Friday, June 13, 2014

What If

One of the amazing and inspiring things that has happened as a result of losing the person I love most in this world to death, is meeting so many incredible and beautiful people who have also lost the person they love most. One of these people is my friend Sarah Treanor. Some of you may know of her, as she is the Sunday writer here at "Widow's Voice." Sarah and I originally met on Facebook, in one of the many widowed people private/closed groups I am a part of, and then we became close and exchanged numbers and started calling each other regularly to laugh and cry and ... well ... you all understand. This past March, I finally met Sarah in person at Camp Widow. It was beyond awesome. I consider Sarah family. She is a part of my new, strange, second-family in this new life; my family of widowed people. Today was the 2-year anniversary of the death of Sarah's fiance, Andrew (Drew.) I wrote this piece for her - for them - and posted it on her Facebook page, but it's universal enough to post here too. Aside from a few specifics about my husband and her fiance in the poem, it relates to everyone. All of us. These are just some of the thoughts that I was thinking about today, and that I think about often. What if .....

What if every time you took a breath, 
He was breathing too
What if you were stretching on the sun
While he was sitting on the Moon

What if time did not matter
And love had no end 
So all the things you dreamt about
Were happening again

Do you wonder what the stars see
When we look at the stars
Are they reaching down toward all of us
Collecting us in jars

Looking up seems strange to me,
Begging to the sky
What if they are everywhere
What if no-one dies?

If he is made of energy
And energy lives on
Then maybe he still flies with you
Sings your favorite song

Or maybe he’s the pilot
And mine’s the EMT
And we brought them together
Friends, like you and me

He could be a forest
A tree, a branch, a vine
Maybe when you’re hiking there
Your feet and his align

Or what if you created Art
Based on his Ideas
A shift in wind or change in tone
And you sensed he was Here

What if all the love we had
Carried us to shore
What if all the memories
Could actually be more …

What if everyone and everything
That we have ever loved
flew inside the universe
like mother nature’s Dove

And the star
Was You
And the Ocean
Was You
And the fire
Was You
And the sand and sky
And the waterfall
Were mom and dad
And Drew

So nobody died
Nobody left
They are Love
You are Love
And everyone
Is Love.
What if ...


  1. That is so beautiful Kelley, I have tears running down my face. How blessed you and Sarah are to have your friendship.

  2. That is beautiful and so deep. Thank you Kelley for sharing.

    Maria O.

  3. ljdaygioeljsyoeiljwxiellhxlei

    I've seen that response before while reading comments about writing that is so beautiful you can't even put your message in words! This poem did it for me. I just passed the two year mark of my husband's sudden death on May 10, 2012. This year my 2 daughters and I had a college graduation and a birthday party to attend on May 10 and it was nice to have something to look forward to on that date. I actually took my first shot of tequila at the birthday party! I will be thinking of both of you today. And, BTW, I saw the new movie "The Fault In Our Stars" with my parents on Tuesday. They are both in their 70's but wanted to see the "movie about the kids with cancer". I am also a 13 year cancer survivor. My mom cried the whole time during the movie but we all liked it because it is an uplifting movie and is so wonderfully cast. All the actors are amazing. I hope everyone has a good weekend. Leslie in Little Rock

  4. As always, your eloquence with words is beyond comprehension but I applaud you for all the speaking you do for all of us.

    Bless you!


  5. oh, Kelley, this poem is so beautiful, heart-stoppingly, lyrically touching - I cannot even express in words how much I want to hold onto it and keep it close to my heart. it brings such gorgeous and vibrant images and thoughts to ponder - what IF no one ever dies?

    much love and a heart swooning with gratitude,

    Karen xoxoxo to both you and Sarah

  6. Best. Post. Ever.
    Many thanks!