Saturday, November 2, 2013


When he died, my faith died.
Faith in a god, life, living...
There was only one thing I wanted to believe, that he'd come back home.
When that didn't come to fruition, it was believing that life would end shortly thereafter.
It didn't.
Nothing changed.
It wouldn't change until I started believing.

Believing that I could survive. That I should survive.
Believing that inhaling and exhaling, at some point, would be a natural process that I didn't pay attention to, mostly because there were too many times I wished I would have stopped doing both.
Faith became a silly word I loathed using.
I've always thought that faith was a belief in something bigger than one's self.
I forgot that for a while.

But when the turning moment came for me to believe that I could survive....thrive after losing him, so came the moment that I realized a truth.
That I still had faith in our love.
It was bigger than us both.
It still is.

And now, 6.5 years later, that faith has allowed me to know, believe and trust in those things.
With one of the most important being the angels that have guided my way.
Sometimes it was a child smiling at me in line after a night of crying. Other times I know it's been Michael with the synchronicity that could not be explained. There are even moments when I realize I am one for myself.

Sometimes it just takes us believing.
And with the belief comes the faith.
And with the faith comes a world possibility, in one that once seemed impossible.
And with that, an unveiling of a world or people, things and moments that make once unfathomable seconds, now worth it.
Faith never died. It never will.
Believe me.

“Everyone has an Angel. A Guardian who watches over us. We can’t know what form they’ll take. One day, old man. Next day, little girl. But don’t let appearances fool you, they can be as fierce as any dragon. Yet they’re not here to fight our battles, but to whisper from our heart. Reminding that it’s us. Its everyone of us who holds power over the world we create. You can deny angels exist, Convince ourselves they can’t be real. But they show up anyway, at strange places and at strange times. They can speak through any character we can imagine. They’ll shout through demons if they have to. Daring us, challenging us to fight.”


  1. Love you take on this. Thank goodness for those Angels.

  2. I just have to say, wow. You just summed up my entire life for the last three years in this post. My family and I are quickly approaching the three year anniversary of my husbands death. Year one was filled with more tears than I thought imaginable, year two was filled with anger and disbelief and this year has been one of struggle to regain my faith. The tears are flowing now but I am so glad that I stumbled on this post. It may sound insensitive but to know that I have company in these somber thoughts is quite uplifting. Thank you for sharing!

    P.S. My daughter's name is Taryn. She's 6. I think it was meant to be that I found myself here.

  3. Thank you, Taryn. You never cease to amaze me with your eloquent writing. And of course you know that you're one of those angels, right?

  4. Taryn, I can so identify with your beautifully written faith story. My faith faltered but God's grace pulled me back. Angels are everywhere, we just have to keep our eyes and hearts open. Thank you for supporting others.