I've been trying to delay the onset of June. For example, I spent a couple of weeks writing appointments in the wrong week of May; a couple of weeks early. But the calendar has flipped, and it's my month of anniversaries.
June 4, marks Ian and I's third wedding anniversary.
The 11th will be 5 years since we first met.
The 14th is his second angelversary. On to year three of widowhood.
Widowhood is this weird time-warp.
I find I'm loosing time. I have to think about how many years it is for meeting and wedding anniversaries. I've felt for a while that "year one" of widowhood is a 'missing year'. I am often out a year when thinking about the happy anniversaries.
But feel a whole lot older - I feel like I'm older and spent the first couple of birthdays since Ian died adding a year. Maybe I should do it again this year and skip the whole '40th' thing.
During this last week I finally called up and made an appointment with a counsellor. I grabbed the day/time she had available that fitted with my uni and child care schedule. I wasn't even conscious of the date when I made the appointment but when I flipped the calendar, I've booked it for the 4th.
Widowhood is this weird time-warp.
I find I'm loosing time. I have to think about how many years it is for meeting and wedding anniversaries. I've felt for a while that "year one" of widowhood is a 'missing year'. I am often out a year when thinking about the happy anniversaries.
But feel a whole lot older - I feel like I'm older and spent the first couple of birthdays since Ian died adding a year. Maybe I should do it again this year and skip the whole '40th' thing.
During this last week I finally called up and made an appointment with a counsellor. I grabbed the day/time she had available that fitted with my uni and child care schedule. I wasn't even conscious of the date when I made the appointment but when I flipped the calendar, I've booked it for the 4th.
I suppose it's a good sign that the date has aligned.
I lost my husband to cancer last April. I am dealing with the loss, in part, and aside from anxiety attacks, by writing a book and starting a blog. Any tips from writers on your site would be very helpful.
ReplyDeleteI have the same thing with June....
ReplyDeleteMy husband died June 4, 2012.
Our anniversary of our wedding and when we met is June 21. 18 years since we met. 7 years since we were married.
My birthday is June 29.
June used to be a joyful month. Now I cry through most of it....
June 21 will be the third anniversary of my husband's sudden death from a heart attack in the middle of the night beside me. When I turned the calendar page over and saw June staring me in the face, it was like a knife wound all over again. For me, time has not healed anything. I go to bed thinking about my husband and I wake up missing him. There will never be an end to this emotional hell. Our anniversary is July 1, so when I turn the June calendar page over, July 1 will inflict yet another knife wound into my heart. August 14 is his birthday, so when I turn July's calendar page over, there will be another stab into my heart. Yes, I thank God for bringing Rich into my life and, yes, I thank God that I found an incredible man who loved me as much as I love him. But, it's all the "whys" that plague me now.
ReplyDeleteBiy can i relate. Today was our anniversary - we werebt yet married so we still celebrated our first date as that soecial day. In 6 more days im also hitting the two-year mark abd finding i am not at ALL ready to accept being in the third year of this. Im feeling so many new sad emotions as i am now past the halfway point of how long we actually had together (3years). I dont know how i will live oast that 3 year mark next year. Ugh!
ReplyDeleteSending lots of love your way. I