Tuesday, June 3, 2014


I've been trying to delay the onset of June.   For example, I spent a couple of weeks writing appointments in the wrong week of May; a couple of weeks early.  But the calendar has flipped, and it's my month of anniversaries.

June 4, marks Ian and I's third wedding anniversary.

The 11th will be 5 years since we first met.

The 14th is his second angelversary.  On to year three of widowhood.  

Widowhood is this weird time-warp.

I find I'm loosing time.  I have to think about how many years it is for meeting and wedding anniversaries.  I've felt for a while that "year one" of widowhood is a 'missing year'.  I am often out a year when thinking about the happy anniversaries.

But feel a whole lot older - I feel like I'm older and spent the first couple of birthdays since Ian died adding a year.  Maybe I should do it again this year and skip the whole '40th' thing.

During this last week I finally called up and made an appointment with a counsellor.  I grabbed the day/time she had available that fitted with my uni and child care schedule.  I wasn't even conscious of the date when I made the appointment but when I flipped the calendar, I've booked it for the 4th.  

I suppose it's a good sign that the date has aligned.



  1. I lost my husband to cancer last April. I am dealing with the loss, in part, and aside from anxiety attacks, by writing a book and starting a blog. Any tips from writers on your site would be very helpful.

  2. I have the same thing with June....
    My husband died June 4, 2012.
    Our anniversary of our wedding and when we met is June 21. 18 years since we met. 7 years since we were married.
    My birthday is June 29.
    June used to be a joyful month. Now I cry through most of it....

  3. June 21 will be the third anniversary of my husband's sudden death from a heart attack in the middle of the night beside me. When I turned the calendar page over and saw June staring me in the face, it was like a knife wound all over again. For me, time has not healed anything. I go to bed thinking about my husband and I wake up missing him. There will never be an end to this emotional hell. Our anniversary is July 1, so when I turn the June calendar page over, July 1 will inflict yet another knife wound into my heart. August 14 is his birthday, so when I turn July's calendar page over, there will be another stab into my heart. Yes, I thank God for bringing Rich into my life and, yes, I thank God that I found an incredible man who loved me as much as I love him. But, it's all the "whys" that plague me now.

  4. Biy can i relate. Today was our anniversary - we werebt yet married so we still celebrated our first date as that soecial day. In 6 more days im also hitting the two-year mark abd finding i am not at ALL ready to accept being in the third year of this. Im feeling so many new sad emotions as i am now past the halfway point of how long we actually had together (3years). I dont know how i will live oast that 3 year mark next year. Ugh!

    Sending lots of love your way. I