall apart because of my procrastination.
    Yet since he has died - I have replaced the doors to our garage, painted the house, realized the car need fixing and got it done, cheaper! I took my family on two vacations that I planned for. I also booked a financial planning meeting and am following the market and taking care of my expenses on my own (something we always did together).
    I now know - I can do it.
    I can expand my life.
    I am teaching myself the truth - the things he said to me before that I thought were mostly compliments from his deep love... were true.
    I am competent, successful and capable.
    I am a deep thinker and a dreamer.
    But - now even though sometimes I am scared shitless.
    i keep going.
    Because the only way I will grow is if I water my own garden.
    Thanks for the reminder.