Sunday, November 10, 2013

Saying Goodbye.. Again

The last picture taken of me and my best friend.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my dog being diagnosed with cancer (I wrote about it here)

Tuesday, the day after my birthday I had to kill put my best friend to sleep.

I am in shock. I am devastated. Three weeks after his diagnoses he went from being fine to not eating and his eyes rolling back in his head.

Nine years and one day after my husband gave me Clifford for my birthday..  I had to let go.

I had to say goodbye.. again.

I wasn't ready to let go.. again.

Yet no matter how much I fought it or how much it hurt, I had no say in it.. again.

Piece by piece, day by day, moment by moment, I lose another piece of my husband. I lose another piece of my before life.

Step by step I walk through a more than ever empty home.

Just when it feels like I have nothing else to lose, I lose my best friend.

The friend that never cared what I look like. Never cared if I can’t manage to get out of bed or not. Never cared if I was deep in grief. He always loved me. Loved me more than he loved himself.

Three years later I am saying goodbye all over again.

Three years later I feel like I am starting all over.. again.

My husband dying piece by piece never gets easier.

Saying goodbye and moving forward never gets easier.


  1. Melinda, my dear, I am so sorry to learn this sad news. Your precious Clifford was a living link to your beloved husband, as well as your source of unconditional love ~ and I cannot imagine how much this hurts. May they both live forever in your heart. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy, and know that I am thinking of you ♥

  2. So sorry for your loss. May you take comfort in knowing that Clifford is now with Seth and they are both in your loving heart.

  3. Melinda, I am so sorry for your loss. Saying goodbye to a dog is never easy and I can only imagine how much worse toss has been. Many hugs to you and you're in my thoughts.

  4. Melissa I'm so very sorry. There are no words to make the pain any less. How heartbreaking to lose another part of your heart. Sending you hugs.

  5. you are right on all counts; piece by piece; letting go

  6. So sorry, Melinda. Our pets truly are there for us thru thick and thin, they care not how we look, and do make us feel needed, as much as we need them. Take care.

  7. Dearest Melinda, my deepest sympathies for your loss of Clifford. Pets are the one stable in our lives. Their love for their owner is unconditional. I know your loss is intensified by the connection to your husband. Sending you many hugs!

  8. I too had to put send my baby Faith to heaven to be with her daddy. He left me suddenly and tragically only 9 months ago. I am so sorry for you. I know what you are going through. I have lost my love my mini doxy and my reason for living this year. I ask myself everyday why me. You are not alone I have another dog named Hope. She is all i have left. I am praying for you

  9. My husband passed on May 5, 2013......Our dog was that "live" connection I still had to our life together....We went for rides in his truck.....Went for walks in our favorite places...She kept me busy with our regular daily routines....Then...again...I had to say goodbye......November 20, 2013......It was her time to be with my honey in heaven......and I am still finding new depths of sadness......and crying harder than I could imagine possible.....