I've been trying to delay the onset of June. For example, I spent a couple of weeks writing appointments in the wrong week of May; a couple of weeks early. But the calendar has flipped, and it's my month of anniversaries.
Widowhood is this weird time-warp.
I find I'm loosing time. I have to think about how many years it is for meeting and wedding anniversaries. I've felt for a while that "year one" of widowhood is a 'missing year'. I am often out a year when thinking about the happy anniversaries.
But feel a whole lot older - I feel like I'm older and spent the first couple of birthdays since Ian died adding a year. Maybe I should do it again this year and skip the whole '40th' thing.
During this last week I finally called up and made an appointment with a counsellor. I grabbed the day/time she had available that fitted with my uni and child care schedule. I wasn't even conscious of the date when I made the appointment but when I flipped the calendar, I've booked it for the 4th.
I suppose it's a good sign that the date has aligned.